Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 12

[KateonMN]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Stay a while and tell your story and when you are ready we are sure you will make the move to being a Dumpling no more!

pmsl, have been checking no 11 all day looking for people and i find you have a new thread, will have a read soon and be back to post TC xx

Fairy - LC is right I have felt this dark cloud over my head following me around and had some very dark thoughts, its such an awful time, and I am feeling a little stronger and know that at some stage all this will pass.

It really is the old adage of taking one day at a time, and I am living by that.

We will get there Fairy, LC knows that too. Its just such a difficult period in our lives. I have been here before, my exH left me for a friend, and I know I came through that, but this time has been so much worse as I loved my DH so much. But I will get there and you will too!

Hi everyone - marking my place on new thread. Just about to start school work if kids would just go to bed. Nightmare!

Hi all, Im still hers, like goo im planning for Mondays lessons grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... Well joint account now closed and I gave hb an ultimatum, he has until the 25th Jan to make his mind up, I am filing for divorce on the 26th. I am taking control and it feels good.

Hi 5 to crazee

Taking control feels goooood...I have found finally being in control of my finances pretty empowering (tho' am significantly worse off than I was, but at least it's mine to spend).

Hi Tea - party was great, thanks. They had huge amounts of fun
, but I am shattered. Really hard work, but they were all incredibly sweet and very excited. I was dreading not having my ex there but frankly he was a waste of space at those things anyway...

Thanks for your comments about the early days, but I'm five months down the line now - surely sooner or later this has to stop being the only thing I can think about? I'm getting better at not talking about it all the time but am still slightly stuck mentally. I'm seeing my counsellor on Monday, and am keen to know what she thinks about timescales, but would also like to know what stage everyone else is at...

Long, wish your DD happy birthday,it's my DD's 1st b,day today (sun) and DS1's 8th birthday tomorrow (mon)

Coffee, welcome to the thread and ((((HUGS))))

Fairy, i too had dark thoughts in the early days and felt i couldnt cope and thought about giving DC to X, it is a very scary thought raising 4 DC on our own and with all the crap he was giving me and the things he was telling me and the DC playing up cause it was the summer holidays and they were bored and upset cause daddy had left and wasnt coming round i just had no space in my head to deal with it all and i almost cracked, staring over a bridge at a river, i reached bottom, then i thought about the fact that he wouldnt look after them anyway and why the hell would i do that over him, if he didnt love me then i would have to handle that and i had already pretty much been coping with the DC on my own anyway and i walked away and went to a friends, where X rang me constantly cause id walked out and left him with DC and i sat and cried in front of my friend something she had rarely seen in the 12 years we'd known each other and i realised i had to fight back
I am a very proud, strong person, i dont like to show weakness but since X left everyone of my true friends have seen me cry and have listened to me rant (no one looks after DC for me mind but hey ho) and it was just after that i found this thread and it has been a wonderful support and i have poured out so much here that i have slowly climbed back out of the pit and you will too, keep posting, anything you want and we will be here for

and that goes for everyone we will see each other through this xx

Longdarktunnel, I think the feelings vary depending on how long you've been together, how they now treat you and the children, how things are for you with the children, how much sleep you're getting, how tight things are financially etc etc. All the possible stress factors (there's plenty more). You're also probably not getting much time to process everything that has happened as you're busy with the children too. I only began to feel a lot better after I began ADs.

I'd forgotten how long you'd been separated, too many people on the thread now and my brain gets confused

Happy birthday to your DD and Sov's

Morning - trying not to think about them walking up in my bed, and my girls going and sitting on the bed with them

euggh, he introduced her to him and she's sleeping in my bed the same night,he really is a prize dickwad

waking! not walking

Kate the feelings of rage if I was in your shoes would be enormous. Sending you serenity vibes. He's a fool.

