Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 12

[KateonMN]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Stay a while and tell your story and when you are ready we are sure you will make the move to being a Dumpling no more!

Sitting @ home not knowing if H will agree to come in on fortnightly visit to talk about where I & the kids live, getting rid of the tenants before either selling the rental property or us moving in and DD's VI form schooling. He withdrew her application from one school without discussion and has now applied for her to go to a private one - when he can only give us £450 a month after joint mortgage (council tax £200 & only get CTC). He txted DD last week that he wanted to come today not yesterday (his usual fortnightly day) then turned up an hour ago demanding to see youngerst DS who always does outward bound all sunday (from 0850 - how I missed that hour this morning). Don't know if he'll come back or not and if he does will he just shout and threaten? I just don't know how someone can just walk out on their family because they don't like living there (no-one else involved then on either side I believe) and still control so many aspects of our lives 3 years later without even speaking to us.

Hugs MM,sending you serenity if he does come in for a talk ,back later,away to 2nd birthday party of the weekend .Woo Hoo

Am having v extreme physical reaction to all of this. In pain constantly, mostly back and legs, and it's much worse when I'm about to see H or he is near me. Once when he sat on the same sofa I thought I was going to be sick, guess I felt a bit like I was falling, tried to 'breathe through it'. After that time, and after last night when he stayed to put the kids to bed, I had to spend ages in the bathroom on the toilet (sorry tmi).

Is this PTSD? Did you have anything similar and what did you do? Does it fade, or should I go to the drs? Had similar pain when I first found out back in November, but the reaction to HIM is new.

I am certainly nauseus almost sick. It is actually very like morning sickness IME. Doesn't help that I have only eaten a sausage sandwich and packet or haribo's in teh last 2 days :( But no pain.

Different people react to stress in different ways so could be related. Of course go to see GP if you are concerned.

Sufficient..I have felt "unwell" too..and feel panicky,anxious and nauseas if I think og H or have to communicate with him

Thank you spook and ML. How long has it been going on for for you? Google tells me GPs will say 'watch and wait' unless it's been over a month.

For me it started when he told me he didnt love me..that was 6 months ago..then has continued but probably not as severe..I think it is very much anxiety related and probably normal but I must admit I hadnt seen a GP about it

For me it went on for a week-10 days initially and then got better until he started messing em about a couple of weeks ago with moving dates.

Now he has gone (as of today; to a hotel) so I expect things to start easing again.

Previously I went to GP after a couple of weeks and he prescribed ADs because was all part of a package of stress symptoms. I certainly didn' have to wait a month.

I think its all the adrenaline x

It probably is stress and anxiety related. A lot of the original ladies from this thread including me ate very little in the early days as we just couldn't stomach more. I'm now on AD's and it has made a huge difference to feeling calmer and having an appetite. ((hugs)) lovely ladies, I think in an ideal situation if they can see the children elsewhere it helps a little.

Mymymble - I'm just flying by really but it sounds like it's been a long time since you separated, so you may find the Dumpling no more thread a helpful place to post as we all still struggle with our Ex's but the issues have moved on a little. It certainly doesn't sound right that he has so much control this far on in your separation, which is why I think perhaps you should post on the other thread about this.

I must dash as the children are fighting next door I'll be back later.

I think I will visit my GP and sort this out

I think I will visit my GP and sort this out

Well I think I have finally managed to get rid.

He has gone to a hotel, and I have his keys. He needs to collect his stuff to move but it is all in teh garage and he has a key to teh garage so needn't bother me.

I think we have an understanding over the boundaries wrt to him seeing the DCs and OW at the same time (i.e. not) but I am not holding my breath.

Have seen the 3some thing in a new light over the last couple of days. Part of that originated in OW spreading "rumours" that there was no affair, and that OWDH had seen all his texts etc. which is where (in part) bystanders decided that if he knew everything then he must be in on it. Having given this some thought and chatted it through with a friend I think it is more likely that OW was denying an affair and bigging up the story that it was all in XPs head and nothing on her part, and trying to make sure that the public believed that her DH knew everything and therefore had nothing to say to him.

Lots of tears her tonight, both when he dropped them back (from grandma's) to go to hotel and at bedtime. But they seem to be starting to settle.

I guess I don't have to add him to my census after all.

