Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.2

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Starting, yes where do you meet these guys?

Sov, hope all is ok

Getting, any response yet to the email?

Well girls, all went kind of as well as could be expected with ds yesterday. A generally harrowing experience though and one that I hope I never have to repeat. These meetings have now come to a close tg. DS has left today and I have found the whole experience very emotional, find it very strange not having ds with me but chaotic with him here. Difficult also hearing about his complaints re the saint and not joining in but instead saying ' yes darling, I'm sure dad had his reasons for not telling the truth. Can you try to do your best to get on with him?'

Waves to everyone else x

at so many dumplings suddenly producing men , although I really would only be interested in one as a pet .

Sov how are you feeling today ? What sort of recovery time is there for your op? I hope your Mum is helping out with the dc , no point asking if that prat of an ex of yours is I suppose ?

Elsie great to see you so happy , you have recovered so quickly really. I love walking and a dog would be handy sometimes. Take it from the wink you are going to be coy and mysterious about your date

Starting life sounds like fun atm - are you meeting this man on sunday when xh has the dc ?

Happy is ds going permanently to Bumpkinland now ? How are the forms all going ? Negociations with the Saint etc ?

Goo , Patience and Maybee do the dumplings proud later and have loads of fun , I look forward to a full report

Well I will be brief dont want to be a downer.

Seems beyond belief but I am experiencing lack of sleep, that awful stomach physical anxiety and general Oh my god my husbands left what going to become of me feelings.

I know its directly because of leaving here and the other stuff I have talked about but for some reason that isnt consoling me at all. Oh well experience tells me I just have to keep going and will come out the other side , this too shall pass !!

No response from xh so I dont think he will now. The sad truth is even though it felt like quite a powerful email for me for him he might well have glanced through it rolled his eyes and pressed the delete key even though he has never received one like that before. He sent me a text last night about a plumber so I def think he wont reply and also in it I said I dont expect a response.

I am guessing that apart from all the obvious reasons he has detached that leaving our house was a big step forward and I am thinking it will be for me too which is why its stirring up emotion atm . Patience does that sound right ?

Anyway going to get on with it have Mum staying so really want to put my focus on that as I dont see her much

Waves to all

Oh, I missed the bit about the date Elsie. How exciting!

Getting, I've noticed that I look forward to your morning round up! I can imagine how horrible the house stuff must be. Must resist putting my head back in the sand on that one. On Ds, not sure what will happen. Can't have him home atm but suspect that he will be home at some point. On a positive note, he is better than he was. Have to look at forms over the next week or so. Have tried again to discuss offer with be but we are way apart on expectations I think (in other words hes going for the jackpot I think) .

Jealous of your night out, Patience, Goo and Maybee and hope you have a great time.

Kate, is good to see you posting.

Tea, do think the flying is a good idea btw.

Starting, must be weird having these convos with xh now.

Waves to all.

Happy, glad to hear that things are moving in the right direction with ds.

Getting, sorry you can't sleep. It's infuriating as it sets you up badly for the next day, I find. Hope you have a lovely time with your mum. I miss mine hugely.

Starting, good that XH apologised but he shouldn't keep putting himself in that position as sorry soon loses its currency when you have to say it every other day. Good idea to lower your expectations to zero to avoid disappointment.

Not meaning to be mysterious about the date. He's a friend of a friend of a friend and in a similar situation to me although no infidelity involved. I don't know what else to say as there isn't any more to it than that. I'm not even sure I find him particularly attractive but my friend keeps telling me he's gorgeous but then she would say that, wouldn't she ? He is 6'2" (love tall men) and an officer of the law so I'll give it a go, why not ?

Hope the Scottish night out is a good one.

Getting I was the same ie very emotional when I left my house.also they say 8 mths or so after ur split u have a huge crash ,like the shock kicks in.like if he had died .
I remember crying my eyes out the weekend I left my house.panic ,not wanting to let go of my past,cried big dramatic tears in front of X ,he said u need to get a grip.he was already in bed with gf at this point.my advice is cry if u need to cry let it all out then move to ur new house and don't look back.

