Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 12

[KateonMN]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Stay a while and tell your story and when you are ready we are sure you will make the move to being a Dumpling no more!

Hi Fairy - hope you are ok today, I know that is a silly thing to say because of course you are not ok, but I am thinking of you and that awful place you are in at the moment. I hope the AD's start to take the edge of the sadness and hurt soon.

thank you all so much for your kind words,i have had a terrible few dats really just wanted to lie down and die,ijust keep remebering you have all got through it but i feel so stupid because i still love him just wish i could turn that feeling off.Feel a tiny bit better today have been doing all the things i should,new haircut,keeping busy but its not working.

Fairy - I have found that it is only time, the wishing to fast forward etc, I wanted not to live as well (I hate to admit that), everyone has been so worried about me, but I am feeling a bit stronger day by day, I still drop back a few steps every now and again, mainly when I have contact with DH.

I still love my DH and think I always will, but they are not the people we thought they were and that hurts so badly that we could get it so wrong. But we have to think about what they have done to us. You are not stupid, and I wish I had that switch to turn off all the feelings and love, but in time those feelings will change, you may still love him in some way but it wont be so painful. Hope you have a good day.

Just signing in.

Fairy and Romney, I still have days when I feel really bleak, but they are getting fewer abnd shorter. And I no longer find myself thinking that I want to die. I didn't really believe it would get better, but it does. It's just slow, that's all.

Sending u hugs fairy,good u got a haircut,nice to treat urself,keep looking after urself ,one step at a time,there are no rights or wrongs in this journey just do what u feel is right for u x

Hope everyone is ok.
Fairy, you might think you aren't coping but I promise you that in 6 months time you will look back and think "I deserve an OBE for services to family life for the way I coped when he pissed off to chase a teenager". You ARE coping, you're doing it already and this is the worst bit. It WILL get better.
How are you Romney?

well i think maybe the AD are kicking in already,i still think about him all the time but its not with the same tear inducing depth,its a bit numbed and my heart definatly does not have that deep heavy feeling to it,hopefully this will continue and its not just a one off good day.I wish i had listened to you wise ladies and gone to the dr earlier.
Spoke to mil for the 1st time since the split and she informed me that H told her i had kicked him out,that is so untrue and obviously said so that him getting with his --child- women would not look so bad.
Hope everyone else is doing well,thanks for keeping me going.

Lying toad fairy,these guys stoop so low,is mil still involved with dcs glad u had a better day x

Fairy, it's that script again. It's part of rewriting history which is so essential to their emotional survival. If they can convince just one other person (and who better than mummy?) that they are even slightly innocent then they can start to justify their own behaviour. My xp is now saying we split because I asked him to leave. Well yes, I did acyually. But only because I found out he'd been shagging a (married) family friend for 2.5 years and involving our ds in his lies. But of course he never adds that bit.

So glad you are feeling just a tiny bit better, Fairy. This will be the making of you .

Stay strong coffee, sending you ((hugs))

Fairy glad you're feeling a tiny bit better. Wise words from the others x

U know urself coffee what u want from life.

Keep strong and focussed x

Awww honey, is your dad going with you again and sitting in the car?

You can do this hun, just focus on why you are doing this, big hugs and sending you strength, good luck

patience she does not see the kids on a regular basis but if we needed her to she would have them.She has not seen them since he left but she was actually very lovely saying she would have the kids when ever i needed ,so that was a relief.After i spoke to her i remembered that i had a phone full of texts that i have sent him asking why he left also my older dc were there at the time so know the truth,so i cant see his lie holding tight.
Am very nervous as tomorrow will be the 1st time i have seen him since he left we are meeting at a soft play so he can see dc,at the moment i feel quite strong about it as my feelings toward him at the moment are disgust and anger and i hope they are the same tomorrow.
Have had another ok day so hopefully this is the start of an upwards trend,started off with a parcel of lush goodies delivered this morning from my lovely friend

Ah that's so nice ,I got a text from an old dear friend that might be moving back to the area ,I really hope she does we used to have real fun.
If mil is cool and u don't find it upsetting I would involve her with dcs ,it will help u have some free time.mine didn't c dcs for a year ,they don't do kids .
Anyway stay strong tomorrow,and try not get drawn into any of his bullshit tough I know ,big hugs x

How ya doing coffee ?

its so quiet on this thread now? has everyone got themselves together and i am the only one wallowing in this shit?
Well H meeting with the kids did not go to great managed to hold it together for the 1st hour then as it was time to go i just couldnt help myself,asked him why he is telling people i kicked him out which is crap ,he starts saying how he is here to see the kids not talk to me ,i said well you have to talk to me at some point we have things to sort out he said he didnt.Then as he was kissing kids goodbye ,saying he loved them etc i just burst into tears and said no you just bloody love OW,am so disappointed with myself,cause he is right he is just there to see kids,i hate the fact i cried in front of him and looked like some sad desperate loon,after 2 good days i feel i am back to square 1 again.I just dont get how he can be happy about all this,being a part time dad,financially screwing me,but i guess he detached ages ago when he started shagging ow.Just so cold and heartless to me i cant believe he ever loved me.

Fairy it's horrible as you start to doubt the relationship you had with them. I know I have started to think maybe I am the only one who thought it was so good, but luckily all my friends that knew us remind me that it is him who has turned into a loon and not me! Fairy things will start to get better you have to just drag yourself through each day. It's so hard but I am feeling stronger, believe me I was the same as you and felt I was wallowing, you wallow if you want.

Your right about the thread being quiet, everyone seems to have vacated to the other dumpling one, but I don't qualify yet as I'm not strong enough, hopefully in time.

Fairy I could have written everything u wrote.my X did the same never discussed anything,and used the dcs as an excuse everytime,come over to the other thread if no one around,I'm an inbetweener. Not seen the good days for a while its just all part of being emotionally demolished.I think people join a thread because of the people on it and then if they all leave it then theres a chance there is no thread and I really needed this thread a year ago just my own opinion,but I'm not over my X ,would be great if I was but head like mince atm.I think one of the best bits of knowledge I learnt was don't expect reasonable behaviour from someone incapable of giving it.he has zoned out fairy ,he feels no shame,do u have to be at every
visit he has the kids .at this stage my X would arrive at house not speak to me I would go out then arrive back he said cheerio to dcs and left.no communication whatsoever.he wanted nothing to come between himself and the life he wanted.Do what u like when u like .
I raged and ranted.I just wanted answers .he never gave me any .so my job now is to put myself first ,look after the kids because their father can't.and organise my life the best way I can to survive this bloody nightmare and make it positive,work in progress fairy ,how's UR mum?

Hi - I haven't been on for ages - to be honest I am too in my head to offer much help - also I don;t have enough free time to catch up properly and comment on everyone's situ. I have been lurking and am going through many, many of the same things as all you lovely dumplings xx

Patience sorry to see you are going through a bad patch again, I was hoping that when I get a lot stronger that I could step off the rollercoaster and not ride it again! Just shows it does take a long time to recover. How long is it for you Patience?

Rom jump over to the other thread too ,I just sometimes need to type stuff out and have a sounding board,I think when it got busy everyone lost track of who was who,and there stories, I just see it as a meeting place I can chat to my friends.I agree the bad days are further apart but I have had the blackest days ever this week.totally surprised me .all part of the healing but totally unexpected.I think now I know to think this too shall pass and know it pushes me forwards but bloody hell dark thoughts.
how is baby fairy how r the feeds ?