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Original poster

I have just discovered something about the man i am about to marry...

987 replies

upsydaisy1974 · 03/03/2011 00:16

I have had reason to think that all is not as it seems lately and I have just checked my partners spare mobile phone and I have found that he has created an entry in the address book with my name on it and has put the contact number as the spare phone. He has been sending absolutely filthy messages to his own phone, but obviously as my name is in the address book it comes up as from me. The same messages are in the sent box and in box. He is sending them to himself. How the hell do i deal with this?

OP posts:
WhenwillIfeelnormal · 03/03/2011 11:26

I think there is a possibility that hasn't been explored here. That he is getting those messages on his spare phone from an OW and he is forwarding them to his main phone to read at his leisure. He is deleting the original messages from the spare phone, leaving only Daisy's name in the "sent list" on the spare phone and consequently, her name will also show up as the sender in the main phone. If Daisy's name shows up as a sender and recipient of messages on both phones, this will arouse no suspicion if she picks up either.

I bet the spare phone is on PAYG, with no bills to aid with detection.

dignified · 03/03/2011 11:27

I wouldnt forward a text , i think if you have this conversation you need to have it face to face . He will probably try to explain it away as simply a naughty kick / turns him on / boredom breaker or that he finds you so sexy he enjoys fantasizing about you.

I would think carefully if there are any other areas where he is slightly out of tune with reality.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 03/03/2011 11:30

Ah cross posted before I saw your update. Don't confront before you've found out a bit more and definitely do it face to face. If the spare phone is still on contract, check the bills, check the bills.

Original poster
upsydaisy1974 · 03/03/2011 11:40

The spare phone is a contract phone. I have checked the online bill, i know his passwords for e-mails facebook and the like.

The phone has not been in use since receipt of an iphone with the exception of 6 january and 26 february when those texts were sent from the spare phone to the spare phone.

The reason i want to send him the texts is to just make him sweat until i see him. He will become so anxious that he won't be able to fudge round this. He can't make up an excuse as it is all in black and white to see. I am sure the texts are not from another women as they have some of the kind of wording we use when we send each other those kind of texts. I am sure the texts are definitely not saved old ones as they are more extreme than I would send.

It may give him time to think but it will also give him some time to panic if he thinks I mean business, whereas if I simply ask him face to face he will just try to say that possibly they are old texts between us.

Sorry if I am rambling but am at work and having to be careful.

OP posts:
medicalmayhem · 03/03/2011 11:46

you could always 'mislay' his phone for a while, childish i know, but see what he does then and if you get any texts come through on it! sorry to hear you are in this situation, i cant give you a balanced answer to be honest as i have just separated from exH and he had a huge porn problem that just got worse, until i couldn't stand the lies any longer so i am not the best person to ask, my gut reaction would be to get as far away from him as possible, so that i didn't spend years stumbling across this sort of stuff, hope you can get to the bottom of it all,

KazBarTFG · 03/03/2011 11:49

OP - he wants you to talk dirty to him, it turns him on. It is wank fodder, simple as. He is fantasising about you sending these messages, not someone else (that's a good thing IMO)

Loose your inhibitions and send him a kinky text from your own phone Wink

Please don't treat this as something he has done wrong. I don't see the harm in it myself.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 03/03/2011 11:50

I'm a little confused here. So are no texts being sent to the main, new iphone? Are they all being sent from and to the old contract phone? Is it possible that he lent the phone to someone on those dates?
Have you checked the iphone - the phone itself and any bills?

I think you're much more likely to get a truthful reaction face to face. I can't see your logic that in his panic he will eventually tell the truth. Usually it's the reverse; giving people time to come up with a vaguely plausible reason often gets in the way of the shocked truth.

sakura · 03/03/2011 11:59

KazBar
If he wanted her to talk dirty to him he would have asked because he would know her well enough to know she'd be up for it. I mean let's be honest, talking dirty is hardly risque is it..

