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Original poster

HUSBAND LEFT AFTER AN AFFAIR III - AM MOVING ON WITHOUT HIM

859 replies

solost · 10/02/2011 21:56

My husband left me in mid-August when I found out he was having an affair. My original thread (husband had an affair and I want him back) detailed the fact that I felt he had made a mistake and asked for advice on how to get him to see sense and come back to me and our 3 DCs. Four months on, he still hasn't returned and I am re-buildling my life without him. That thread is now full. This is the continuation. Thanks to all of you for your support.

OP posts:
Original poster
solost · 16/02/2011 23:19

Creosote (spelt incorrectly - its very late)

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 16/02/2011 23:21

ah yes, creosote

can be bought quite cheaply, in industrial quantities

when I used to apply it to the ex, it took a full crate to cover the breasticle area Shock

Original poster
solost · 16/02/2011 23:28

You applied it to the breasticle area Shock

He has/had moobs?

As some kind of foreplay?

Was ex Simon Cowell per chance?

Thanks for cheering me up Grin

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Original poster
solost · 16/02/2011 23:30

Am off for a lie down.

And a read of Harry Potter - have pilfered DSs Goblet of Fire!

Sleep well x

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PeterAndreForPM · 16/02/2011 23:31

night x

LittleMissHissyFit · 16/02/2011 23:31

Bonne Nuit!

plupervert · 17/02/2011 09:07

I thought the ex was Jordan, so lots of coverage needed? (as the clothes aren't doing the job Grin)

Yes, do give up on the questions. As I mentioned above, it's possible to live without what you think is "full knowledge". Yes, you have been excluded from knowing what was happening when it was happening, and that is a powerless position. However, even insider knowledge now won't give you more power, as the deeds have already been done.

thumbwitch · 17/02/2011 13:04

Blimey, this thread got a bit out of hand last night, didn't it! Grin

Hope you had a good read, Solost - The Goblet of Fire is currently DS's favourite film, despite him being 3.2, because it has dragons in it. So every other day I get asked for "Harry Potter dragons, mummy?" I'm sure I'm a Bad Parent for letting him watch it at such a young age but he doesn't seem to have had any ill effects so far...

Glad you had a good laugh on here anyway - it's always nice to get a bit of light relief!

NOw for some hard stuff - so your H has to look after DS and DD2 on Sunday, picking them up from your ILs and bringing them back to the house. Is there some way you can limit his familiarity with the home? Perhaps change the kitchen drawers around or something? I would also consider locking your bedroom door if you have that facility - none of his business what is in there any more.

In fact, is any of his stuff left in the bedroom or elsewhere at all? If so - go and bag/box it up, label it clearly and tell him in no uncertain terms that either he takes it with him on Sunday when he leaves or you will dump it.

He needs to realise that your home is no longer his - so oust him from it.

Original poster
solost · 17/02/2011 21:47

Hi Thumb, was a bit of light relief last night Grin was feeling a bit down tbh.

Have read the entire Harry Potter series to the DC's! so guess that makes me a Bad Parent too, alhough I did some creative editing!

Regarding his familiarity, I have redecorated various rooms!! (well re-emulsioned them!) and he has no reason to go upstairs!

I bagged all his stuff up when he left to live with BB - nothing of his remains!

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 17/02/2011 21:54

how you feeling tonight?

thumbwitch · 17/02/2011 21:59

That's excellent, solost! just remember though that just because he has no reason to go upstairs and into your room, doesn't mean he won't - while you're out of the house, he may take the opportunity to "check up on you".

actually, if you wanted to really wind him up, which of course you wouldn't cos you are a dignified lady, you could buy a pair of Calvin Klein bloke's pants and leave them somewhere conspicuous - see if he says anything!!

horsesandchickens · 17/02/2011 22:02

Meant to post this days ago!

Now that H has admitted that BB is not 'soul mate', nor will he marry her etc. It leads very sweetly on to why there is no way EVER DC should ever meet her.

She is for all accounts immaterial - he has said this. The children have no need to meet somebody who is not going to have any influence in there lives, especially given the circumstances of how she entered your lives.

That can be a weight off your mind Solost. You shouldn't worry about this anymore now.

Original poster
solost · 17/02/2011 22:05

Hey Pete! (have I pulled Grin)

Im OK, much better than last night, although you did cheer me up with your randomness!!?

H came round tonight to take DS to footy practice - when he came back to spend time with DDs I went upstairs, just came down to say goodbye.

How am I doing?

Trying hard to detach.

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StarExpat · 17/02/2011 22:05

Thumb great idea. My DS (2y 4mo) loves dragons and always reads the dragon books. I could just pop in goblet of fire! Seriously thank you! He'll fall over seeing them "real". He can home talking all about the dinosaurs in London today (went to natural history museum). At lunch he said "maybe we will see a brachiosaurus in here!" Hmm
anyway- huge tangent Blush
I also think you should stop asking H for answers or timelines of events.
If kids ask why they are being collected by daddy at pils now instead of at home just say that's the new arrangement. Daddy doesn't live here anymore.

Original poster
solost · 17/02/2011 22:07

On the bedpost maybe!!??

Thumb, you are wicked Grin

Used or fresh??!!

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StarExpat · 17/02/2011 22:08

I think you did well to go upstairs, but it isn't really helping the dc to understand that he doesn't live there anymore. However, I don't think you really want them to understand that fully.

Original poster
solost · 17/02/2011 22:10

HORSES: Exactly, agree entirely. And H has already admitted that he knows that the DCs meeting BB would be the wrong thing to do.

You are right, it is a HUGE weight off my mind. I am so glad I stuck to my guns now.

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Original poster
solost · 17/02/2011 22:14

STAREXPAT: I think they do understand you know. DD2 asked me last Saturday why H had to leave them at 4.00pm and I told her he had go back to where he lives now, to his 'girlfriend'. She replied 'but they are not even MARRIED!!, when are they getting married?' I told her I didnt know, that she would have to ask Daddy when he called. Unfortunately, she had forgotten by the time he rang, would have loved to see him get out of that one!!

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PeterAndreForPM · 17/02/2011 22:18

solost....get your coat, luv Wink

Original poster
solost · 17/02/2011 22:23

Ooooh Pete, you charmer you Wink

Forgot to mention, just happened to let slip that I was out with 'friends' on Saturday night as DCs sleeping out........

H immediately offered to babysit Hmm

Said no thanks, got it all under control.

Am mooooving on!

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StarExpat · 17/02/2011 22:23

Sorry that sounded harsh. I didn't mean to Blush. I just think that as long as their dad's contact with them is mostly in their/your home it will remain confusing. I'll back away though and leave it to others if I'm way off base.

StarExpat · 17/02/2011 22:25

Good not letting him babysit! It's just his way of wanting to be more informed and in control of what you are up to! :)

PeterAndreForPM · 17/02/2011 22:26

oh, solost, am lovin' your sexy new assertiveness !

will you be my mysterious girl ?

you are sending me insania

< rubs creosote into six-pack >

Original poster
solost · 17/02/2011 22:27

Star, no need to apologise Smile

I do understand where you are coming from.

Its just a bit difficult with H living so far away. As I mentioned previously, there is no way H is taking them to BB's (3 kids, small 1 bed flat??).

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PeterAndreForPM · 17/02/2011 22:27

star...you are not off base