Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 12

[KateonMN]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Stay a while and tell your story and when you are ready we are sure you will make the move to being a Dumpling no more!

Dev you will find ur way thru it and i can pretty much guarantee he will regret it although he may not tell u.I think people dont change that much IYSWIMPP ,they just get swept along with the excitement for a bit
I wrote to someone the other night and i thought easiest way to describe what happened is I have just been thru the most painful year and a half of my life trying to keep my kids lives stable through it all,he did it pissed ,probably stoned and in bed with a 21yo.Not exactly RL is it ?

Hi everyone. H came this afternoon - shouted at me for nearly 2 hours. Tea I know after all this time I should be able to stand up against him but having got together with OM just months after H walked out, OM gave me the strength to stand up against H & protect DCs sortof until H filed for divorce after 2 years separation. Joined the thread because OM dumped me 4 months ago. He'd had enough after 2 years of hastle and trauma with H but v hard for me. Without him H has upped his bullying massively since Christmas - would hardly speak to me after he walked out & sometimes hardly to DCs (months before OM). A year ago I'd happily have joined the other thread but now it just seems like a million miles away. To lose 1 man is misfortune, to lose 2 says there's something wrong with me as well as them...

Mymble all it says is ur XH is a bullying abusive twat ,nothing about u at all and unfortunately ur NM got caught up amongst it.I think T meant post on the other thread for divorceadvice as others are going thru it but I understand emotionally its the loss of NM that brings u here.
First thing is you need boundaries ,HE CANT COME INTO UR HOUSE AND SHOUT AT YOU ANYMORE !!!!!!
If he shouts he has crossed THE ABUSIVE BASTARD LINE and you ask him to leave.
He wont like this ,he will hate it ,TOUGH!
As long as you are safe this is the first boundary in place.
If he threatens you with violence YOU CALL THE POLICE.
You are going to assert yourself now ,he cant bully you anymore.
You will get this divorce sorted and he can PISS OFF !!!!

He has made me really cross ,shouting at you ,what an underdeveloped JERK!

Thank you so much Patience. H would have loved it if I had asked him to leave. This is a man who for 5 months after he walked out on me, DCs & job didn't tell us which city he was living in or where or if he was working. Then only spoke to me 5 times in 2 years (twice threateningly). I did say would call police on H last month when he threatened me outside our house but he said he would tell them he had to attack me because I got in his car (DD had friends in house & drive & I didn't want more of a scene). Wasn't in any danger since neighbour reloaded his recycling 4 times because he was so worried & am sure the huge year 11s would have stepped in anyway to stop it. Felt today I had to talk to him about his involvement with DDs schooling over the past 6 weeks which is making her so stressed but also happy that her dad cares after so long. I just thought it was an advance in that that he would actually speak to me also because he is saying he will go to court over finances & I have no money left for lawyers. Talked to OM this afternoon. - is virtual recluse now, just going to work & watching TV. Have messed us all up.

Mymble I've posted my reply on the new thread as mumfun has posted some great stuff on there and the ladies are drifting across. Sorry I think I've thoroughly confused things by starting a new thread before the old one was full now

Hi Dorset - found you on here

We'll have to swap notes on the mowing of lawns. I managed mine last weekend (just as well cos it's raining here today). First time I had to do mine last year (and it was the first ever time since (D)H would never let me near his precious grass), I was scared sick, but my big brother came over, introduced the technicalities of the lawnmower to me, did the first up and down and off I went.

Now it's not my favourite chore (I lump it in with the ironing, yeuk), but there is a huge sense of satisfaction when it's done!!

Of course I did ask the solicitor in front of DH how come he's entitled to half of everything yet does nothing around the house/maintain the property now he's pissed off. In the eyes of the law, because he's living elsewhere, he is not legally obliged to either do anything or pay towards anything since he will be maintaining the property where he lives (sneakily with his latest girlfriend now). However, a year down the line I don't want him anywhere near my house, that's a good feeling.

But there he still is, expecting 50% of the proceeds of the sale of the house. Not really fair, is it - but then over the last 18 months I've learnt there's a lot of unfairness around when you're the 'innocent' party.

Life sucks - but we crack on with our new ones undaunted and enjoy what we have and what we're building :)

Cheers my dears

All this mowing the lawn talk is making me smile

Lifemoveson I was never allowed near his precious lawn either and gradually absorbed the opinion I couldnt possibly cut the grass. Then a few months after he left and our lawn was desperate to be mown he said to me " Whats the big deal you just walk up and down with the mower" which was priceless and a perfect example of his complete change of heart to suit his own needs which appiled to all sorts of other things too.

I move in 3 weeks to somewhere with a tiny lawn and I am taking the electric mower ( he can have the petrol 10 ton mower )and will relish cutting it any old way without some arse commenting.

We're on a new thread now here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1181066-Support-thread-for-the-recently-ditched-No-13