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Original poster

HUSBAND LEFT AFTER AN AFFAIR III - AM MOVING ON WITHOUT HIM

859 replies

solost · 10/02/2011 21:56

My husband left me in mid-August when I found out he was having an affair. My original thread (husband had an affair and I want him back) detailed the fact that I felt he had made a mistake and asked for advice on how to get him to see sense and come back to me and our 3 DCs. Four months on, he still hasn't returned and I am re-buildling my life without him. That thread is now full. This is the continuation. Thanks to all of you for your support.

OP posts:
LifeMovesOn · 25/04/2011 22:32

Great news Solo, so happy for you.

Keep it going, keep smiling and now you have your lovely holiday to look forward to :)

xx

Original poster
solost · 25/04/2011 22:37

Hi Havepatience,

Yes, the DC's seemed perfectly happy about going on holiday without H. I am a little sad (in a way) how quickly they seem to have adapted to life without him, but on the other hand my fears of how much our situation would damage them seem to be largely unfounded. In fact when we had our little chat before I booked and I asked them how they would feel about going on holiday without daddy, littlest DD replied 'i'm not bothered about him not coming!'. Im sure we will have a great time! Grin

H told me he thought 2 weeks was too long for him to be away from them/them to be away from him, when I told him, I replied 'you should have thought about that before you left!'.

OP posts:
Original poster
solost · 25/04/2011 22:38

Hi Lifemoveson,

Thank you [busmile] x

OP posts:
Original poster
solost · 25/04/2011 22:42

Hi Lifemoveson,

You are right. It does help to have something to look forward to. Some of my friends are in shock though, they can't believe I am going alone with the DC's. But I can't let H leaving stop the DC's having a holiday and although I am v.nervous about going abroad alone with the DC's, I am sure we WILL be fine! [busmile] x

OP posts:
Original poster
solost · 25/04/2011 22:43

Timeformeisfree, Thank you [busmile] x

OP posts:
TimeForMeIsFree · 25/04/2011 22:49

I think you are brilliant Solost. I am planning to take my DD on holiday as soon as I have the money and I am so looking forward to doing it alone. I can imagine it will be one in the eye for my ex too which makes me all the more determined to do it! [bugrin]

fridascruffs · 25/04/2011 23:04

Hi Solost,
I take the DCs abroad, it's fine and you'll love being able to make all your own decisions. It's no more difficult than anything else you do on your own really, it'll be great. Have fun & don't worry!

plupaschalrelief · 26/04/2011 08:10

It's silly of your friends to "be in shock you're going alone with the children". Do they expect you to be a widow and sit at home - or take him with you?! Neither option is fair on you or the children.

Plenty of family trips are taken with just the mother with the children,so it's not as though you are some sort of "deviant" whose holiday without a man will attract the attention of terrorrist police, for throwing a bomb at the nuclear-family society! Wink

HavePatience · 29/04/2011 21:09

That is odd. Why are your friends shocked about that? Confused

Original poster
solost · 29/04/2011 22:58

Hi HavePatience,

Maybe shocked is the wrong word, more surprised. I think it is because they are married maybe? and have never done/considered taking THEIR DC's on holiday alone. They expected me to invite a friend/my mum along to help out I think, rather than just go alone! But this is something I need to do by myself - and I am really looking forward to it. Smile

OP posts:
cenicienta · 30/04/2011 04:19

Yes you DO need to do it... and you'll probably find bits of it uncomfortable but afterwards you'll look back and see it as one of the milestones in your journey of becoming an independent woman.

I remember the first time I had to travel alone with my 2 (both under 4). I was terrified that I would need to go to the toilet on the plane but wouldn't be able to take them both with me... that I wouldn't manage them AND the suitcases, that one would run off, etc etc. But it wasn't half as bad as I'd imagined, and other people can be very helpful if you ask them nicely.

You'll have a great time and start to recognise qualities in yourself you never knew existed before.

abedelia · 30/04/2011 09:21

And you could always have a practice run. After H and I got back together I took mine (2 & 4 then) on a weekend away to London to see all the sights for some time out, but also to prove to myself I could do it. And it was great! Don't underestimate the fun of not having to consider the wants of another adult in deciding what you do for the day etc etc. Have fun!

thumbwitch · 04/05/2011 15:52

Just thought I'd do a search for this thread as it fell off my Threads I'm On some while ago. :)

Solost - pleased to hear that you are settling into your new life ok and I guess you have given up on the idea of pushinc for divorce for now then? So you'll not be bothering to go for divorce on the grounds of adultery, you're happy to wait it out for the 2 years now and do "irreconcilable differences" instead, are you?

Glad you're going on holidays with the DC on your own - big step but once you've done it once, you know you can do it fine.
I am taking DS back to England by myself this weekend for the 3rd time - DH refuses to accompany us as he has no urge to see England (like I do) and he hates flying. I find it's actually easier to go without DH though because while I have "full" (hahaha) control over DS, it means I can do what I like without having to agree it all with DH first. Grin So much easier, honestly! And you still have the DC to talk about the day with when you get back to wherever you're staying.