So sorry about the DCs being upset though, that is always gut wrenching They do start to settle with consistent, regular contact times, it just takes a while x

Thanks for the dance Tea, 5 weeks didn't feel like long 5 weeks ago but it feels like it has been a lifetime (well it did become 6 in the end).

I feel awful. I know that none of this is my fault...but I didn't actually want this to happen and therefore it feels difficult to support DCs cos it isn't my "choice" IYSWIM.

I just need to get through the next week (which has lots of assessments and exams) and then I have 4 weeks off. I have quite abit of work to do but I should be able to spend plenty of time sorting the house cos I have struggled with motivation to get out of bed let along do the housework. Whilst I am off I will be doing lots with DCs and then we can try and establish a proper routine after easter.

Lol at census spook, well done u.Wishing u peace in ur head and ur home x

I don't think I coped well at all when my marriage broke down, I was constantly getting too shouty with my toddlers if they misbehaved, couldn't be bothered to even get out of the house, let alone dressed and household chores virtually ground to a halt. Trying to "win" my ExH back consumed me for 5 months of separation. It was a horrid time and whenever the children were missing him I was filled with rage inside at what he had done, leaving me with 2 small children to cope without him. DD used to cry "daddy gone, daddy lost" it was hideous.

However I think living with him for 5 weeks like you, would have been even harder, so I'm glad you've got some space. I spent vast amounts of time on mumsnet once the children were in bed, somehow helping others in my pain gave me a sense of purpose. But we all have different coping strategies.

I didn't really have a consensus on a new thread, however I've taken the executive decision of beginning a new one here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1181066-Support-thread-for-the-recently-ditched-No-13

Things have moved on since the original threads began, so I admit I've jigged the wording a bit. However next time someone else can have a go at wording etc if they like. As I'm not sure I did the best job.

Hope that's ok ladies?

oh dear tea reading about your 5 months of trying to win H back,i can so see thats where i am,know its a waste of time but still cant cut ties.Had a chat today and after listening to him chucking me tiny crumbs of hope and spouting pity for himself i thought of what patience said and i said "so its like your stringing me along incase ow dont work out" of course he denied it but at least he knows i am not totally blinded by his love and am begining to see him for what he is/has done.

Spook..Im releived for you that H has finally gone..you will have some breathing space now and in a strange way will feel that you can actually start to move forward. For me while H was still here..I felt trapped in some kind of purgatory tbh and Im glad he isnt here messing with my head and offering me false hope

Xp spook ,take one day at a time you will get there x

Hi Fairy ,my X is only just realising what has happened after a year and a half.he shouted at me down the phone today .I texted him we didnt choose any of this you chose to walk out and sleep with some girl.
He phoned and apologised.
Just keep ur eyes open fairy,how's ur mum ?

Sorry that some people are having a bad time - i know how that feels most of the time i feel much better then something comes up and bites me on the bottom. But i think that i am feeling better and that the bad moments are getting less and less.

I am really proud of myself because the new lawn mower arrived yeaterday and we have big garden and the lawns were looking like they needed a good cut and i have done them this weekend and boy do i feel good about it !

Unfortunately it does remind me of the last time that i was in this position - split up with long time boyfriend -6 years and met DH ( on holiday) and he came in and mowed the lawn and got all the neighbours talking - but at least it shows that i can manage on my own.

There are benefits with having a big garden - lots of room for you lovely mums netters when you come and stay - Patience, Fairy , Tea and anyone else - for the kids to run about. Watched a film with DD tonight - the Proposal whcih i enjoyed but cried for the last third because it touched a chord - but most of the time i feel much happier now. Saw H today because he picked up DD this am - he really doesnt look happy - but then again what would he look like in front of me?

i really want him to regret what he has done and also to not have to let DD have anything to do with the tart, slapper OW and i want to be happy with again. Is that too much to ask? Love Dorset

Slightly - i am sure that things will improve now he has gone from the home as well. Keep your chin up

It's not too much to ask Dorset, although there's no guarantee he'll ever regret it. Hi 5 on doing the lawn! That's serious dumpling go get 'em attitude! Love it.

You can post on this thread until it reaches about 1,000 I just cannot access it on my phone anymore as it's so big and crashes when I try to access it However I am one person and if lots of you are happy on here until it's full, carry on The important thing is you're all getting the support you need here x