The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The New Year Wine Offers!

[Mouseface]

Hello all.

We are the Brave Babes. We're on the Battle Bus, travelling around sobriety and going day by day, hour by hour, through the detox hell of not drinking, cutting down or sometimes even not.

Come say hi. We won't bite.

No doubt one of us has been where you are now......

It's fine. No judging, no nasty jibes, just us, the BBs.

Come meet the others..................

Silver!!!!!

How are you babe? Hate my phone being intermitent.

I would like to stop drinking. Haven't had a drink today, but last night my dp was working and I had a bottle of wine, hid the empty and then when he got home at 10, I pretended to be on my 2nd glass of the evening (bottle number 2). I binge terribly and I appear to have got myself to the point where a bottle of wine doesn't even touch the sides.

My Dad is also an alcoholic. My partner says my drinking is not problem drinking, but I am sure it is. I think it makes him feel better about his 2/3 cans a night habit if I am drinking too.

I regularly drink so much I can't remember the end of the evening or make an arse of myself and I hate the 'fear' which goes along with this. Oh, and I was working today and slept in ruining the morning for everyone.

Oh, and Hi folks Hope you are all having a lovely day.

Hi Mssoul - welcome to the thread.

You sound very much like me not so long ago, my DH did not think I had a problem either, but then, he did not know about the earlier bottle I had drunk alone!

How are you feeling today with not having a drink?

Hi Munkymaz. Thank you for your reply. Still a bit rough from yesterday actually I think it was the lying last night that was a wake up call. Growing up, I was always finding my Dad's empties hidden in the house and I can't do that to my kids. Being the child of an alcoholic is terrible.

I usually manage to stay off the wine on worknights (except sometimes Thursday) and my big problem is I can't stop once I start. I've never been able to with hindsight. I also am surrounded by heavy drinkers in my family and friendships (even workmates), but I think that is the norm, isn't it?

Looking forward to my skin improving, losing some weight and waking up with a clear head in the morning...

My family are also heavy drinkers, I guess it gets ingrained and come to think of it, most people I know are to some extent, but it is good that the lying upset you, that is a slippery slope.

Hope you're feeling better tomorrow. I've lost half a stone after giving up 4 weeks ago, less greasy skin, and sleeping loads better so it is worth the effort

Just take it one day at a time and good luck. If it all seems too much, come on here and have a moan, it's very therapeutic, ther's usually one of the Babes about to listen.

Hey MsSoul, welcome to the bus. Your drinking sounds exactly like mine was.
Lying, decieving, hiding empties.
The "fear", guilt ridden hungover mornings - with the promise to yourself that you will not drink that night - followed by buying wine before you go home.

I aslo loved [hmmm] the unexplained bruising from being pissed and bashing into things.
Not knowing how I got to bed, or what happended at the end of the night.

I have now been on the bus since 01 Oct last year, and have not had a drink since 24 November, with the help of the Brave Babes, my family and AA.

I love sleeping properly, have lost over a stone in weight, and my skin is the best it has ever been.

Has it been easy?? NO, has it been worth it - ABSOLUTELY.

Life is still shit at times, but so much easier to deal with, when I am not dealing with hangovers, and self loathing.

I am rediscovering the real Bafana, and she has been hibernating for a really really long time, but actually she is OK!

Settle in and pull up a pew, the BB's are truly a fantastic insprational lot!!

Mssoul, hi. Welcome to the bus. I am also have alcoholism in the family. My grandmother was an alcoholic, my mother is a heavy "social" drinker and regularly binges.
I want to sort myself out for my kids. They are only 4 and 2 and deserve a better mother than they've got.
Still feeling shakey and hungover so off to bed with a big glass of water and a Nytol.
Goodnight babes. Tomorrow will be better. Stay safe and sleep well.

night night luci sleep well - well done for today.

Night luci, sleep well brave babe.

Morning all,

Welcome MsSoul. I am certain today you will feel physically better. The trick is getting your head to not start lying to you and telling you that's a reason you could have another drink today.
I have been in AA but drinking for a couple of months. I am starting to get stuff now. But I still don't know anything better than one day at a time is the only way.
luci I too was worried about the 'God' stuff but they really do emphasise that all you need is a willingness to believe in something bigger than yourself. I'm so glad there is something bigger than me to help me because I have spent months now demonstrating how rubbish I am at doing it on my own. I hope you are feeling better in yourself today. I have a 4 year old and I really need to stop for her and have been failing to do that. I just long for the day I can look myself in the eye.

I'm rambling a bit much here. Mouse how was your weekend? Silver how are you doing - you seem to be doing your posting about events not you that you've said you do in the past if it's ok to say that? I just hope you are ok, as I feel we have both been travelling this journey together in our own way for some time now.
thurso how are you doing after your rollercoaster of a weekend.
And good morning to anyone I've missed, hope you have a peaceful, calm, sober day.

I slept a bit better, feel a bit better and am just going to keep it in the day.

Hi all! Haven't posted for ages but have been keeping up.

Luci, about AA you said 'I hate the thought of opening up to strangers in person' - as others have said, you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I didn't for ages. BUT what I would say is that when I finally did, it made a huge difference. Just talking about something that's been worrying you, kept bottled up and causing you worry - however small - and knowing that the people listening won't judge, is an incredibly freeing, and healing, thing to do.

