Hello - I am an avid reader of these forums and think the advice and discussions are fantastic. This is the first time I've posted as I would hugely appreciate some impartial/honest/blunt advice about a situation I can't tell anyone about in real life. I am braced for all responses.
I am in my mid-late 20s and engaged to a really lovely man. I have known him for four years and in that time he has been my best friend and constant support. When I met him I was in my early 20s and had already had several long-term relationships, some good, some appallingly bad/abusive. I've always been one to jump straight from one relationship into another - I've never been single. I was very vulnerable when I met my fiance - he was big, affectionate, reliable, kind, really looked after me.
However, I didn't fancy him and I felt we had no chemistry at all in bed etc. I never went through the butterflies in stomach, madly in love stage with him. But the combination of qualities I've described was very attractive to me and he pursued me so we ended up together.
I know it sounds weird that I continued with the relationship despite the spark not being there - but all I could think was where the spark (basically the lust/sex thing) had got me in the past (into crap relationships with horrible men and deluding myself that awful situations were fine). I actually felt more in control of this relationship because I wasn't so in love and was being more objective.
Over the years I have come to love my fiance more and more - he is wonderful and I've told myself that other people are too hung up on the spark and that I am sensible and lucky to be with such a nice man who will also make a brilliant dad.
But the spark is not there and as a result we have almost no sex life, much to his disappointment.
A couple of months ago, I met a friend of my brother's on a night out and there were mad sparks flying between us. And it wasn't just physical attraction but a feeling of utter connection. I went home feeling very unsettled by my feelings for this man. He befriended me on facebook and then started inviting me to the pub when he went with my brother. I enjoy socialising with my brother so was glad to be included. I genuinely couldn't go to the first couple of things he invited me to (was also a bit nervous of my own feelings), and then last week I made it down to the pub. My fiance came too and my fiance and this other man got on like a house on fire - they chatted all night and I was thrilled, as it took the focus off my silly feelings for this other guy and we all had a great night.
This man then organised another night out with the same people. Through no one's intention, it was a night that I was free but my fiance wasn't - in fact my fiance was out of town. At the end of the night this man couldn't get home. He was talking about getting a very expensive taxi so I said he was welcome to my sofabed. I don't think this was sensible but at the time it seemed to be. When we got back to my flat we ended up having a few more drinks and talking until the small hours about everything, just getting to know each other. We must have been quite drunk cos somehow we ended up acknowledging this amazing spark between us. At this point we both felt very out of control, that we'd crossed a line and that it was wrong for him to stay, so we hugged and then he got a (hideously expensive) taxi home.
What do you think I should do now? My wedding is arranged for this summer. Thanks for reading and sorry it's so long.