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Original poster

I have just discovered something about the man i am about to marry...

987 replies

upsydaisy1974 · 03/03/2011 00:16

I have had reason to think that all is not as it seems lately and I have just checked my partners spare mobile phone and I have found that he has created an entry in the address book with my name on it and has put the contact number as the spare phone. He has been sending absolutely filthy messages to his own phone, but obviously as my name is in the address book it comes up as from me. The same messages are in the sent box and in box. He is sending them to himself. How the hell do i deal with this?

OP posts:
sakura · 03/03/2011 13:53

Bloofer I agree with your post Thu 03-Mar-11 13:36:11, but what's wrong with people musing about a man who texts himself?

sakura · 03/03/2011 13:54

Baggypussy, you can do whatever you like with whichever word you like. The OP used the word "filth" in a specific context : to show how she felt

Rhinestone · 03/03/2011 13:54

Bloofer - OP came on here asking for opinions and we're giving her our opinions. Don't quite see why that's so shocking.

And I think Ingrid's advice re feeling safe is right under the circumstances. There's something not right here.

medicalmayhem · 03/03/2011 13:55

good i am glad you have the phone now!

sakura · 03/03/2011 13:55

Jeez, I mean "filth" can mean "flowers" if you want it to. But you have to look at the context

dignified · 03/03/2011 13:57

The thing is , he doesnt have to have private fantasies does he , the op clearly states that sometimes she does engage in naughty messages with him .

Where was he those days that he was texting himself op ?

Original poster
upsydaisy1974 · 03/03/2011 13:57

Sorry ladies but I am clearly not thinking straight today. Can you elaborate for me on the black mail fodder and the reasons behing your thinking. I need as many perspectives on this as possible.

Not to worry, he has never been violent and I will be perfectly safe when I confront him. Of that there is no doubt.

Is this situation something that you think is recoverable and that the relationship could still work.

I have everything at stake here, so do my beloved dcs.

I did post about the iphone history. It was just that he does delete his history and I wondered if everyone did. I've since asked the same question to friends and they all said that they did.

One thing I didn't mention was that in the phone's address book my correct entry is under the name my daisy and the other one is sexy daisy. I am beginning to wonder if he has created two me's!!

OP posts:
Thingumy · 03/03/2011 13:58

'There's something not right here'

Here come the armchair detectives ..

KazBarTFG · 03/03/2011 13:58

Oh FFS.

Blackmail!!! Don't make me laugh!

Run for the hills OP

Thingumy · 03/03/2011 14:00

sexy daisy? have you checked the number?

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 03/03/2011 14:00

It is odd, but just ask him. I mean, if you're preparing to marry the chap you should be able to say 'Er, why are you sending yourself pervy texts and pretending they're from me?'. Also, maybe I missed it, but why were you checking his phone?

Original poster
upsydaisy1974 · 03/03/2011 14:00

Dignified - he was at home on both ocassions. One was 3.00pm and the other was 4.45pm.

OP posts:
Malificence · 03/03/2011 14:00

Anyone with an ounce of sense can see how the OP meant the word filth to be taken, she was clearly shocked by the content of the texts.

If he's showing a side of himself that OP doesn't recognise, she has every reason to be worried.

KazBarTFG · 03/03/2011 14:01

OP - you are creating a monster here btw.

Your threads about this guy just show your own insecurities IMO.

Like I said before - It's a fantasy, it's not illegal and take it as a compliment that he uses you in his fantasy.

My DH uses Kate Garraway ffs....

BlooferLady · 03/03/2011 14:01

I suppose what I am saying is that, acting on current evidence the best we can say is that for reasons no-one is quite clear on he has been sending sexual texts to himself, and that leaving all this aside the OP has no reason to doubt he is anything other than a very decent man and a good nearly-DH and nearly-father.

She is going to need to speak to him. If she brings with her a series of nameless terrors that she might be presented with a furious, raging potentially violent controlling sexual pervert attempting to blackmail her (still not sure what the logic was there) it's not going to help. That's all.

sakura · 03/03/2011 14:01

I think the relationship is recoverable, absolutely, but I do think you should trust your instincts. It pissed me off that people on here were trivializing how you felt. Like KazBar saying he only wanted to talk dirty but if so, why not ask upsy?
And there something "weird" about displacing the OP's authentic personality with a made-up personality in his mind, whichever way you look at it.

Original poster
upsydaisy1974 · 03/03/2011 14:02

Thingumy yes have checked the number. Have been through eveything and can guarantee that the texts were sent and received on the same phone

OP posts:
dignified · 03/03/2011 14:02

'There's something not right here' .Here come the armchair detectives ..

I def think theres something not right here. I might text myself to ask myself what it is. Its hardly normal.

BlooferLady · 03/03/2011 14:03

Oh hello OP! Got distracted by a work call Shock the TEMERITY!

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 03/03/2011 14:03

Is anyone else trying to text themselves right now? Because I am. Not perviness, just a happy face.

sakura · 03/03/2011 14:05

Honestly, "filth" aside, everyone here think how YOU would feel if you saw a message from YOURSELF to your DP that you DIDN'T write.

BlooferLady · 03/03/2011 14:06

Sakura honestly? I would chuckle, and yell "OI! DP! What's this about then you nobber?!"

But then I have been married since 1845.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 03/03/2011 14:06

I'd wonder what he was playing at, but I wouldn't think sinister thoughts in truth. And I can't text myself for some reason.

laughinglil · 03/03/2011 14:06

do you think he could have sent the text on to a friend, if the friend wanted ideas for a dirty message? It could really be innocent , until you ask your only going to think he is crazy it could be something really innocent. Just ask what its all about .

BlooferLady · 03/03/2011 14:07

I can text you some filth if you like Chickens