Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 12

[KateonMN]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Stay a while and tell your story and when you are ready we are sure you will make the move to being a Dumpling no more!

Just had a nosey of your profile memory you're one gorgeous lady! Absolutely love your thread too and positivity in it Mumsnet can be a great place at times, the women on your thread are so supportive.

Please can I join too? H walked out 3 years ago and we are now going through horrible divorce after 2yr wait. got together with long term friend a few months later & he dumped me 4 months back when H tried to get court to take his earnings into account (he was then earning £11k & living 50 miles away). I know this is a much longer time scale than most of you but I still feel recently dumped by both men & neighbour going on long cruise has made me realise how isolated I really am - she was great though happily 2nd married. Have posted on legal divorce thread but v new 2 mumsnet. Awake due to horrible divorce letters coming through last night & sad DS asleep in my bed. Have 3 - all teenagers & lost job too. Wah! Sound like posting friend from hell but have lurked for a week & really need & like you guys.

Mymymble I have seen you on divorce thread and what you are going through sounds awful although I am not sure I fully understand your situation. I am just starting an dont show my feelings amicable divorce and that feels rubbish so I sympathise. Why are things unpleasant between you ? So sorry you have job loss to deal with on top of that

Morning everyone.

AH rang yesterday to tell me he is sorting his life out and wants to start haivng the kids every other weekend and until then he come and take them out for an hour every Saturday, he also tells me magical stories of maintinence.
I hope it happens, I would like the kids to have a relationship and the 'time off' could allow me to not go crazy.

Im going to a charity ball on Saturday, I feel like Cinders, I wonder if prince charming will be there?

Thats great bumsquash although I cant say I am bowled over by an hour on a saturday...

I love my dc free time , someone referred to it as time to refresh yourself which it certainly is !

MM welcome aboard I hope u find it a safe place for support.I am about a yr and a half after intitial bomb shell and paperwork has gone to sols this week.hoping for a quick divorce .when this is settled it will bring u calmness.Does ur NM keep in touch or is it over.What does ur sol say about other mans earnings,I don't understand that this means ur X pays less maintenance.
Anyway write as much or as little as u like and jump over to the other thread too ,more folk doing divorce there,sending u a big hug from Scotland x

TBS ball sounds fab ,quality social life is a must x

I am just posting to put this back into my active convos.

I have had a hideous few days, very much a roller coaster....despite expecting to get his keys on teh 21st he still hasn't gone. I have loads to rant about...but no time right now cos it has just hit me that I have 2 assessments to hand in next week and an exam to revise for that has been on the back burner with all this crap. I will come back and catch up and post more later when I need a break....but right now I have no choice but to study.

Spook much respect to ur self discipline at this time.
Rom just noticed the kids have put a set of brushing boots on the legs of my settee.

Yeah well I have just found out there will be no keys until Next Tues (which happens to be the day of one of my exams) so I am fuming AGAIN

I am have hit the floor AGAIN

He has been taking the piss for the last 18 months and still hasn't bloody stopped

Yeah well I have just found out there will be no keys until Next Tues (which happens to be the day of one of my exams) so I am fuming AGAIN

I am have hit the floor AGAIN

He has been taking the piss for the last 18 months and still hasn't bloody stopped

Thanks everyone for the lovely welcome.

I could link a few threads actually..I used to post as Space cadet and 6 years H nearly left to die from Pnuemonia..things went wrong from there.

Will find all relevant threads and link

I have been dying inside for months and if Im honest..I feel a sense of relief now he is gone..IM heartbroken..but I accept that he is not the man I married

And from me too. :)

Oh ML i was sooooo heartbroken ,but like u I knew that I would never feel truly loved by this man,I have learned so much about myself and the kids and me will have a happier life now x

Spook sorry he is being such an arse.April will be so much calmer for you without his lies and manipulation x

Waves to MM meant to say dont worry about the timescale thing ,a year and a half has gone by in a flash for me I think when someone breaks ur trust so badly ,there is a lot of repair work to do and u cant put a timescale on that ,especially if divorce isnt finalised.

How is everyone, it's very quiet on here today

Morning everyone..another lovely day. The sunshine certainly helps with the feel good factor

I bought a jogger pushchair from ebay and started walking with DD yesterday..Ive got 16 years of comfort weight to get rid of!

yes memory i agree the sun makes you feel much better,i have also been taking dd out for long walks in the buggy,think the better i feel about myself the stronger i will get.
No real news from me still in limbo land but feel stronger by the day.

