Can a marriage ever survive dv ??

[fairycakesandsprinkles]

Have posted on here before about DH.
We hadn't been together very long before getting married and me falling pregnant and since we had DS I noticed a change in him which I didn't like very much.
He starting becoming aggressive and it escalated within a very short period of time, coming to a head when he punched me when I had our baby son in my arms
This was the first time he had done anything like that and it shocked me to the core.
I moved out of our house the same night and everyone has told me not to look back but I can't help thinking about him all the time.
I know it might sound crazy but he knows that he made a huge mistake and is very remorseful.
He has been to see his GP and been referred for anger management.
He sends me texts telling me he loves me and he hopes that one day I can forgive him and we can be a family again.
I go round there several times a week to take DS and I can feel us getting closer.
I am wondering if a marriage can ever survive something like this?
Can someone really change or am I a complete fool for still believing in him?

How has your day been fairycakes?

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It's stunning and warm and easy to clean and green (as in sustainable, not the colour).

I completely refurbished my new house (typical 60s build) last year and put bamboo through the whole house. Entrance hall, kitchen-diner, sitting room, up the stairs, bedrooms. It is so easy to clean with three dogs and a million teenagers.

It costs the same or less than laminate, and I love it. I would never go back to carpet.

I also have a brown leather sofa-bed ...sorry!

not sure what happened to that link... Bamboo Flooring

God I am so sorry...wrong thread.

While I am here though.....don't go back fairy. xx

How has today been fairycakes?

Haha made me laugh anyway Just settling DS will be back soon ..

PMSL Icygrip

I got a call from DH today and answered it (I know, I know). He actually apologised and said he shouldn't have spoken to me how he did at the weekend. I said to him 'if you're so bloody sorry then why do you screw up time and time again?' This is my fault too, because he's lonely and misses me so much apparently this is a valid excuse for getting pissed and calling me foul names.

I asked if he had been with the other woman on saturday night but he said no, he is still insisting it was only once weeks ago. He says that the friend that told me otherwise has always liked me and was stirring up trouble - he seems to have forgotten I had already left him long before that!

He says he needs to see DS and wanted me to take him over tomorrow when he's home from work. I told him he's welcome to see DS but I won't be coming over. He can either pick him up as long as he doesn't cause a scene or his sister can come and get him. He's supposed to be getting back to me to let me know.

I'm meeting my mum tomorrow for lunch and planning on telling her everything that's been going on. Also got an appointment to go and see the council about housing on thursday.

Even though I've spoken to him I'm feeling a little bit stronger today so that's a positive

Well done fairy! x

fairy, your response was exactly the right one

please keep posting and sharing your thoughts with us, whatever they may be

like Dittany said, the path of least resistance is to let him have things his way

but that isn't working for you, and not working for ds

your way is the right way now, and the best path you could take would be to keep him very much at arm's length whilst watching his actions towards you very, very carefully

Good work fairy! Well done for deciding not to see him tomorrow. If he does come and collect DS don't crumble when you see him! Would be much better for you if his sister came and got DS.

Very glad you have decided to tell your Mum and well done on getting the council appointment too!

Stay strong girl!

You will get stronger the more you stand up and refuse his demands. He will probably be niceish for a bit, then when he realises you won't give in he will no doubt get nasty again.

You will see his behaviour for what it is

You are stronger than you think

Well done Fairycakes!

SO glad you're going to talk to your mum and are reaching out. Really impressed by how you noticed his blaming behaviours.

I cannot tell you how pleased i am to read that last post fairy.

You have done so well and been so strong. I hope you are as proud of yourself as you should be.

See, I have been reading all your posts and links!

Tomorrow is going to be tough for me though.
Obviously my mum knows we are living apart but I think she is expecting us to get back together so telling her that we're not and why will be difficult. I'm not very good with words. Not sure what I'm going to say yet It will also make it more real once she knows

I might be on a downer so hoping DH's sister will come and pick up DS or maybe my friend can hand him over. That way I don't have to see him, but don't know if I want to put my friend in that position, she has been a star and I don't want her getting caught up in it

Wow!

Fairycakes, your strength today has impressed me so much. You should be very proud of everything you've done today.

Accept whatever help your Mum offers tomorrow (except perhaps the going after H with a shotgun ).

Keep strong, he wont give up yet.

I think that if she's a good enough friend to have you both to stay, she'll probably be happy to do hand over. If not, contact H's sister yourself and check when she's free to collect DS. Then you know before H rings again.

protect yourself, fairy

your family and friends will understand

and if they don't, shame on them

give them the chance hough...reach out for help, they are not mindreaders

Fairycakes - you rock. Really, really well done - I hope this doesn't sound patronising but I'm really proud of you and I hope you're proud of yourself too.

I know it's going to be difficult talking to your mum and it will make it all much more real. Can you go for a walk and tell her what's been happening while you're walking? I always find it's much easier to have difficult conversations if you're not looking someone straight in the eyes.

Great news too about talking to the council re housing. Have you considered bamboo flooring? :o

the first time you tell someone is always hard. to say teh words makes it all real. It is scarey but also very cathartic. like a weight has been lifted.

Honestly it is such a relief to see how strong you have become. I will admit there was a time there when i thought you were going back. well done you for showing me!

@ bamboo flooring

it's an essential, I think

this bloke has done fairy another favour

he is not so clever as he thinks he is

the verbal abuse at the weekend was badly mistimed

he hadn't yet managed to reel her back in sufficiently well

he should have waited just another couple of days

big mistake (for him)

fairy, you see this now, I know you do, and I am glad x