Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 12

[KateonMN]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Stay a while and tell your story and when you are ready we are sure you will make the move to being a Dumpling no more!

First real signs something was wrong early Nov 2009
He was backwards and forwards for 2 mths,finally left boxing day ,so we have been seperated over a year.he wanted to come back but he is a complete narc.he wants his family life but also wants a single life at the pub.he says he no longer live with me I am so unreasonable ,but anyone that neglects his family like he did ,then comes home and drinks til drunk ever night and lies and lies to keep it all going is pretty hard work to live with.we were together 16 yrs .I still love him.he never went to the pub b4 we had kids.

Ps bad days I had were I think me losing my anger,I was so so angry he just left instead of addressing his problems.I will never really comprehend a daddy walking out on a 3 and 4 yo.but too much like hard work for my X .

ah thanks for asking patience,got to go hospital with mum monday for results of her latest scan as they think the cancer might of spread because of the symptoms she has had.She was diagnosed christmas 2009,which ruint that xmas ,then was supposed to have making up for it this year but H was a complete moody arse then left 3 days after xmas.She has had a tumour removed from her intestine but it had already spread to lymph nodes and liver when diagnosed.Its another reason to hate him as my mum should not be having to worry about me and also when she has gone i will be very alone and was relying on him to get me through it.
Have been managing to not feed dc through the night ,which is a miracle and have also been getting her to bed earlier and to stay in her cot longer,so thats a good point.
Not really arranged any regular contact for him yet as its going to need to be supervised till he can prove he is not getting stoned all the time and is capable of looking after them properly.Ihonestly think some of these men are having mid life crisis,like your X patience wanting the single life acting like a student getting pissed every night .

Yep that's why I couldn't switch off my feelings ,it was like he had just flipped out fairy.I didn't really notice the pub thing til youngest was 2yo it just sort off crept up.its the fact that when I pointed out to him how he was drinking too much ,over the limit coming home.tired/ drunk/stoned all the time we saw him ,he just would said he was entitled.he wasn't going to sort it for me and the kids,he still doesn't see he did anything wrong.he just says he couldn't live with me anymore.he disconnected from his family starts acting like a single bloke,fighting with me if I question him ,then sits and drinks in his shed all night.
Thing is he was life and soul of the party at the pub I couldn't compete with that.I had become the babysitter,I didn't even see it coming 2009 it all went mental and my best friend and husband left.

Have u got good support (a macmillan nurse .)

It will all be very similar behaviour to all the Xs on this thread so never feel alone.Hope Monday is good,I guess u want to detatch from X and spend good times with UR mum but easier said than done.big hugs u will get thru it ,its a bumpy road to start with but it does smooth out

Have been reading everything the last few days but havent posted as no one to reply to iyswim, goat use this thread to vent it out, dont worry about commenting on other peoples situ, the thread is here for you to just let it all out

Fairy, i used to be like that everytime i saw my X in the beginning, everytime he left after a visit i'd be sat crying my eyes out for hours at a time, it's natural and i too wondered if he had ever really loved me during our entire relationship or if it was just convenient for him as he had no where else to go and was too stoned to be arsed, it's is all natural and will pass, you just have to get through it

soverign-yes i too wonder if i was just a conveniant place for him to lodge.
Am preparing things for my ds birthday tomorrow which makes me feel sad that he is not going to be there to share that with us but i made the choice for him to see ds today as i did not want him around tomorrow upsetting me and dc,selfish maybe but all i have had is an upset ds asking for his dad since the visit this morning and i didnt want that going on tomorrow.
I did really want to be strong today ,he did look shocked when i burst into tears but i dont think he gave a shit i just wanted him to know that everything was not okay.
Yes got agree with sov just rant dont worry about replying,i sometimes feel guilty for ranting away but then i think it may help people lurking to know they are not the only ones going through this crap.

through out the entire relationship i wondered about it, not just since he left, i always said he would leave as i was his 1st proper girlfriend(he was only 18) and i'd had a lifetime under my belt by the time we met even though i was only 19 myself, i just figured he would eventually want to go sow his seed so to speak and i was right, unfortunately
Hope your DS has a good birthday tomorrow and the asking for them thing dies down eventually, DS1 actually complains most of the time when i tell him daddys coming and DS2&DS3 are excited at 1st then after an hour get bored of him and go off to play on their own, the only one he gets attention off really is DD and thats cause she's only 1 and wants to be held all the time, they used to ask for him constantly in the beginning but 6 months down the line they are used to it and dont bother now
When i first found this thread i was in a state and didnt see how i would ever get through this and now i am actually quite happy and looking back wonder why i put up with him for so long and as for the canabis smell, i am so glad i dont have to suffer that anymore, once DC were in bed he used to have a few joints in doors and it stank also through every pregnancy it would give me heartburn and he still used to do it, so glad that it's gone now

I know you probably cant see the light at the end of this very long tunnel but it is there and eventually you will find it, do whatever you need to do to get through this even if that means crying in front of him, god knows i've done it enough times, it's a hard slog but you'll come out stronger for it

Fairy well done for putting yourself first re access.I did this at Xmas just said X wasnt coming over Xmas morning for ten minutes ,would have upset the kids as he hadn't seen them for a month.I said Xmas eve boxing day or after 4pm on Xmas day,he decided to swap presents on Jan 2nd.