Well hideous couple of days here again.

Heard new rumours yesterday that maybe XP is having a 3 way affair (i.e threesome) with OW and OWDH! .

Not sure I believe it totally, but observation fits the possibility that he may be being groomed by OW for a threesome (or maybe a foursome wih me ) but not necessarily got there yet. If so he is may get seriously hurt by them in the near future.

He is still involving my DCs in his rendez-vous' with OW and I am extremely cross about this. Major argument last week about them playing with OW DCs. He agreed to stop. They are still doing the school run together though and I flipped again today. He has gone to his parents with DCs so I can do teh coursework and revision I need to do. He is bringing van back with furniture ready to move next Tues. I told him not to bother coming back at all and he flipped. major argument within earshot of DCs. Not impressed with myself to me.

He has since rang me to tell me he has calmed down and will do what I want. Will be a bit of a pain for childcare for a couple of days. But I am sick of this dragging on and sick of him carrying on with her whilst he is still under my roof (He hid his car round the corner yesterday whilst he went to see her).

I am seriously planning on telling older DCs (9) why he is leaving. I got so much grief last week because he tol them I wouldn't let him come home. I refused to be blamed for this. I am just torn because I don't actually think they should have to deal with why...but is it better than the alternative of them blaming me for not letting their daddy come home, which is their perception at the moment .

I think that the worst thing is that I won't know how they will react and deal with it until I tell them, and once I tell them I can't undo the telling if it all goes pear shaped. Any opinions welcome.

You're under an incredible amount of pressure right now Spook I'm not surprised you flipped at him, as he's being completely unreasonable in his behaviour, as well still living together and waiting for him to finally move out, not to mention possible rumours and worries about the DCs. I'd tell them an age appropriate version of the truth when ready. They've probably figured it out already anyway. Sending you enormous ((hugs)) do not beat yourself up too much on anything you didn't do "perfectly" today for the kids, or any day at the moment. You're looking after your DCs, studying and trying to protect them and nurture them despite everything. You're a super star! Just remember that lovely lady x

FWIW I do think that DTD1 may have overheard an indication of why when she overheard that he was moving. But it is likely to have been on a level which she didn't understand.

It is very possible that they are overhearing arguments about them playing with OWs DCs o probably worked out it has something to do with that family but...I dunno.

What is an age appropriate version? Daddy is leaving because he has been cuddling and kissing OW and grown ups should only do that with one person? too babyish? Too explcit? I jusut don't know. DTDs are 9 (nearly 10) BTW. DD3 is 4 so unlikely to understand anything.

Who put threesome idea in ur head spook ,with stuff like that no wonder ur head is imploding .ok deep breaths ,keep repeating he will be gone soon,I would hold off saying anything to the the kids til u see what transpires ie a lot could happen in the next 6 to 8 wks
My Ds 4 yo at the time said "I get it daddy loves us but he doesn't love u anymore"

A mutual friend...it is based on

some bitching that OW has apparently done about XP (but that could be to cover herself)
Some previous observations which resulted in the breakdown of another family
(which could be hearsay in itself).

It is all hearsay but would make sense of one significant thing which XP has said, and would make sense of the fact that XP and OWDH are still best buddies despite all of this.

TBH who knows what is going on? Does it matter what is going on? All that matters is what I do or don't do for DCs going orward.

Hi everyone :) Can I join? Have been lurking for a while...

Nice to see you here Suff, how are you getting on? Been following your thread. Hope everyone else is ok.

The weather definitely makes me feel better, hopefully in another six months I should be back to my normal self, well I hope so anyway.

Hi romney :) I'm ok. I want it not to be the first thing I think about when I wake up. But, at least this morning I woke up furious, rather than in pieces! Helped by last night a friend told me that H said "we tried to make our marriage work but couldn't". WTF? Only if your definition of tried is to carry on as usual with the OW for 4 months while your wife pours herself out for you

It is SO interesting what he is telling himself. TRIED! Gah.

I've been wondering what it is that will mean I can move to the Dumpling no more thread. I know it's a long way off, but I think this has to happen:

1. stop thinking about it all the time
2. stop checking my phone for emails from him :( (I HATE that I do that)
3. stop crying
4. be able to be in the same room as him without wanting to throw up
5. stop hurting, physically. I ache all over, especially my legs.

Hmm, that seems like a lot! He's only been gone three weeks though. I know that I don't want him back, but I'm hugely grieving the end of our relationship :(

Thanks for letting me vent. Back story here if you want to know!