I am cross about it - but my friends aid last night...the speed and actions of both just seem a bit frenetic...it'll burn itself out very quickly

I bloody hope so

oh kate what you are going through is what I have been fearing for some time. Yes what a fool - seemingly very insensitive to how this may be affecting anyone else (ok I think we have to let go any expectation of them caring about how we feel) but not consideration to how your girls may feel either. Doing both (introducing them and then her staying over) in one day and also so quickly after your break up is crap isn't it? It must be really hard for you. 1 silver lining - I'm not sure there's anything worse he could do now is there ? You've been through the really horrible difficult things attached to all of this and survived (if ever there was a survivor its you) and, as you have said before - he is proving time and time again what a twat he is - not worthy of you at all.

craze-i hadnt even started to think about divorce,i really need to get the strength to see a solicitor,maybe that might give me a bit of power back.
How long did everyone else wait before applying for divorce?i had thought would leave seeing solicitor for a bit,let the dust settle so 1 i am not an unreasonable loon and hopefully he will stop smoking pot so he can get on and have regular contact that we can sort out by our self although i really cant see with his working hours how he will fit in seeing them .
longdarkwell done with the party,very brave,am sure it made you feel better seeing them happy little faces having fun.
teai think i agree with you that if your xh gf was living closer i doubt it would be working.
Everyone keeps saying it wont work with H and ow but i think everyone on heres xp still seems to be with there ow.I should not care but i swing from thinking yes it would be good if they last then all of this would have been for something to wanting them to fail so he looks like the middle aged twat having a mid life crisis that he is.
The good thing is dd went from 8pm till 6.30 am with out any feeds,which is a miracle ,she spent most of night in bed and bit of crying but it makes me feel better about taking the AD knowing the is taking less milk.I did not like the way the AD made me feel yesterday but i will keep going,i felt a bit detached/out of it.

longdark it was all I thought about for a long long time but what changes is the content of the thoughts and gradually they become more positive and the thinking guides you into being happy , well it did me because my marriage wasnt happy in the last years. Also the factors Tea mentions.

Kate I posted just now on the other thread but reading your posts on here and thinking a bit more I mean what will your girls think that someone they met yesterday is sitting in the bed in your place. I can only assume they got up and dressed early so that didnt happen. Actually I think your friend is right going at that breakneck speed with it all is odd unless your xh is just a bit thick ?

CV funnily enough thats still something I grapple with letting go of the expectation that they will care about how we feel.

Fairy I had to be dragged by my Dad to the solicitors 3 months after he left and that was just to see where I stood not to take any action. You always see people say on MN get to the solicitor etc straight away but I was in no shape to do so and found it really painful. Everyones situation varies though.

getting I think we've estabilished that neither of them care about what the girls think...they spent yesterday at her house,she bought them presents and was there when I rang last night

I am predicting a marriage proposal next

Kate hes such a

He has basically replaced me in my own house...it wouldn't be so bad if it was in his own place....but, yeah, she is in my bed, drinking out of my cups....

not going to fret - there is nothing I can do...and the worse thing for me would be for them to think I am bothered

Fairy - my solicitor said not to begin the divorce until I felt strong. However I left it a long time as I kept thinking we'd work things out as I was in limbo for a while. The AD's did make me feel odd for a short while but it wasn't too long until I felt better. Your DD did so well last night. Well done and finding the strength to help her settle without lots of feeds at night. I struggled to motivate myself at all to do anything meaningful in the early days, let alone cook a good meal for the kids instead of fish fingers

Kate he's an insensitive, ignorant

oh kate sorry i have not got any wise words,stay strong

Kate, what sort of woman would actually want to sleep in another woman's bed? Really, it speaks volumes about her, doesn't it? I hope she bought new bedlinen at the very least.

Fairy, so pleased about the bf. Persevere with the meds. It can take a couple of weeks for things to improve and stabilise.

XP is collecting ds today and I am spending the day with the older 2. Looking forward to it . Hope it's a good dumpling day for everyone.

Kate, she sounds as vile as your ex.

lc that's what I thought! But, and I am clutching at straws...I am literally a few doors down the road...wonder if she see's that a threat? And she's marking her teritory..in my house, with my ex and now with my kids.

Funnily enough - the pair of them are behaving so awfully - its sort of washing over me. Good thing is, when my girls are back...I won't have to see him until wed night :)