Hope ur Ds is having a fab birthday fairy,big hugs to u!

I am newly be-chucked, i sometimes feel like waving my bra from the roof tops shouting "yippe im free" but other days feel like wallowing in my own self-pity

Welcome to the thread Willysmum, you can post what you like and we'll support you as best we can, sorry you've found yourself in this situation, what's your circumstances?

Waves to WM,hope ur cool ,keep waving that bra

patience-thanks he had a great day.Me on the other hand could not stop myself from sending spiteful/desperate texts to H even though he has made it quite clear there is no way he wants me back,i just cant seem to process this message.I hate myself for still loving him.I cant believe that this is my life now,that today was the 1st of many birthdays my ds will spend with out his dad.Feel so sad,the thought of my life being like this is almost too much to take,i am feeling quite desperate tonight,must get kids to bed so i can get to bed and cry into my bed just like every night.

patience-thanks he had a great day.Me on the other hand could not stop myself from sending spiteful/desperate texts to H even though he has made it quite clear there is no way he wants me back,i just cant seem to process this message.I hate myself for still loving him.I cant believe that this is my life now,that today was the 1st of many birthdays my ds will spend with out his dad.Feel so sad,the thought of my life being like this is almost too much to take,i am feeling quite desperate tonight,must get kids to bed so i can get to bed and cry into my bed just like every night.

patience-thanks he had a great day.Me on the other hand could not stop myself from sending spiteful/desperate texts to H even though he has made it quite clear there is no way he wants me back,i just cant seem to process this message.I hate myself for still loving him.I cant believe that this is my life now,that today was the 1st of many birthdays my ds will spend with out his dad.Feel so sad,the thought of my life being like this is almost too much to take,i am feeling quite desperate tonight,must get kids to bed so i can get to bed and cry into my bed just like every night.

ah stop reposting !!!

Hi all - I'm around but lurking at the mo - just feel a bit exhausted all the time and by the time I've read the thread am too tired to post. Just wanted to give everyone a wave. Hello WM and welcome.

I'm generally ok and not having too many big dips but it's all coming out in general fatigue and still not being able to think about anything else from dawn til dusk.

Had an odd episode with XH the other eve when I got back from evening out with lovely Goat (waves). XH and I talked about what he'd been watching when he'd been babysitting but he then got a bit shirty with me about the fact that I looked at him strangely (or something twattish ) then he started talking about his X. When I pointed out that, as he'd left me 9 fucking weeks ago I wasn't really interested in his navel gazing he flew into rage and stormed up to the loo saying he was leavingRIGHT NOW! But by the time he came down he had burst into tears and was saying 'what have I done?'. He then ran away.

But I didn't feel anything apart from a real need to just laugh. Not coldly but I found I didn't really care. Is that progress?
(The next time I saw him though it was a cheery 'hello' so the guilt was short-lived!)

Hi all - I'm around but lurking at the mo - just feel a bit exhausted all the time and by the time I've read the thread am too tired to post. Just wanted to give everyone a wave.

I could almost borrow your first paragraph Makedo as I'm lurking but cannot summon up the energy to post properely. Shattered here.

You're sounding seriously detached. Very impressive indeed Makedo.

I'm feeling very low here today, lonely, isolated and tearful. Also do not feel I'm quite being patient enough with the children and I am expecting too much of them as toddlers quite frankly and getting cross too quickly. Hoping tomorrow will be a better day here. Off to bed x

Fairy - happy birthday to your DS, I really hope you're ok and not crying into your pillow now my lovely, like your last post said. Wish I could give you a real life hug. Things will get better and one day you'll be glad you're not together, maybe not tomorrow or the day after but one day my lovely.

I am online all the time but I'm not being disciplined enough to post properely but if no one seems about and you want someone to talk to, private message me and I'll respond asap in the day x

They are such twats make do aren't they,I had it too then we would get back together then he would get bored again and drink to much miss his arsehole pals and blame me for everything again.UR right it is exhausting.fairy I did the same for about 8 weeks ,then only at times of stress,just the rage of injustice ,when u do this he won't ever give u the reaction u want and u feel like shit ,text someone else if u can or hide UR phone.only detatchment will bring u peace just now only saying that because I was a bit of a voicemail screamer,I would calmly phone him but by the time the message got read out I would scream abuse down the phone ,oops that will be the rage of injustice again.

HI Fairy, Makedo, Tea .... and everyone else. Just checking in.

Fairy - I am sorry today has been so hard. I still have that sense of hating what my life looks like now. But it won't always feel like this, it really won't. My sad days are still there, but they are getting fewer.

And like Tea and Makedo, I am v tired. Can't hekp thinking that January brings out the exhaustion in us all. I hope we'll all feel better once the sun comes out.

And hi Patience, cross posted!

It's good to chill tea I think January is always a long month.

Crying is healing though fairy I cried an ocean,we all have -let it all out,I remember uncontrollable wailing one night ,and kids just played around me .

Waves to fp , yep warm weather will be great !