I have just hit my DH

[OhHelpMePlease]

So we were arguing about going to his parents house tomorrow and i just flipped and threw the candle stick at him. It hit his head and there was a little blood.

He didnt say anything and just went upstairs for 30mins. He has now walked out and is not anwering his phone.

Have i lost him? I havent got a clue on why i reacted that way.

Will he leave me?

Agree GreenArmy's post was very disturbing.

Especially "in came a woman with a police officer with a very slight bruise on her face, apparently he slapped her
What a waste of resources!"

That poor woman may have been hit once or been abused for years. She clearly felt threatened and terrified enough to involve the police and go to A&E.

OP's DH did not feel like this, he went back. He did of course have every right to act like that woman and report her.

And GreenAmy is surely a troll?

I would sincerely hope so!

Many posters on here shouting 'You abuser! He should leave you! You will do it again!' have an agenda - ie they are the posters who always tell women to leave their 'abusive' husbands after the scantest information in one original post. So they have to be seen to do the same when a woman posts.

I think either reaction is appalling and unhelpful and ridiculous because it does not take in to account individuals and individual situations.

Some on here have got locked in to their MN personas and have become two dimensional spouters of repetitive garbage no matter what an OP actually presents.

I threw a chair once when I totally lost it years ago.I can't even remember the scenario tbh but it was in my hands and i threw it.It didn't hit dp just landed on teh floor and stopped the row dead iykwim.I have never done anything like it before or since but certainly don't feel like an abuser and most people make the odd mistake.The OP sounds like she knows what she did was wrong and has had a good outcome this time.Obv op if you feel the need to react like this in a stressful situation again then you may have issues but it does sound hormonal.

Vintage is right....there COULD be hormonal issues...the OP has nevr done this before and Iloveitwhenyoucallmeboo there is no need to call people "abusers" when theyhave had one lapse of judgement...athe term abuser suggests the repetative abuse of someone...I had a glass of wine last night..my first in months...I almost never drink...does that one glass make me a "drinker"?

I once screamed and shouted at a stranger...for being very rude...guess what? I was in the very early stages of pregnancy.

DH has predicted both pregnancies by my loss of tempet like that...OP could you be pregnant?

Proudscaryvirgin you are SO right! Brilliant post...my first trip here under another name was to seek help and I had a lot of strangers tell me to leave my DH who is a great man....awful of them...it was under another name but I still think about what they said.

Just wanted to add my congrats that you are sorting this out. Hope you work out what went wrong and do get advice about trying for a child.

I hope you get proper help, OhHelpMePlease. There is a very good organisation called Mankind who specialise is helping men who are victims of abuse. Here They should be able to advise you about steps you can take to prevent it happening again. You could very very easily have caused a lot more damage than a little blood.

I have spoken to Mankind, because I have a relation who is being systematically abused by his partner, and I wanted to know what or how to be of any help. You do not want to live in fear of yourself for what you might do, so it's very important to get help for yourself, and for your dh to find help too. Very important not to feel alone.

GreenAmy
If you think ringing the police for DV cases is a 'waste of resources' then darling you need help, specially if your husband is doing what you say he is doing to you?!

I have to admit in fits of rage i have punch doors, thrown a glass at a wall and smashed it (during a bad stage in Relationship).

during argument DH has called me fat cow or what not and iv chased him up the stairs and smacked him and said to him 'Call me that again?' Needless to say he hasn't.

We have spoken about things like this and he has said me retaliating is what he needs to bring him back to reality that he cant speak to me like that and call me names that he called in a fit of anger. Hes never laid a finger on me and if he does it'l be the last thing he ever did.

I know have to him and i dont condone it and regret it but in anger things dont look as clear as they do when not in anger. I know its not an excuse and iv not hit him before or after that incident.

and to him it was a tap on the arm.

agree with Scottishmummy.

Proundnscaryvirginmary - your post is insensitive, patronising and offensive, but I am assuming that you are another one who is prone to bouts of temper and then protestations of 'Oh it wasn't my fault - it was the hormones, the lack of sleep, the tiredness and it won't happen again'

Go and educate yourself about how domestic violence starts and escalates and then come back with the benefit of your wisdom.

Proud's post was designed to bash other posters, not help the OP.

An agenda eh, proud ? Have a look at your own agenda.

I understand that there is a post about me in AIBU. I am ever so grateful to people who took time to listen to me, knocked some sense into me and suggested ideas for help.

This will be my last post for a while now as i want to concetrate on making things right with my DH.

He is being absolutely wonderful and looks to be more worried that i am in such a state.

I will let you have an update after a week or so.

THANK YOU ALL.

good luck x

Good luck, for your sake and for your dh.

ignore other threads. they are about other people's issues, you have bigger things to be dealing with.

OHMP - hope it all goes well

I have been following this post from the off and actually am reeling from the unhelpful shite that some people have posted. It has put into question (for me) how helpful Mumsnet is as a means of support when one has fucked up!

OP bless you for your honesty. Were that there were more people that put their hand up to their mistakes. I am glad you and your DH are able to work through this.

I agree with HildaVonCrapp - I've only been on mumsnet a week or so, but I have been a bit alarmed at how quickly replies seem to jump to extremes.

I once slapped my husband during an argument, after he'd hit me with a pillow - it didn't make me an abuser, we went on and had children and I have never hit them, and I never had violent thoughts or urges afterwards. People make mistakes, even ones like this, and it is concerning how the OP has immediately been branded a dangerous abuser who isn't safe to have kids.