But I suspect that, like a lot of women, talking dirty doesn't actually turn them on, but turns them off instead. NOthing to do with inhibitions and everything to do with taste. What if the OP doesn't want to "lose her inhibitions" and repeat the filth that her fiance has watched some poor woman say on some porn flick.

sakura · 03/03/2011 12:00

My point is I think he's doing it precisely because he knows it's not in upsydaisy's character. This is the kick. I would feel erased.

lotsofteddies · 03/03/2011 12:03

they have some of the kind of wording we use when we send each other those kind of texts.

Sounds to me like you've gone a bit OTT after a glass of wine and have forgotten you've sent these.

Sunflower38 · 03/03/2011 12:03

I wouldnt give him any heads-up at all. Confront him when you see him face to face and watch his reaction.

madonnawhore · 03/03/2011 12:04

I'm really confused as to how he can be doing this and why he's doing it.

I think you're just going to have to get him on his own and ask him outright wtf this is all about.

It's very, very strange.

Original poster
upsydaisy1974 · 03/03/2011 12:05

Hell again. I don't think I've been clear about my point of view regarding naughty texts etc. I am by no means a prude. I believe that in a trusting loving relationship between two people it doesn't hurt to indulge a little and share your desires, fantasies etc. Although I would agree that I would necessarily go through with them.

We do send texts of this nature, although not quite so explicit and his messages to his own phone seems to have theme of me with other men if you get my drift!

What I am trying to say is that he has no reason to go behind my back and behave in this way. So why does he?

OP posts:
Thingumy · 03/03/2011 12:06

lotsofteddies-I thought along similar lines.

What grown man would send himself horny text messages?

Hmm
stubbornhubby · 03/03/2011 12:06

I reckon he is creating something to show his mates.

Did he go out on the evenings of 6 jan and 26 feb ?

Original poster
upsydaisy1974 · 03/03/2011 12:08

lotsof. Absolutely no way. When these messages were created I was at work on one day and having my bridesmaid dress fitted another. I am dead certain these are not mine due to the content. It reads more like his wording anyway and not mine. No kisses after it either etc. Not my doing unfortunately.

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 03/03/2011 12:12

I don't understand how you can send a text from your phone to your phone. Do you write it and then enter your own handset number?

The worry is, if he is sending these because his taste for dirty talk is much stronger than yours, how is a marriage going to be compatible with such differing sexual tastes? This could be the tip of the iceberg. What if he has even more fetishes he doesn't feel able to share with you? Would the marriage work with the differences and the secrecy?

Sunflower38 · 03/03/2011 12:15

lotsofteddies, that crossed my mind too ;)

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 03/03/2011 12:18

Of course you'd remember if these messages were from you. I'm finding the suggestions that you're some sort of absent-minded airhead insulting tbh Hmm

Does your fiance use a lot of porn Daisy?

LadyBiscuit · 03/03/2011 12:18

perfumed - you can save your handset number as Joan or whatever. Then you can send texts to yourself. Your phone doesn't know it's the same number

Thingumy · 03/03/2011 12:20

I wasn't suggesting that the OP was a airhead at all.

Hmm

It was perfectly plausible from her OP to wonder if she had forgotten about a text that she sent months ago.

She has now stated how she knows that it wasn't one of her texts.

squeakytoy · 03/03/2011 12:21

Is he at work?

Is the phone at home?

Are you at home?

If so, "break" your own phone, thereby giving you a legitimate reason to borrow his old phone..

Then ask him what the fuck is going on when you "discover" those texts..

perfumedlife · 03/03/2011 12:28

Thanks LadyBiscuit Smile

It's very odd they were created on those two dates. If I found that on my dh's phone I would feel really quite disturbed too. So sorry op, you really don't need this, and pregnant too. Saying that, better to find this out now, and get to the bottom of it.

sakura · 03/03/2011 12:35

THingumy it was a ridiculous suggestion to say that the OP might have forgotten sending, in her own words, "filth"

garlicbutter · 03/03/2011 12:40

When these messages were created I was at work on one day and having my bridesmaid dress fitted another.
You didn't mean your wedding dress, did you?

As you felt the need to check up on him, you must have been having doubts for some reason. Purely on that basis, it's not the best idea to get married. I wouldn't advise playing any games at all. Confront him when you see him, and don't pull any punches.