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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Blow Job troubles- bit exteme warning

275 replies

GlitterHo · 10/03/2011 15:23

sensitive subject _I've never been any good at them, I too much of a gag reflex I can never take * ahem full length without gagging.

I feel really bad as I'm letting him down on my side of the deal as he doesnt get satisfied properly.

the other night was just messing around and he just grabbed the back of my head and was literally like shagging my head, felt like I couldn't breathe and was gagging everywhere told him to stop eventually, started crying felt really bad I should be able to do it :(

Any tips on how I can round it??

OP posts:
MarioandLuigi · 10/03/2011 16:39

Its a word I'd never use to a disalbed person

Thats okay then Hmm

TyraBanksForehead · 10/03/2011 16:40

Her partner put his dick in her mouth with such force that she couldn't breathe and was reduced to tears.

And you think this is a good time to tell her off for using an offensive word?

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 10/03/2011 16:41
chickchickchicken · 10/03/2011 16:41

i hope this is a wind up

chickchickchicken · 10/03/2011 16:43

OP has already said her tears were because she felt her blow job technique wasnt up to par

stop putting words in her mouth tyra!

ScarlettWalking · 10/03/2011 16:45

Your self esteem is so low you were crying because you thought you were giving a crap bj after he did that Shock

Girl you really don't love yourself. You need to work on your self image and esteem levels.

BiddytheKnackerwoman · 10/03/2011 16:46

What a bastard.
No respect at all.

sayithowitis · 10/03/2011 16:47

I have been married to my DH for around 30 years. If he EVER treated me the way your partner has treated you, he would be my ex!

The only 'deal' when it comes to sex, IMO, is that neither participant should feel they have to do something they don't enjoy just to keep the other one happy. It is about mutual enjoyment and that means for the giver as well as the receiver. No wonder you don't like BJs if you are made to feel useless and treated as if your mouth is basically a shag hole.

If you really want to improve your technique, that is fine, but if you really do not enjoy giving BJ's there is no law that says you must. And certainly not to somebody who has so little respect for you and your feelings.

TyraBanksForehead · 10/03/2011 16:49

She felt her technique wasn't up to par because he felt the need to be so forceful.

OP - I hope you realise you deserve better treatment.

NotInTheMood · 10/03/2011 16:54

I don't think the op meant to cause offence. Typical of mumsnet being OTT. As for oral rape well he certainly got carried away and id be pissed off if any guy grabbed me like that but the op was there and says it wasn't like that and she cried because she felt useless.At the end of the day you shouldn't feel pressurised to do it. Any guy should be grateful that their partner wants to satisfy and please them. Like others have said use your hand and pay particular attention to the head just experiement different ways and see what he likes. But make sure he does'nt dis-respect you like that again.

squeakytoy · 10/03/2011 16:55

Oh lets be fair, she has apologised for the word. It is used by an awful lot of younger people as part of their everyday vocabulary, it isnt a hanging offence.

RitaLynn · 10/03/2011 16:55

OP, do you think you were assaulted?

FirmBottom · 10/03/2011 17:03

lick your hand so it is slippery, like the inside of your mouth,and use it to hold his cock. then you just have to use your tongue to tease the end. this also means you have complete control of how deep you want to go. and make sure he returns the favour Wink

GlitterHo · 10/03/2011 17:10

RitaLynn- I'm not sure ,I didnt want it just came from nowhere so err, I'm not sure

I think I'll have a more serious word with him, listening to comments and thinking back in the literal sense I didn't consent, but I wouldnt equate it to rape because I don't think its gonna torment and trouble me for the rest of my life IFYSWIM rape I expect is an open ended torment that largely affects your life.

OP posts:
emmybooboo · 10/03/2011 17:21

No necessarily glitter.

wannaBe · 10/03/2011 17:21

dear God I've heard it all now.

so the op's partner forced himself into her mouth, she ended up in tears and people have no sympathy for her because she used a word which although ill-advised, she has now apologised for using? Hmm

What if she'd been raped? would you have "no sympathy" for her either because of the use of that one word?

I think the term supportive has totally gone out the window here and a part of this thread has been populated by idiots.

Op - ultimately it's simple. If you don't want to do it, then don't. If your dp has respect for you then there is no question of forcing the issue. Any man who respects his partner would never force her to do something she didn't want. I have been with my dh for nearly sixteen years and I can say with absolute certainty that he would never force me to do anything I didn't want, and that is how it should be.

You don't need techniques on how to give a better blowjob, (assuming that you don't actually like giving blowjobs), what you need is advice on how to tackle the issue of your dp's expectation and his forcing you to comply with demands that you feel uncomfortable doing.

If he is otherwise a loving partner and you have a good relationship, then talk to him, outside the bedroom, where you are not putting any pressure on each other to do/not do certain things. Explain to him how you feel and what you do and don't feel uncomfortable with.

But before you do that do ask yourself whether he is like this in other ways. Does he love you? respect you? if you say no to other types of sexual action does he accept that? What about outside the bedroom - what is your relationship like? Blowjobs are a very small part of any relationship, but often the way people are during sex can be very indicative of the rest of the relationship.

NotInTheMood · 10/03/2011 17:30

Well said Wannabe

squeakytoy · 10/03/2011 17:33

Totally agree Wannabe.

ScarlettWalking · 10/03/2011 17:51

Agree with wannabe

AfternoonsandCoffeespoons · 10/03/2011 18:05

OK thought I'd better come back to this. I apologise for what i said about not having any sympathy. Of course I have. Perhaps I can also be 'forgiven' for speaking out of anger? I feel genuinely hurt when that word is used.

Your 'D'P has acted completely dispicably. He has forced you to do something that you didn't want to do and that, iMO, is completely unforgivable. I really hope you can realise the emormity of what he has done. It scares me what will happen if you let this go.

SaggyHairyArse · 10/03/2011 18:11

You need to address this. You are giving him a BJ even though you are not confident, he needs to be more encouraging and tell you what he likes without forcing your head down. That is just not on.

I am no expert but you dont need to have the whole thing in your mouth. Use your hands and basically attend to the whole area.

If he does the head push again, bite his cock.

CheerfulMe · 10/03/2011 18:26

What wannabe said.

Vicky2011 · 10/03/2011 18:28

Surely the OP meant tardy which does mean slow and is nothing whatsoever to do with SN??????

SuchAWorrier · 10/03/2011 18:32

I think she meant 'tarded' as in 'retarded' - very unacceptable. My son has SN and I'm offended. In my life (as with many parents of SN children) I have a whole lot more to worry about than blow job techniques, believe me.

Vicky2011 · 10/03/2011 18:37

I don't think she meant that at all, the context in which she used it was as in "late, slow," as opposed to slow in an SN context. She has just misused the word to make an unfortunate slip up, hence her rather bemused response. Tardy is a bit of an old fashioned word - probably for the reason that we've just seen, but it is not offensive, it's just very unfortunate she got the ending wrong!

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