Do you expect a new DP to ask before first penetration?

[OneMoreChap]

I was shocked to find that some people would think that because I have never said, in effect "May we proceed to coitus" I've possibly been having non-consensual sex.

I've asked girls if I may kiss them, and even women too. I've never asked "Can we have intercourse?"

I wonder what some women expect? Should consent be in writing - as otherwise you could change your mind?

Should it be witnessed? As it could have been under duress?

Surely, the premise should be "no means no"?

I'm just stunned, but then I'm 50+ and long time out of the dating/chasing game.

umm, not personally, I expect that if we got to the stage that it was going to happen - I would be rolling the condom on, and he could assume that I was happy to proceed.

Fuck off.

And I've read your disgusting comments you made on the thread that seems to have inspired you to write this shameful OP.

it can be a tricky area re a defense to an accusation of rape. The Sex Offenders Act 2003 emphasises that a man cannot assume consent simply because she didn't say "no" in the 'build up" to any act of sex. A good development imo.

As a guy, I have to say - yes you should gain some sort of approval to proceed.

The 1st time I slept with my DP, I asked, "are you sure this is what you want?" before. So it's not that difficult.

And yes, I have had consent withdrawn before.

I was on holiday, and went on a date with a ggirl. I was 17, she was 16. When we got back to the hotel, which I had arranged to bbe empty, she decided that she did not want rto go any further, and asked that we sleep in separate beds.

I think both examples are pretty clear, yes?

ooh. Not seen another thread on associated issue.

earwigca what disgusting comments?

TheAtomicBum ah - no consent is easy.
I've had women say they don't want to sleep with me.
I've had girls move away from a kiss.

As I say, I've never specifically asked "can we shag" - though I've asked if can kiss.

If no is said so it is no...

If you're 50+, I suggest you don't try to kiss "girls".

You took the words out of my mouth Rainydaze.

Rainydaze when I was a boy, I kissed girls. When I was a man, I kissed women.

Better?

Oh, and as a man, nobody ever moved away from a kiss, because - I think - you learn to read the signals better.

As far as I know, I never had non-consensual sex with anyone. I haven't really been a one-night stand sort of person, so it would have to have been a pretty odd sort of non-consensual I think.

earwicga do you have issues with me? What have I said to offend you?

I'm new here so if I have transgressed some mumsnet etiquette, please let me know.

I can see how girls/women could have been misinterpreted - but I hope you recognise there was no derogatory labelling intended.

Treat them how you would want your daughter to be treat - though hopefully they are a tad older.

I have read the other thread and don't see OMC made any offensive comments.

My daughter's 18.

She understands consent.
She understands risk.

She knows what alcohol brings; she knows what it means to be in dangerous places.

Usually ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak my partners have tended to be around my age or older. Youngest was 19 when I was 17, oldest is DW who's my age. Biggest age difference was she was 30 when I was 20; other way 20 when I was 23

You say "As far as I know, I never had non-consensual sex with anyone". Sorry but that sounds to me like you have coersed women/girls to sex. Because if the signals you were receiving from the women you have slept with were clear enough you would know you had consent. Personally I don't believe in the "generational thing" as you try to refer to when you say your in your 50s. So is my dp and he's not got such problems... Perhaps you should try talking to one of your previous sex partners who you can trust will give you a frank answer and ask them if they did feel coersed at any time by you. For the future also take TheAtomicBum's advice onboard.

So much more about your sex life than I ever needed to know - I didn't actually ask for the low down on your sexual history

I know this is a "parenting site" for "parents" but what the eff does a 50 year old man want on here? Sorry if I am breaking some MN code...I know there are SAHD's wwho come on...and MOthers of teens...but a 50 year old man? WHY?

All the men I know of that age are busy doing...well 50 year old man thing....they're on sites about things they are interesed in...not parening forums.

Funny that the OP is only asking about sex related things.

And I have shamelessly looked at the OPs contribtions to various threads...and there does seem to be some pattern....

I think there is a double standard going on here to some degree. If OneMoreChap were a 50 year old woman, for instance, there would be no questioning her being on the site.

My general feeling is that male posters tend to be guilty until proven innocent, and female innocent until proven guilty.

Conflug - the difference is that most 50 year old women don't join just to discuss their sex lives.

'she knows what it means to be in dangerous places'

Don't get raped

ANYWHERE can be a 'dangerous place'.

earwicga excellent link