Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 12

[KateonMN]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Stay a while and tell your story and when you are ready we are sure you will make the move to being a Dumpling no more!

Hugs Spook you have so much horrible stuff in your face! All you can do is get as much support as you can. Its surprising how people who you arent close to at first come through for you. And try to detach. And try to start to do nice things for yourself. I can remember at first playing that Farmville game a lot -the kids liked it too. It was positive and distracting.

And I went out to a dance class. Exercise/dance is good as you have to do the moves and stops you thinking about other things.

And I would recommend counselling if you can too - it helps to get it all out!

ADs I didnt do so cant say about them.

That's a hideous situation for you Spook. I'd find it very difficult.

I just can't help but think that the only option that will work practically (ignoring the tree option for the time being) is for me to move.

Problem is that because I am a student, and in 12-18m I will be moving to a location that suits the (hopefully) new job I will get I don't want to move twice. Add to that that I am on a hideously good mortgage deal which means that if I move now (which would have to be into rented accomodation beause I am a student) I would be comitting financial suicide.

So it just feels as though I either kill myself finacnially or kill myself emotionally over the next 18 months :(

The other option is to talk more to OWDH I suppose....in the expectation/hope that it destroys DP and OWDH friendship and therefore all contact with the family is cut (even if he does pick up where he left off with OW once dust has settled).

Not sure that is the righ reason to talk to OWDH though (but then I still believe he has a right to know the full truth and not just OWs cover-up)....but then he might already know and has been more forgiving than me...but knowing him I really don't think this is the case.

Spook u want to post this stuff on the other thread too ,honestly.not everyone will read both and u ll get different perspectives that might help ya .
Tea I loved ur post.makes me think of my own journey.thanks for the link ,will add some more books soon .
Ok we have to come up with a positive solution for Spook.
Is he denying a relationship with this woman ?
Did they socialise b 4 together.
Very important u have boundaries here and stick to what ur comfortable with ie u feel ur being respected.This is a whole new game ,co parenting and start as u mean to go on.if he is open about the affair the pain should pass quicker.Kate on other thread moved out to give X space he needed to sort himself out ,he moved Ow in ,big fat liar, and introduced her to
Dcs ,and Kate is a survivor ,even plumbed in her own washing machine,much respect x
This is a crazy old road ur on very bumpy and kinda twisty,but trust ur instincts spook and don't stop loving urself,ur self love will get u thru this x

I'd perhaps consider renting out your current place for now, rather than selling it and then rent elsewhere iyswim? I've done that before.

Tbh I think for your own sanity a move maybe necessary and worth every penny. Is your ex supporting you well? I cannot remember, have you applied for tax credits and other benefits you should be entitled to? Citizens Advice Bureau can advise you here on what you should be claiming as that may help you a lot financially. You may also be entitled to extras as a student that they'll know about.

In summary XP admits an inappropriate relations but claims tey didn't sleep together.
OW publically denies anything more than a friendship (I think she admitted same as XP to me but it was in a steaming row which is a bit of a blur)

Yeah, renting would be an option tea.

XP doean't earn enough to pay CM ATM, and I am actually in a far better financial position =than him (and since going through all the finances recently I will probably be better off financially without him as his income probably wasn't covering his existance). I had a windfall a couple of months ago which is tucked away in my own name so he can't touch it. Tax credits are sorted. There is not a lot of extra's I can get as student other than little things like free school meals. Am talking to student support at uni about this.

slightly-maybe renting your place out might be an idea,it must just feel like you dont get a break from it with her so close.
Definatly post on other thread,i am going to drag my bum over there,i lurk but dont post because i feel a fraud with the thread title ha ha as i definatly have not moved on.There are lots of ladies on there who have come through this and are an inspiration.

Thread def not meant to exclude anyone ,I guess we just weren't recently ditched after 18mths.renting sounds good,I would speak to a local letting agent they will be keen for property and short lease of 6 mths will be cool that u can keep reviewing ur situation.lots becomes easier with time ,every six months u will feel better and stronger ,ow might split too and move.her H musnt think people split for nothing IYSWIM and ur X is out on his arse.

Fairy mine did this too and only stopped when he started seeing her in August.didn't want a divorce in July lol wanted his life back , but she started working in the pub in may lol and only admitted sleeping with her in Feb just a lying fucker .Thinking he was king of the playground ,telling me how much he fancied me ,had never changed in 16 yrs.
Oh well he will never get near me now .

Ohhh I have only just seen this thread!

I have just become a single Mum after 8 years, It's a little daunting but for the best as ex was hard work.

Can I join you ladies?

My boys are 6 and 4, taking it well, ex doesn't really have much to do with them wich is sad but at least they don't get shouted at and pushed away all the time now!

I am going out for a girly night on the tiles with my besties for the first time in 8 years on Saturday, I am so excited!

Have a good nite on sat !

Hope ur all cool and planning something nice for the weekend x

Hi everyone - me and DD came back from our week away last night. We had a great time - made some really nice friends from North of of the border and had lots of fresh air and exercise. We were skiing if you hadnt already guessed.

We had a problem with the dog whilst we were away and eventually i had to ohone the H and ask him to see if she was alright - grudgingly he did - wasnt easy at first as i think he just wanted to wash his hands of everything and it was only when i told him that DD was upset about the dog - the dog who went everywhere with him up until 10 weeks ago- dog fine now was probably missing us lots.

