I found some porn in my bathroom

[Stupiditysquared]

.. and asked the DCs if they'd downloaded it.

This was a pretty stupid thing to do. Nuclear war has erupted. The trouble was that in 18 years of marriage, DH has never used porn (so far as I am aware). He never normally goes into that bathroom, whereas the DCs do. Also I did not know that he'd been at home. It never occurred to me that it was him.

Now DD is screaming at her father that he is a filthy pervert. He's screaming at me for being stupid, which in fairness it was. And I'm in shock really.

What next

I dont see it as a trending topic yet

You're welcome :) just call it a bug fix. Threads from mn hit Twitter every day, but the tweeter doesn't tell you, and unlike the majority of forums you don't have to be registered or even logged in to read every personal detail of every section.

Think of it as a wake up call.

Funny, see how passive aggressive and utterly vulgar you are making porn apologists look, yes well done.

I think that cod meant that the whole of twitter is talking about the internet, not about this thread.

Alouise, ignore all the melodramatic insults being thrown at you, some people are just lovin the chance to have a go.

I have every sympathy with the op but you just don't put a highly sensitive family situation on a public website where hundreds of thousands of virtual strangers can read every word of it if you're that bothered about privacy surely.

This thread has brought out the absolute worst in people, instead of a helpful and supportive thread for a woman who is traumatised, it's turned into petty and vindictive point scoring, there are people on this thread who have shown themselves to be disgusting human beings with no compassion and barely any humanity at all.

This was not a thread about the rights or wrongs of porn, it's about a woman who has been lied to/misled for years and had the very real threat of her children seeing something that they should never be exposed to in their own home, from their own father.

I asked my DH what my reaction would be in that situation, he said he would be out of the house so fast his feet wouldn't touch the ground , when I asked him why, he said that 1. I would never have forgiven him for potentially exposing our DD to that kind of material and 2. because I would have had every right to feel utterly betrayed by a man I thought I knew as well as myself - you see, He gets it. Most decent people do.

The person who said his porn use didn't mean that he loved his wife any less, well actually, yes it does - the plain fact that he kept it from her for years because he knew she would hate it demonstrates his disregard for her, he didn't even have the common decency to have a discussion.
I just hope he's man enough to admit what he has done was very wrong - in every respect, otherwise I don't see how they can move on with this.

Just being devil's advocate here but maybe he kept it secret because he didn't want to hurt her.

I imagine that is exactly the case! I also imagine that he has never felt able to tell her about his porn use because she would react badly.

She did!

That may well be true Fab, but that doesn;t actually show him in any better light, does it? Who keeps doing something, over and over again, when they know how much it would hurt their partner? Only very weak and selfish people , that's who.

I don't think it is as black and white as that, Mal.