Do you expect a new DP to ask before first penetration?

[OneMoreChap]

I was shocked to find that some people would think that because I have never said, in effect "May we proceed to coitus" I've possibly been having non-consensual sex.

I've asked girls if I may kiss them, and even women too. I've never asked "Can we have intercourse?"

I wonder what some women expect? Should consent be in writing - as otherwise you could change your mind?

Should it be witnessed? As it could have been under duress?

Surely, the premise should be "no means no"?

I'm just stunned, but then I'm 50+ and long time out of the dating/chasing game.

Wimple: strangely enough, 50 year old men are often parents too. Many are even in relationships or would like to be. OP even says that he has a daughter.

If you look at the top of the page you will also see that Mumsnet is "by parents for parents", and this section is about relationships. Fair enough?

On the other hand, OMC, you ought to damn well know if sex is consensual or not. If your hand keeps getting moved away, or if your questions of "is this nice" don't get appreciative answers, then it's time to stop.

Hi Onemorechap. I think the whole issue is a bit of a minefield, as witnesses on the other thread. I think most people are aware where the line is without actually having to ask "are you sure you want to do it", but that is one of the points of getting to know someone before you have sex (I discover!), so that you are pretty sure that you both feel the same, and that either party feels free to be themselves, say what they need to say.

I know "threads about a thread" are a bit off, but why can't a 50 yo man post on here ?

I will soon be nearer 50 than 40, and my children are no longer tiny tots...should I bog off too ? (ok, some of you don't answer that...)

I am the biggest piss-taker of the inadequates who post only on sex threads, but I tend to pull them up when I see it

from what I see here, the only mistake that OP made was to post about another thread which I have lurked on but not posted (too much of a bunfight, and for once am not right in the middle of it)

don't a lot of newbies do that, though ?

OP might be a bloke, but here are lots of women who have questioned the premise of verbal consent for every single step of a sexual encounter

AnyFucker - another mistake the OP made was the disgusting OP.

ear...I don't see what is "disgusting" about his OP ?

it is a bit "I am man, hear me roar"

a bit arrogant, perhaps

but "disgusting" ? no, not IMO

Anyfucker - don't you think that most people join, post a bit, hang around a bit and then start a thread about something... or jump in with a 'I need parenting help' urgently type thread - it's usually under bridge dwellers who only post about sex and who start a thread about sex the day after they join.

I think there is a definite subtext to the OP. The subtext being that women who 'cry rape' because the man didn't ensure they were consenting are bullshitters and liars. That the fairly modern notion that the man should ascertain consent rather than presume it apparently leads to innocent men being accused of rape. I have heard this before in many forms - 'should a man ask at every stage, is this ok, do you definitely consent, can I put this there' and if you don't ask at every stage you lay yourself open to charges of rape. It comes from a place that essentially ridicules the idea that men should ensure the woman is consenting. As most normal people know, the balance of responsibility shifted to the man to gain consent in order to try to address scenarios where the woman is incapable of giving consent at the time of intercourse due to alcohol/drug use etc...but certain men have taken great umbrage at this for some reason.

well yes chip...and I always pull those people up on the thread in question

I always take the piss out of the inadequates ... there are some women who do that too

I have a supposedly female poster in my sights at the moment... "she" is literally obsessed and posts only on the bumsex/cunnilingus/BJ/strap-on type threads

< shrugs again >

how do you read someone's previous posts? I'm curious now and will have to check myself to see if I too can see a pattern!!

I think OMC made a very sensible contribution to the other thread.

I hate the way some people make all men out to be the enemy. They are not and implying they are is sexist and horrible in much the same way that I'd take issue with men disrespecting women

I am near OMC's age with a teen daughter so don't take issue with him being on here at all? Why be so judgemental to his age and sex?

mummymunter...go to "advance search" to the top right of your screen and type in the poster's name

can be very illuminating !

I think he made some very salient points on the other thread, nothing disgusting or rape-apologetic at all.
I'm rapidly approaching 50 and have a grown up DD, so by rights I shouldn't be here either, I also mainly post on sex threads, does that say something untoward about my motives?

Isn't that a bit CHEEKY AF?

I see you, mal

but that wasn't the one I meant

I wonder when Robin will come strolling along? I well suspect at least two of them to be the same person you know

I agree with you op and see the point you are making.

Sex in any circumstances, unless you sign a decree first can be seen as rape on here.

Oh gawd, not more of OMC trying to fellate himself for being such a very reasonable, and woman-friendly bloke.

I will be sick.

Ooh, my curiosity is piqued now.

AF - this is the thread in question

I have a supposedly female poster in my sights at the moment... "she" is literally obsessed and posts only on the bumsex/cunnilingus/BJ/strap-on type threads I wouldn't know anything about someone who only posts on those threads

cg

mal..will pm you

oh what intentionally inflammatory tosh. I Digital Spy down again?

nope chip, not with ya

Nope, I can't work out who you mean - put me out of my misery, there's a poppet

What is fundamentally wrong with OMC's posts?

He sounds sane,unlike some of the screaming harpies on MN at the moment.