Have caught up with this thread - and a bit of some of the others interpsered with putting more washing on.

DD is being picked up by H at 11.00 and i am really not looking forward to seeing him at all. As far as i am concerned i would be happy to never see him again but this is impossible.DD and i both got a bit upset yesterday as we have really enjoyed being away from all the crap and the thought of having to see the OW most days at school is a real downer for both of us.
Had a bit of male attention on holiday - one French guy was quite flirty - no interest from me though and a lovely English guy who i had some lovely conversations with and made me feel attractive again and realised that my H didnt bother to make any sort of conversation much and how i miss that in a realationship..

Hello to titsalina, Fairy, Tea , Patience, Slighlty and anyone lurking.

Glad u had a lovely break,dev x

dev-glad you had a lovely break and enjoyed the male attention.

Quick update -H came to pick up DD at 11.00 and said he was taking her to the cinema and then her favourie restaurant for lunch - i know this isnt very detached but i said the last time you went there was just after Xmas when Daddy was at the Rugby- this was his cover story for when i caught him out having gone away over night with the tart, slapper OW.

He knew exactly what i was saying and he couldnt look at me - well you wouldnt be able to would you if you had done what he has done?

i am told that tart, slapper OW went away with the girls for a weekend last weekend - and do you know what - H looked after her son! He even took him to school on Monday - the same school that his DD goes to and would have been seen by around 100 or so parents.

At some point i will make it clear to him that this is unacceptable as it is likely to be mentioned to DD by the other children - what a tosxxr!

Feeling much stronger though and moving on. DD said that Daddy was grumpy and not much fun - i thibk it is imploding and he is holding on by his fingertips. He asked DD is she would like to go bowling with him and they could take ow's son with them - she isnt keen and said she would think about it. She doesnt even like this boy and seeing him at school every day reminds her of what her Daddy has done. Of course in the very unlikely event that this realationship lasts much longer it will be up to her what she does but i thinbk it is not fair for him to pressureise her about this - i suspect that he has babysitting duties put on him by OW and this would make his life easier.

Hello Dev. Glad you had a good trip. I LOVE skiing and I am the most unlikely skiier ever . Sounds like your H is doing a jolly good job of bringing about his own downfall from what you say. The best thing you can do is sit back and watch. Not that I'm in a position to give that advice as I hardly followed it myself. But with hindsight I should have taken a big step back instead of going full throttle for revenge and humiliation. Felt good at the time but the view from the moral highground is good. Enjoy it.

Titsalina how was ur nite out ?
Dev I agree its his car crash .
Just mind urself and dd.
Even though I was v upset ,I didn't like the bloke my X became and I wouldn't want to be with him now.Ok as an aquaintance but never made the grade as an H or father,too bleeding selfish.

I put an offer on a house - ohmigod!

Last year I found out my ExH was having an affair with our best family friend.He was going to go and live with her and her two DCs and it was all over after 15yrs marriage with a few ups and downs and 2 DCs for us. One disabled. I then needed an operation and could not lift DC so he stayed in the house to help - sleeping in spare room and going off and seeing OW.

OW was still living with her DP, who was oblivious to all this and I did not feel up to / could not be bothered to tell him - was just keeping my head above water. Recovered, got a better job, sorted out child care for DCs and started saving money.

Expected EXH to move out, asked him to, packed his bags etc. He had got himself and her a ff flat not far away and I waited. He did not/ would not move out. She did not tell her DP and did not move in and neither did he. He accused me of lying, being a bitch, having an affair, etc etc etc.

She in the mean time was playing happy families with her DCs and DP and having EXH on the side. Her DP then found out and she has allegedly finished with my EXH ( I know this is not the case) is off having counselling with her DP, running around on romantic weekends away, playing happy families, buying houses with him etc.

All came to a head in January and I set my resolutions and decided to stop letting her ruin everyones life. He will not move out, so I am going to with 2 DCs, on a diet, going to the gym, working hard and finally found a little house I can afford, got a mortgage ( no mean feat) have not told EXH as would really like it all to be sorted before I say anything and then he can go on a business trip and come home to find me gone!

I feel so proud of myself at the moment - as I phoned the estate agent to put in the offer, I realised I really did not care about her or him and they could do whatever they wanted - I felt free. I can not wait to move, scared, worried but oh so relieved - that I feel like I am back in charge of my life. What a year....

Wow what a journey onlyone. I love your kick ass attitude though Sounds like the perfect plan to forge a new life for yourself.

Dev the week away sounded great. Give H enough rope and he can hang himself as the saying goes though.

Such an achievement for you ,only one ,its scary but exhilarating this single mum stuff ,but so much better than settling for a liar,good on ya !!!

Onlyone - well done, you sound very strong, I hope all goes through with the house and your future, welcome to the thread.

Dev glad you had a great holiday, sorry its the same old shit when you got home. Hope everything starts to get better for you.

How are you doing fairy?

The kickass attitude wavers massively but since January I really have done what I wanted not what he wants. Felt like I was drowning for a long time but my family and neighbours have been fab and the few friends I have told are great.

In my head I plot her downfall but each time she manages to get herself out of it. Lying must be so hard for her. One example -she is all on with her DP and they went away for a romantic weekend, the same weekend my EXH was on a business trip to same place!!! Just wanted them all to meet and the cat would be out of the bag and all her lies to both men would be exposed but as per usual it did not!!!!

Got to find a solicitor on Monday, surveys etc etc....