Can a marriage ever survive dv ??

[fairycakesandsprinkles]

Have posted on here before about DH.
We hadn't been together very long before getting married and me falling pregnant and since we had DS I noticed a change in him which I didn't like very much.
He starting becoming aggressive and it escalated within a very short period of time, coming to a head when he punched me when I had our baby son in my arms
This was the first time he had done anything like that and it shocked me to the core.
I moved out of our house the same night and everyone has told me not to look back but I can't help thinking about him all the time.
I know it might sound crazy but he knows that he made a huge mistake and is very remorseful.
He has been to see his GP and been referred for anger management.
He sends me texts telling me he loves me and he hopes that one day I can forgive him and we can be a family again.
I go round there several times a week to take DS and I can feel us getting closer.
I am wondering if a marriage can ever survive something like this?
Can someone really change or am I a complete fool for still believing in him?

nothing wrong with feeling lonely

you won't be lonely for ever, you are too nice of a person for that

let your friends carry you for a while, they will be happy to help

I bet you have done a fair share of "carrying" yourself, of friends in need

I am still at my friend's place anyway, haven't moved into my mum's yet. I'm waiting to see if I find a house next week first, I've got a few viewings booked.

There are plenty of people around me and asking how I am but I still feel alone. It hurts so much that he didn't seem interested in me. You would think I would be relieved but I'm not

I don't think you "should" be anything

your feelings are your own

feelings are one thing though, knowing you are on the right path (even though it may be very hard to walk) is another

It's only natural to feel like this fairy - no matter what he did to you.

You can't help the way you are feeling just now, your head is all scrambled and your emotions all mixed up.

It does get easier, I promise. I missed my X for months after I left. I just couldn't bear the thought of him with someone else, even though he had always cheated on me and lied.

Once I left, and began to make decisions for myself, took control and had to decide my own fate, I was really lonely.

He'd always done everything. Everything.

So, even though I had my mum and other family/friends with me all day or night, I just felt empty. Hollow without him and lost.

Guilty even for leaving him and him not chasing after me. I felt worthless and like he didn't really want me in the first place, if he did, he'd of fought for me to stay......

Thing is, it was all a 'plan' to make me feel worthless and like he'd moved on so very fast......

I fell for it, called him, chased him, text him, went back to the house and before I knew it, we were sleeping together again.

It wasn't until he went to hit DD that I finally woke up (thanks fuck) and left his life.

For good.

You can do this sweetheart. You MUST. xx

I don't think it's part of a plan, I think he really is moving on. I mean he's sleeping with someone else. That is the last thing on my mind right now.

You must bear in mind that you will feel sad and you will miss him, but it doesn't mean you have made the wrong decision. You are being VERY strong.

That hurts, Fairy. But it also shows you're well rid.

Then if he's moved on, let him.

It will hurt, of course it will. Be kind to yourself, cry, laugh, remember the good times.....

You can't help the way you feel so don't beat yourself up about it.

And I'm sorry if my post sounded as though I was telling you what H was doing and how you are feeling.

no its ok mouseface. You pretty much summed up how I feel. Just not sure he's playing games anymore. Maybe he's as tired of the games as I am.

This could be yet another tactic you know. He's tried being nice - hasn't worked. Then he's tried being a wanker - also no go. Now he's trying distance to see if he gets you to bite.

I totally understand that it hurts. This whole sodding process is going to hurt. This is a hard road you've chosen but it's a short one. Rather than the long painful one you would have had if you'd stayed.

fairy - I hope he has stopped with the games. I really do.

Keep going. You are doing amazingly well, even though you think you're not.

Stay strong. For you and your son xxxx

It's been over a month you know. Maybe that's really it. I should think about taking off my ring I suppose

That is really it fairy, because YOU chose it to be - and it was completely the right choice. You have taken control of your own future and that of your son, and chosen to leave the abusive domestic situation that was putting you both at physical and emotional risk.

Take your ring off if you are up to it, and if it will make you feel a bit stronger!

Take your ring off Fairy.

Start a fresh life, start to re-build yourself sweetheart. xx

I don't want to go out tonight but know I should. Luckily I have good friends who won't take no for an answer
I just know I will spend all night thinking about DS, don't really want him to be away from me all night but I felt like I couldn't say no

fairy - it's not a huge surprise that you are feeling like this. Can I give you some advice?

Don't project. Don't worry about later. Just get through the day, hour by hour. Take your time to get ready later, put some music on, take your time.

Put your face on, something you feel comfortable in, do you hair, have a glass of wine and go out.

You can go home/back to your friends whenever you want.

DS will be fine. I know DH has 'a history' but you have to give him the chance to prove himself to you, one way or the other.

The first time XP came to collect DD, I threw up. I'd got myself so worked up.

You have been DS's constant so of course you'll miss him and feel bad for not being with him.

But YOU need time to be yourself aswell. Tonight will be fab, just go with the flow, enjoy being YOU for a while.

Oh, and don't forget to get a kebab on the way home. xx

......make sure you spill the chilli sauce down the front of you

Hope you're having a lovely evening, but also hope you'll be happy with not too bad. First night out after DCs is always a bit weird and yours has extra significance too.

You've been so strong this week, and month really, give yourself credit for that. It will get better in time, I promise

I had a good time in the end and had a laugh with some friends I hadn't seen in a while. No concerns with DS staying the night thank god for that. But DH did call me so he knew I was out and he's not happy about it but I don't care.
I bumped into his friends while we were out, some of them completely blanked me but a couple said hi. I got talking to one of them that I have mentioned before who has stayed in contact with me. I think DH was right when he said he he likes me, there was definitely something there but I'm not going down that road.
I like him and it means a lot that he cares about me but there are far too many reasons nothing can ever happen.
I finally took my ring off yesterday and I saw DH looking when I went to pick DS up today but he didn't say anything. It feels very strange, it is the first time I have ever taken it off but it almost feels right

Great news, Fairy! Glad you had a good time. Don't be surprised if the next few weeks you feel up and down. You have made the right decision, onwards and upwards!

I knew you would have a good evening out

Now, next time there is one planned, no excuses, you are going

"almost" right is good enough for now

The only reason I say 'almost' is because I do still love him. But I know I'm doing the right thing even if it's hard

You have been really brave and have done the hardest bit in leaving.....don't go back even if he has therapy and everything else and for some miracle does change! You will spend the rest of your life walking on egg shells never knowing if he will do it again....it eats you up you loose any feelings of self worth. Please you have done so well in leaving and been so strong don't go back.

well done,i know is realy hard but in my experience they never change,they do it,apologise and will do it again so be strong.