Good luck - will try and keep up with where you are with things now. :)

AnyFucker · 04/05/2011 18:20

give us a wave as you fly over, tw Smile

pluPassionatelyHatingAntiAV · 04/05/2011 18:49

AnyFucker, you're back?! I was expecting AVFucker at the very least! Grin

AnyFucker · 04/05/2011 19:32

ha, plu, am ignoring anything to do with politics at the mo Smile

pluPassionatelyHatingAntiAV · 04/05/2011 21:37

Point taken. (says she with the over-the-top screamy username). Welcome back, anyway.

Original poster
solost · 04/05/2011 22:13

CENICIENTA: Good to here your positive story! I am sure we will be fine Smile after all whats the worst than can happen? - on second thoughts won't go there!

ABEDELIA: Good idea - I quite fancy a weekend away! You are right about not having another adult to consider - I am already realising that!

THUMBWITCH: Hi, sorry to hear I fell off your 'threads Im on' list Smile
My solicitor said that I could still divorce on the grounds of adultery after 6 months, but am just taking time out from the legal stuff atm. I am adjusting to my new life and enjoying the DC's and the gorgeous weather we are having. The DC's and I organised a street party on Friday - didn't watch the wedding though, felt a bit sad, busied myself preparing for the party - it was fab! Then on Saturday we bought a puppy!!!! Don't know what came over me really - we only went for a look - fatal with the DC's in tow! The DC have always wanted a dog but H didnt - so now he's not here any more....... Its like having a baby (without the presents and cards!) have had a steady stream of visitors ever since! So life is moving on, H is still seeing the DC's on his agreed days and telephoning at our agreed times.

AF: So glad to see you're back - this place hasn't been the same without you Smile

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/05/2011 22:24

ta, plu and solost x

congrats on the new doggy, he/she will reward you with much faithfulness and unconditional adoration (unlike a certain someone)

HerHissyness · 05/05/2011 00:30

AF never left the building, she/he had a cunning disguise. Tanned, 6-packed and oily.

The 'place' never had a day without our beloved AF.... thought everyone knew... I'm hardly miss marple!

But EggyFucker and RoyalFucker.... can't believe people thought you were not here... cackles! I grew to like Pete and his lecherous ways, but AF is, well AF.

I know I only have one, but we've never been on hols/travel with X, only he and I. WE've been Cairo - NYC, Cairo - London etc tons of times, OK, lived there, but it's still travelling... Grin

Last year we drove on holiday to North Wales and it was AWESOME, gave us loads of one-on-one time, no MN, no email, no distractions..

Confused no MN?

..No miserable bastard pissing on our day, no grumpy bugger wanting to sleep, moan about the cold, rain, cost, getting up before 2pm....

this year I'll do Snowdonia again and hopefully a ferry to Ireland to spend some time with my fellow ex-inmate from Alex, who is back home again now too!

X doesn't want me to go. he told me not to go, and not to take the car to Ireland, it's not safe apparently, but my friend says that there are no issues and not to worry. Seems to be just him telling me not to go near my friend. the one he told I'd been in a mental institute etc to... Bugger that!

thumbwitch · 05/05/2011 00:37

that's good to hear solost :)

AF - have rhapsodised about your return in your best guise already on another fred , so won't bore anyone by repeating myself

Hissy - your ex is still havin a go at controlling you, isn't he, bless! Bet you're going to have a lovely time in Ireland (does he really think you're likely to have the car blown up?? Unless you're ex-military, it's highly improbable!) I can't say I'm surprised he doesn't want you to go to someone who knows exactly what you had to put up with - he thinks that him being away will soften you up so you'll fall on his neck in gratitude for his return whenever he chooses to come back! Stupid git.

Will wave at you all whenever I fly over England - not long now!

HerHissyness · 05/05/2011 00:52

Ohh, thumb do a smoke trail! I want to see a comet's tail streak across skies... [daft bugger]

Oh yes, he thinks we'll go and live in Reading like HELL I will! very strange place I wouldn't live ANYWHERE with him, never again! I did tell him he could go and live where ever he liked but didn't actually told him all of the other stuff out loud since he left, only in the arguments before he left. I never ring him though.

Congrats on the Puppy solo, what breed is it, or is it a mutt, is it cute??? pics??? Grin fantastic idea of yours! really great to hear how you're growing!

fantus · 05/05/2011 08:24

Hi Solost,

Just wanted to pop in and say you sound like you are doing great, well done. What puppy did you get, have you named it yet, do you need suggestions or have the DC's already picked???

The holiday sounds like a great idea and you will and the DC's will have a great time I'm sure x

gettingeasier · 05/05/2011 09:15

Hi Solost

I am really glad you are doing so well

My taking the dc on holiday by myself last year was a big milestone and afterwards I was pleased but also wondered why I had built it up so much in my mind.

Funnily enough it ended up demonstating how awkward, controlling and negative my ex was on a lot of our holidays ! The phrase well rid came to mind !

How lovely getting a puppy Smile

Keep moving forward and getting stronger Smile

perfectstorm · 27/05/2011 16:23

Solost, how are things? Hope all is well.