On the train to Glasgow x

Haven't read anything, just come on to have my own pity party you dont have to read as it will be very wallowing sorry

Had my op thursday, stayed at mums till 7pm when i brought the DC home on my own and put them to bed, next day had a friend take ds1 and ds2 to school and collect other than that i have had no help what so ever, my house looks like world war 3, 4 and 5 have gone off in it and i am still in pain with what looks like my stitches have reopened and it feels like no body gives a damn, no ones been to see me, my mum has rung but not to see how i am or offer any help, i am pretty much left to it on my own and i have spent the entire afternoon sobbing my heart out because i feel so alone and i actually miss XP :(
He was useless but at least he was here to give me a hug when i felt in pain and scared or even to make me a cup of tea now i have no one
I thought about ringing him and asking for help but i just cant do it, the DC are running around with no clothes on and the house is a state and even if he did come which i doubt he would because it is me that needs him not the DC he would just make me feel worse by critising everything and there wouldnt even be a cuddle at the end of it
Also chances are that if i called him he would be too busy with ow or his friends to actually come and help and if i rang i would probably be crying and seeing as he doesnt care one tiny little bit about me he would be unsympathetic so whats the point
it comes down to times like this when i have had an op and need practical support to know that i am alone, it is just me and DC and it is shit and depressing :-(

havent read it back so probably just a load of ramble sorry to dump this here but i have no where else

Oh Sov, that sounds awful.

Is there anyone at all that you can get to help? I hate asking people to help but there have been a couple of times when I've just had to collapse and call for help and people have helped. I think sometimes, if there is someone you can think of, you just have to call them and be very direct (which goes against the grain if you see what I mean). A few months ago, I had a nightmare with ds, in the end rang the counsellor I'd seen and said what shall I do, I'm at the end of my tether? He advised me to ask XH for help (which generally we'd agreed was not a good idea...but he realised that on this occasion there wasn't much choice given the nature of the problem), I did, got no help from XH despite the call out and then, in the end asked another relation who (lovely lady) dropped everything and came for the weekend. (Moral of the story - xh is a tw'**t)

Thinking of you ... keep dumping on here ....... it sounds awful and post op stuff must be crap on top of everything else. It will pass, it just doesn't feel like it right now I'm sure

Sov, I really, really feel for you. When I was on my own with eldest age 7 and 9 I was admitted to hospital late on a Sunday night with suspected acute appendicitis. I had to ask XH for help and he had to do it. Or come up with an alternative. Or the dc would have gone into emergency care.
If you get an infection and have to be readmitted to hospital who will you call on? Call on that person NOW because you need some help urgently or you risk becoming quite poorly.
I wish you were closer x

Also Sov, dc probably love running round with no clothes on and making a mess . Are they warm, fed and watered? More importantly, are YOU warm, fed and watered? Nothing else is urgent today.

Sov, never mind naked kids etc, as long as they're warm and fed. All that matters is you. Is it a full hysterectomy that you've had ? Just watch your stitches fgs.

Really feel for you xxx

Sov love be careful. Can homestart come and help out a bit? Could you ask your HV about some help until you heal? You've had major surgery and need to be careful. I'm so sorry

I'm sorry I'm not keeping up much with the thread, doing lots of reading and pampering right now, just saw Sov's comment.

Thanks everyone, kids are warm and fed, although that in itself was a struggle

ET i honestly dont have anyone to call on unless it was crisis point, DM would only take DC unless it was that or emergency care, have told her im in pain, stiches are reopening, house is a state and i'm struggling to see to the DC and she says, they should be helping you, grr their kids ffs, 8,3,2 and 1 yr old it's not up to them to help me
Friends utter the well meaning "if you need anything just call" till you do and they are too busy and cant help
I think i have finally figured out why i stayed with XP for so long, it was because i felt he was the only one i had, he wasnt much help but he was the only help available iyswim
Against everything screaming at me in my body i think i'm going to have to call him, even if he shuts me down at least i tried, it might be me that needs the help but it is help for the dc just dont feel like i have a choice and i really really dont want to

Pink it was steralisation not hysterectomy tg but they have cut through my old c section scar which is what has reopened, it took ages to heal in the first place and reopened and got infected so cutting through it again wasnt a wise choice imo

i hate feeling useless and reliant on others and it just drives home to me how alone i am, especially when i do try to rely on others and find that actually there is no one there to catch you when you fall just empty promises, the thing that really ticks me off is if i was still in middlesbrough i would have to fight people to let me do things as there would be so many trying to help it would be ridiculas, just makes me miss them all even more but i know it's not practical for me to live there again, cor pity parade has really got me today lol

Sov, maybe you're closer to crisis point than you think? Can you pack the kids and yourself off to bed and re-evaluate in the morning? If necessary, telephone the hospital or emergency doc. Your wound should not have re-opened and I think you need to be seen and explain that you have NO support at home which is not conducive to a good recovery. Do not underestimate how much care you need to recover from surgery. If you get a wound infection you may find yourself back in hospital on IV antibiotics whcih cannot be administered at home. Then what happens to the dc? I'm not trying to scare you and hopefully it won't come to that. I really feel for you right now x

Sov giving u a big shout out from Glasgow big hugs ,we all love u very much x

Out in another pub now had to pop home for a cup of tea first ROCK N ROLL

Hope you girlies are having a great time in Glasgow!

