You sound as though you need convincing that this man is anything less than a violent abuser. It is a shame that you don't have enough self respect to already know this, but you do not deserve to be treated that way.
IF you still love him then you are free to return to him. It sounds as though you asked him to leave because you thought it was what people were telling you to do rather than what you felt, deep down, was the right thing to do.
Most women who suffer from DV will usually return/allow the abuser to go back. It is all part of the cycle of abuse. They knock your confidence so much that you genuinly believe that you were somehow to blame, that you will never find anyone who loves you as they do, that of course they love you and they are absolutly sorry to have done what they did, that they have learnt their lesson and they will never ever do it again.
Im pretty well known on the boards for being a right feisty no nonesense poster. I have the same reputation in real life too. There are few that mess me with me as i dont take fools gladly.
But my abuser wore me down so much that i didn't even realise it was happening.
I too took him back. time and time again. Each and every time he would come back and be perfection itself. He would be considerate of my needs and make me feel special. For less and less time each time.
Soon enough he would be back to his real self. Finding things to argue over, things to criticise me for. anything to give him a reason to hit me.
No matter how lightly i trod oon those egg shells, soon enough I would be being throttled, punched, kicked, spat at, raped, knives held to my throat....pretty much every form of violence you can imagine.
Now of course your lovely wonderful husband isn't like that. no no no. My ex was a monster.
But you see, in the beginning my ex was lovely. When the controlling behaviour started and teh arguments increased my beloved grandad spoke to me about it and he raised oncerns over him. I actually said "no he is fine honestly. we argue but only because i am a stubborn mare. He would never do anything to hurt me"
i can remember that conversation and it still haunts me now.
The first act of violence( i realise now with hindsight, at the time i just shrigged it off) was when i was pregnant. we hwere having a silly argument over nothing and he pushed me. I fell backwards over the bed. I was pregnant and yet he didn't help me up, or act concerned, he just walked off and left me in a heap on the floor.
From then it increased. But it took a while to reach the stage of punches.it went from pushing and shoving, to grabbing and pulling, to holding me down or grabbing my throat.
Your darling husband didn't even think you worthy of the slow build up. he went straight in for the punch.
You see normally men like this will use teh slow build up so as to desensetise the woman to the behaviour. Everyone accepts that a punch or kick is wrong, but the odd push or shove gets forgotten, ignored, brushed under teh carpet.
Your husband seems to think (seemingly correctly) that you hold such a low opinion of yourself and such a high one of him that he can hit you and you will take it.
You have proven him wrong so far. Please, don't allow him to become victor in this.
He will hit you again. He will. Only the violence will get worse. and more frequent.
By the time i finally escaped i was being kicked seven shades out of at least twice a day.
I post here, i keep on boring the vast majority of MNer with my story time and time again because i made my mistakes, i had to live that life. But i hope that by repeating my own mistakes i can prevent someone else from making the same ones.
Please, I beg of you, do not make the same mistakes i did.