Advice please - confrontation looming with my parents

[imustbemadasaboxoffrogs]

In summary. They favour my brother's elder daughter have done for years.

But it was her birthday recently. My kids get £10 in an envelope, DD2 got a home made dolls house.

Neice got an Ipod Touch from them.

I am going to have to speak to them - my two are gutted. (DN has been crowing by email to DD1)

Help me frame the conversation so it doesn't descend into a shouting match?

How is the relationship in general? Do you think it's actually worth talking to them or are you creating grief for yourself? If they're generally toxic and unreasonable then it might be better to explain the situation to your DCs and let it go. Perhaps distance yourself from them. Your DCs should realise this sort of behaviour is wrong and does not have to accepted.

Have you made them aware of how you feel about this before, or is this the first confrontation?

what will speaking to them achieve anyway if they are already favouring one? they know what they are doing.

I'm not sure you can reasonably confront them about it. It's their money to spend how they please. I think you need to have a chat to your DCs and explain that your parents are complete tits.

:(

That's so sad for your dd. I find MIL favours her other grandchildren but more with her time and effort rather than money. DS's are still young enough to be sheltered from it. I probably do take the path of keeping a distance tbh.

I think you should speak to them and possibly your brother too

Relationship is usually good.

Have chickened out of confronting it - brothers new wife did last summer though, coz they have a wee one who was getting left out. She flipped her lid

If you're pushing for answers as to why they do it, and you can hardly be blamed for wanting to know, you need to be prepared to potentially learn something hurtful. Sorry to be so blunt :(

Brother is well aware. They were on holiday at mum and dad's last year and it won't be repeated because of the attitude. (The neice is from a previous marriage)

Thing is I wouldn't care if they all got the same - it's not about wanting a big present iyswim

The fact that she is from a previous marriage is the key here I think.

Are the gifts some way of compensating?

possibly.

But then I'm separated too so....

Oh shiney I do like you you talk sense

Agree with shiney.

And I think you are doing the right thing by addressing it.

That is perfect shiney

I would rather not fall out with them, but I fear it will end in a row.

It doesnt need to end in a row. What Shiney says is very good, to the point, and not confrontational.

Is it possible that they dont even know there is conversation between the kids about who got what?

Does the Dad have custody of the daughter, or just access and that means the GP's see less of the grandaughter?

Is she the first grandchild?

Perhaps they feel that they see your grandchildren more, so treats etc even it out over the year?

Not defending them, as it does sound unbalanced but it is possible they have no malice in this, and are not aware it is causing any friction.

My bother only has access and lives far from my parents so visits are occasional.

She is the 4th Grandchild in chronological order.

Given the row last year I think my mother knows only too well

Do they see all the other grandchildren on a regular basis?

No. My older boys are at uni and mum and dad lived away when they were growing up so it was the reverse with them - we only saw them once or twice a year.

Brother has another child with his now wife who they only see once a year, and she isn't favourited.

Maybe I am being thick, but who is DD2 who got the home made dolls' house? You say your kids got £10, niece got Ipod, so who's DD is DD2?

Cannot understand grandchildren not being treated equally - it's beyond weird.

That confused me too, but I read it back again and think the Op means she has 2 older sons and 2 younger daughters..

A homemade doll house could be artsy, beautifully crafted, and a memorable gift. Did FIL make it?

A homemade dolls house sounds beautiful. Is it?

I'm afraid I don't know any of the background to this. What are the ages of all the dc involved?

bubblewrap - I've looked at it again and OP says 'my two are gutted" so think she only has 2 DCs? Maybe she meant to say DN2, not DD2, which would seem to fit? I mean a homemade dolls house is a great present.

Ok I have 4 kids altogether - 2 boys age 20 and 18 (almost 19) then DD1 age 12 and DD2 age 9.

DN is 11

DN2 is 3.

My Dad made the dolls house out of plywood so that it fitted her Sylvanians family stuff. It's nice but basic iyswim (not ungrateful she's had loads of fun out of it)