Wow - I just wanted to quickly say thanks all for your messages and support. I feel a little overwhelmed actually after aqll heavy drinking is something to feel ashamed about, isn't it? Or at least, that is how we are made to feel. Lovely day today and I feel clear headed. Am at work but will post later

Morning all, have been drinking again, drank over the weekend and to excess on Sunday, going to take Noteven's advice and keep it in the day. Am not drinking today!

Good morning lovely ones,
Happy new February!

Work was a bit manic yesterday, so didn't have time to post.

I have been swimming this morning, for the first time in 6 weeks, and am determined to try and lose weight, get a bit fitter, etc, blah, blah .

I came to the conclusion last night that I am such a flipping weak person. I was really strong for 7 weeks, but January saw me getting back into the Friday night syndrome, and I hate it, and hate myself for it. It just seems so incredibly juvenile that I think that a few glasses of wine (and the rest) will make me young, carefree and funky again. I didn't even drink much when I was young, carefree and funky!!

I am a bit of a sad person in that I want everyone to like me, and pretty much morph into anything to that effect. I know that, but I also know that, bizarrely, no-one in RL would have any idea of that. Maybe DH, but certainly to colleagues, my parents, sister and friends, I am the strong, coping one.

However I am in a totally different (better) place than 3 monts ago.

I think we have a lot of stuff going on here at the moment, changes in family dynamics, DC2 going away this year, and I have had time to think about what I want from my relationship with DH, and what we want together, it was easier when I didn't!!!

Sorry for the me, me, me post, I've just come to the conclusion that I'm not very nice really, and needed to talk.

P.s haven't had a drink since Friday, so it's not even hangover talking, just me.

I hope you are all well, and having good days.
Is Red around?

Wow,
X posted with lots of people.
Morning

I can relate to you Thurso in that I am a people pleaser but starting to realise that the one person who I often don't please is me.

I have been drinking a bottle of wine the last few nights - just can't seen to shake the feeling of lonliness/fedupness. A bit annoyed with my 2 closest friends aswell, I am probably a bit too sensitive at the mo but I feel that they often put me down, I have found things a bit tough recently with divorce and XP being a twat difficult person but when I try and talk to them they just don't seem bothered and talk about how busy they are! Aren't we all.

Anyway enough wallowing from me. Hope the rest of you are OK

"May reservations around it are a) I hate the thought of opening up to strangers in person. I find it terrifying actually and b) the religious aspect. That said, I am considering it seriously for the first time."

a) so don't speak, just sit still and listen

b) I am an agnostic and have been throughout my time in AA

Any help?

"My partner says my drinking is not problem drinking, but I am sure it is" - unless your partner is a doctor, a psychiatrist or a 120-year-old stockbroker called Bill Wilson, I would be wondering what makes him an expert on the definition of problem drinking.

Don't you have to say some prayer at the start of each session? They talk about a "Higher Power", right?
Am considering AA seriously for the first time ever but am a bit sceptical about how sitting in a room with a group of people and listening to their stories can help.
I know I could lose everything if I don't get a handle my drink problem, my partner, my kids, my self-respect. I really do know how bad it can get.

"Am considering AA seriously for the first time ever but am a bit sceptical about how sitting in a room with a group of people and listening to their stories can help."

So what do you call this, then?

A Higher Power is an acknowledgement that you are not centre of the universe. If this is not an admission you can make, you are in such deep shit that your alcohol problem pales into insignificance.

If you CAN make this admission, then it is up to you to define what it is that is more powerful than you. For me, it varies - sometimes it is the power of the AA group (as I could never have stopped drinking unaided, but did so comparatively easily with their help, so they clearly have something I haven't got); sometimes it is my sub- or unconscious. It is NEVER a religious God for me, because I quite simply do not believe in such a thing. I accept I am in a minority in AA - many people choose to acknowledge the God of their childhood, for example, and Buddhism (not technically a religion) is also popular - but I have never found it an obstacle and no one has ever tried to convert me.

As for the prayer, it is of course up to you if you say it or not; and, if you do, then only you know what you are praying to. Or, if it rally bothers you, you could just drop the word "God" (like anyone else is going to give a fuck whether you say it or not) and make it an aspiration instead. It goes

God
Grant me the serentiy
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things i can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Like I say, take of the word "God" and then tell me, hand on heart, that you do not feel that that is a worthwhile goal in life.

Hello, may I join you? Mssoul's post could have been me talking. I relish the nights when DH is away and he cant see how much I have drunk. I regularly have a few before he gets in from work and then drink half a bottle so he thinks that is all I have had. I regularly drink so much (1.5 bottles wine) that I cant remember going to bed. I get argumentative and angry and I shout at my kids. I pretty much hate myself but every night I go back to it...I do not have a stop button. I hope with your support to be able to kick the drinking into touch. Life has been like this (apart from pregnancy) pretty much for 15 years. I am nearly 40 and dont want to still be this person at 40.

Hello All,
I'm new to this thread too. I'd love to be able to finally get past a dependence on alcohol that I have been battling with for 20 years. I can't believe how many people seem to be in the same boat as me - it is both heartening and heartbreaking - if you know what I mean! I'm doing OK and haven't been bad since I got pregnant with my DD (now nearly 2) but I was definitely slipping backend of last year!

Maybe I should give AA a try. Despite overwelming evidence to the contary, I am still labouring under the belief that deep down I'm not a real alcoholic. I just go a bit mad sometimes everytime I have a drink.
Welcome aboard to the new babes.