Sov hope you are feeling better soon, ask you Mum for help, it's the least she can do when you need it.

ET good luck for the date, a law man, very nice.

Waves to everyone else.

Sov, woke up thinking of you. Hope you got some rest. How are you feeling? You may have to beg someone to have the dc today but please do whatever it takes.

Hope everyone else is ok. GGM, Maybee, Patience? Hangovers perchance?

Hi Romney, my date is a policeman rather than a law man . I'm quite looking forward to it but it is really strange to be going on a date at my age. DS let slip to XP that he was staying at dd's flat tonight and somehow he guessed that I had a date. Perhaps it was the dreamy look in my eyes. He was livid and said 'it hasn't taken you long to meet someone' to which I replied 'at least I waited 'til I was single!' Then he said, 'and exactly how long have you been single?' and I shot back with 'oh, it's coming up to 3 years now, I think.' Touche, XP!

Oh Sov I wish we could come and help , If you feel as poorly today then you must ask someone for help even if you feel uncomfortable doing so - dont get really ill

Elsie enjoy the date , if nothing else it will be a change of scenery !

Patience - a cup of tea ???? Hope you and the girls had fun and I assume with all that tea there are no sore heads.

Happy whatever you do dont put your head in the sand. Of course it may not apply to you but I have been surprised at how much of an emotional hornets nest this has created and I would hate for that to be in another six months time better to do it now and have it all in sequence. In hindsight as I knew from the off we would have to move I wish I had dealt with it earlier but I suppose you can only do what you can do at the time.

So after posting yesterday I went for a run and got my head straight again. I only have to spend a short time remembering the fight for his love and attention, his drinking , his selfishness etc before I am back on track.

Had a lovely day yesterday, nipped out with my group of friends for a drink at lunchtime and was telling them all about the house and got all excited

Had an odd moment as Mum and I went walking and the walk I always do has a section that runs parallel to the golf course. On the way home I looked over at a small group of men waiting to play and there was xh. Saw him looked away then did a double take and he waved so I waved back at him. If he hadnt of waved I wouldnt have recognised him (wrapped up)as he looked at a glance like an old man. Reading this back it sounds so what but trust me ladies it was most strange !!

Anyway today is meant to be the day the dc are around with their granny and no friends / facebook etc . Not sure what the plan is as its as grey as ever outside but hopefully I will be inspired with an idea in the next hour or so

Hope everyone has a nice day especially Starting as it sounds like you have earnt your sunday break this week

X post love that little exchange with XP Elsie - brilliant

waves to everyone. Had the most serene day yesterday drinking tea and eating cakes in a lovely tea shop in town,then had some food and a beer.didn't get home til after ten then had a strange situation with ggm having to assist me with a multi way bra.anyway wasted serious drinking time but looked fabulous ROFL.then went out for a couple but they stop serving at 1 and no drink in the flat so more tea and iron bru and no sore heads.ggm back on the train

now .waves to Maybee lovely to meet you both.have a lovely time Elsie.glad ur feeling better getting x
waves to sov x

Building a new trampoline with kids dad.
Neighbour shouts out
Awright pal ,yer bouncy bed nearly blew away in the wind ,is this u trying tae fix it.
x invites neighbour with alcohol dependency problems to bounce on new trampoline whenever he likes.neighbour declines the offer tf ,oh no pal all that bouncing is no fur me .

Made a complete fool of myself this morning. After a lot of thinking about it, I asked a chap this morning at church if he'd like to meet up sometime. The truth is with the children and with being a single parent the only way I could arrange something easily was if he came here once the children were in bed. So I suggested a movie. But it wasn't meant to be too serious. We've known each other for about 10 years. He said no.

I now feel so awkward and embarrassed and horrified that I even asked. I'm wondering what he's thinking, whose he told as he and I know lots of the same people. I went out on a limb as I really wanted to get to know him a little better and now I feel crushed. I left church with the kids hurridly and have spent most of the rest of the day trying not to cry. I haven't dated anyone since my divorce as you all know, I don't actually think I'm ready yet either tbh. I feel so confused. In fact I want to hide under a rock, change church and never show my face there again. I always worry about what people think of me, so this is now causing me immense worry, having put myself out there by asking. I wish I could rewind this morning. I feel so foolish and stupid.

Tea once you have let a few days pass you will know this isnt the big deal it feels now.

Fwiw I think that you were right to ask him over if thats what you wanted , its not easy meeting another man without the aid of the internet etc and if you knew him enough to ask then why not. Dont take it personally, try and imagine if the roles were reversed you wouldnt think any the less of him for asking would you ?

Hold your head high and make a point of speaking to him briefly but nicely at church next week

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