HUSBAND LEFT AFTER AN AFFAIR III - AM MOVING ON WITHOUT HIM

[solost]

My husband left me in mid-August when I found out he was having an affair. My original thread (husband had an affair and I want him back) detailed the fact that I felt he had made a mistake and asked for advice on how to get him to see sense and come back to me and our 3 DCs. Four months on, he still hasn't returned and I am re-buildling my life without him. That thread is now full. This is the continuation. Thanks to all of you for your support.

oh I see (ish) - didn't realise you were having probs elsewhere and needing to namechange [out of the loop emoticon]

Carry on!

(sorry solost!)

Afraid the tone has dipped as you could imagine..

AF's Thread #1

[sets AF/Newbie detector]

oh it's done so much more than that, LMHF! Kicked off in a big way...

Solost - sorry for minor hijack - hope we see AF here in her new guise soon. :)

I know, very sad, I reported some of the comments.

Going through a bit of a drama myself today/tomorrow if all else fails I know that might just coax out a Fucker of the Any variety, even if in her spring plumage...

As you all were....

MsPAV: Thanks for sharing your experience. I think you are right re: the DCs seeing less of H will let them come to terms with their new circumstances, not sure how I can do this without appearing to deprive H & DCs of spending time with each other. H will pick the DCs up on Sunday from MILs and then will take them out for the rest of the day bowling/tea or something so he wont actually be at the house.

THUMB/LMHF: Thanks for your advice. Have just had another chat with mum, she is adamant that she doesnt feel she is able to cope if DD gets upset, therefore I have left it at that. MIL/PIL are going out for tea with friends so I don't want to ask them to change their plans (they will have had kids since Saturday night anyway) therefore I have asked H to pick them up from MIL's and he is going to take them out for the rest of the day and drop them off when we get back.

I will explain to the DCs that it is a one off.

Think its the best solution, given the circumstances. Thanks for your advice x.

AF: I am honoured you found time to reply - with all the activity on your thread - you seem to have become quite a celebrity

It is an obvious question !

I am car-sharing and have already a car full - don't want to let my friend down.

(where's Peter Andre when you need him !

< apologies for horrible name, Peter Andre is a bit busy at the moment >

Ah, car full ? Oh well, sounds like you can make it ok.

Does DD1 have a lot of trips like this though ? If you can see fairly regular issues like this arising, you may have to rethink how many you do. Just a thought.

WWIFN: I appreciate your thoughts - thank you.

As I said in a previous post MIL can't have the DC's until I get back as they are out for tea and I don't want to ask them to alter their plans.

PIL's birthday was the first time H had seen them since the week before Xmas but you are right - I will see how Sunday goes and then give your suggestion serious consideration. The only concern I have is how the DC's will see it. They are sure to ask why Daddy has started picking them up from Nana's and not from home - what do I say to them?

Regarding H's story re: the affair I agree with the fact that H has probably rewritten history to a certain extent. But the part I do believe was his account of what happened in the hotel room. H said she was so p*** he practically had to carry her in there and was indignant that I even suggested H had 'taken advantage' of her in that state. Not sure whether I believe they didnt have any contact between November and March but maybe I assumed there was contact when there wasnt - because of as you pointed out the fact their 'relationship' took off at such a pace. But H was adamant there wasnt and also told me he was being honest.

There are gaps and inconsistencies, do I question him about them or put the subject to rest. I as mentioned, I feel I am having to rewrite most of last year - what I felt was happening and what was actually happening and I feel a strong need to do this, but will it help?

I havent had much contact with him this week apart from to discuss the DC's, hopefully back on track with the detaching.

Thanks again for you post.

Solost - I spent a lot of time pushing my ex for answers. In the end he came up with some bollocks - which I needed counselling to discount, as it happened - but I really believe that he couldn't/wouldn't tell me the real truth. Trouble was I kept pushing for answers that he didn't really have; so he made stuff up just to shut me up. I am not saying the same is the case with your exH - but I wouldn't keep asking questions he already believes he has answered or you might get bollocks answers for the same reason :(

(will someone PLEASE PM me with AF's new name or I'm gonna cry - thanks :))

THUMB: See post above yours!!

AF: [You will always be AF to me

There will be one comp per month coming up. To be honest - never saw this one coming - DD2 always loved spending time with Nana, in fact used to cry when she had to leave!

Will rethink the next trip - although it's a lot nearer to home and MIL etc are coming to watch anyway so, no problem for the next couple of months!

Loving the new name btw - very subtle [winnk]

THUMB: Thanks, am becoming a bit obsessed - maybe time to let go?

unless you have new questions to ask, yes I think so. I do see WWIFN's point but I honestly believe you will never get answers that satisfy you, and that he may start to make stuff up to stop the questions.
Basically because there ARE no decent answers to much of it! And in the end, what difference does it make? He's gone, he's with her, he's trashed your family - you have tried to get the answers and I think you've got all you're going to get.

IF (and please do not dwell on it) there comes a point in the future that he tries to return to you, you can maybe try asking the questions again to see whether he has different answers - but really, it's not going to change things much. by then neither of you will truly know which are the real answers and which the lies - so put it behind you if you can and move on from it.

Thanks THUMB think you may be right - also think you are morphing into AF (in a nice straightforward, pulls no punches way )

An Antipodean AF ?

that could work...

Go for it!!!

Loving the Austrailian accent btw

AnyFlocker in Oz though...

Hijack away guys - could do with cheering up

I am of Greek/Australian descent

I keep my Australian tan while living in rainy England too !

Tan or Rust?

Mahogany

Agree with thumb solo, I have given up any hope of getting any answers from H, and by now I think as thumb says they will just rewrite history. Anyway how will it help now, it's so true they have made their choice and we have to try and pick ourselves up and dust ourselves down and get stronger. Any answers won't make any difference now.

Ooooh deffo Peter Andre then or maybe Jordan???

More of a limed ash myself

Note to self: apply self tan am feeling pasty and inadequate!

that stuff you put on your fence < racks brains for name >

Hi Romney, have been thinking about you, hows it going?

Think you're all right, although I have a strong need to know some kind of truth??? Am having to re-write my history for last year, nothing was what it seemed IYSWIM - not sure why its important?

Hope you are OK.