Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

lol Tea - that was lovely!
Patience - camomile tea and crystals - I like it. Going to try that myself.

Ps when it gets really bad you can use 2 tea bags and go 4 a "double cammomile"
Thankyou for UR good wishes tea.

Had a look on lovehoney tonite ,if I'm going to be single I need to expand my collection. Just got one rr.Tracy cox bullet gets good reviews.politically I think wanking is a feminist issue re equality etc.just my pov but interested in other opinions .

Oh and we had snow over nite and someone drew a cock and balls doodle on my windscreen.
Dd said 'mummy someone has drawn an ice cream cone on UR car ,can I get an ice cream cone"

LMAO Patience! Ha ha ha ha love it.

Happy well you just have to keep smiling , perhaps you could consider a legal career if your job goes down the pan . Well you know what they say if you dont laugh you will cry ..

Kate you're a one lol at shouting down the road and well done on valuing your self esteem so highly.

Tea it sounds like you and your xh have a good friendship which is great, is there anyone else on the thread with this ? Yes get on with your college work Tea

Patience dont have strong views on wanking if it feels good do it man or woman

Thank you for your welcome gettingeasier.
I am pleased to be here.

Happy did u say to ur bro ,some lawyers give u a free first half hour appointment

Offschool I was with my xh 17 years too. Have you got a thread or can you tell us a bit more about you ?

Ok so I have dragged myself off to bed early...ok earlier than normal tonight after 4 hours sleep last night (teething from one, sympathy teething from DD).

Will catch up On this thread properly tomorrow.... But just had a quick question for Kate and others who manage this.when you talk of politeness and rising above all the crimes against humanity of your h.... What does your politeness actually look/sound like? Ie would it sound to an innocent bystander like normal friendly politeness delivered in the same way as you might use with a friend or is it over the top 'fuck you' politeness that is obviously not polite at all but full of smiles and attitude? I have always found it hard to even feign (sp?) politeness after what he did ( and until recently took the view that if I am agreeable he will start thinking I am ok with him and his actions) but it's bloody exhausting being someone I am not and being steely all the time.I too need to start rising above it too

"would it sound to an innocent bystander like normal friendly politeness delivered in the same way as you might use with a friend" Well in my case a woman at pre school in Dec had no idea we were divorced as we seemed so amicable, until I said and she was shocked. But I think my faith has had a lot to answer for there and trying to forgive and move on. I don't think it's normal, as I do not bear him ill will at all now, but then again in the last year he has been very considerate, reliable with visits and respected boundaries. Who knows?

Hey clouded I am detaching so don't actually see or speak to him much.

if he rings and I have to talk to him, I will answer the phone with a 'Hi, You OK?" and when he drops the girls off I will smile (even though he can't look me in the eye) so I'm polite but I do try to get it over as quickly as possible. There are no brews or anything like that.

exchanges about the girls are via email and I sign off with a "Speak soon" whereas before it would just be a message no name or signature.

But, the main thing I'm doing is not pulling him up on how he treats the girls...so when he doesn't ring them, or packs them off when he is supposed to have them - I don't mention it. He is now responsible for how he treats the girls. Not what I think is the right thing to do. You know what? he doesn't ring them when he's with OW - and they don't even mention it.

I do snap occassionally, like when he got on the phone to talk to other woman when I was at the family home - and he just ignored his girls...or when he didn't ring his daughter on her birthday.

But, I am pissed off and angry with him - I think those vibes fuel his self belief that he has 2 women who want him.

He doesn't.

I also feel sorry for him as I'm almost certain he will regret the almighty cock up he's made of his life in the future and doing it for this woman. They're already finding things tricky but maybe they'll come through this. But I know she'll never love him like I did. She's young, selfish and niave to say the least. Those thoughts give me strength. But if they move in together next year I'll find that so hard, it'll be very hard for me then. I do think if he dated someone new I'd feel differently about them, although I'd still consider if I thought they were suitable material to look after my 2 lovely little ones.

I really should go to bed, I watched inception tonight which made my brain hurt. I'm going to be so tired tomorrow now

Ex H went home about 9pm after waking.

Cv .....its taken me a year to get close to this .I swung from angry to sad because of my Xs behaviour ,I could detatch when I didnt see/speak to him ,but when I did I was triggered my his immature,irresponsible,head fuck,self entitled behaviour.He was always calm and self righteous and then turn on his heel with a 'fuck this.'Nowadays I am emotionally more developed than him ,I am starting to spot the triggers and this makes a huge difference.I am also coming to terms with everything that has happened and no longer need to tell him how unfair it all is or how much he hurt me.
And I try and be as relaxed as I can when I pick up the kids sometimes that involves rr sometimes just going 4 a walk but endorphins are good ,sleep well x
Maybee will do meet up soon, what suits you ?

I think the easiest way to describe the last week for me was I was grieving for my marriage,I was married to a bastard,but he was MY bastard .

Disclaimer I have to type this type of dysfunctional stuff to get it out my system .DV is unacceptable ,but takes a while to undo the behaviour patterns but I'm getting there x

Wow, just had the weirdest dream, really lucid and clear.

I was in a school (representing where ex and OW work I think)and I basically got called in to explain the situation.

God, and I did - every single detail. I feel like I have just had a 4 hour session with a therapist. But woke up without that heavy feeling in my heart for the first time since I left. It's just gone.

Our sub concious is a strange thing - and will do what it needs to make sure we get through the hard times.

Wow Kate that's amazing!

Ohhh, if there was ever a thread for me this is it!

can I join please?

Ipom hello. I've just typed a message to you on the other dumpling thread. Welcome

lol..hello again.

I'm going to stick to the other thread and typing it all twice is just taking the P and I'm lazy

After my dream, and feelings of clarity - I have just emailed ex to say he needs to properly support his children financially.

He's going to go mad - he has offered £12.50 per chld per week so far (even though I haven't seen any of it)

But, just woke up and thought to myself, I moved out, found rent and deposit, furnished the house for me and my girls, bought xmas party clothes, winter coats, another set of school uniforms and he has contributed a grand total of £100 since October. (and this was guilt money...gave it me 30 mins beofre he went to family wedding with OW)

So - with everything else to deal with - why should I worry about money as well?

It's time for him to man up. Oddly enough, I didn't want to ask him - when I felt I was asking to 'punish' him iykwim. But now I feel like I'm asking him just for the girls.

It's not going to be pleasant - but I'm going to be calm and dignified when he rings and screams down the phone at me.

Oh heck just get the CSA involved, so much easier, I'm feeling a lot better since the CSA have got involved. Well my H might not but that's not my problem

morning Tea If I do it via the CSA - he will freak out big time. I am worried about his reaction to me and the girls if I do that.

It is my back up plan though, I'm hoping that he will do the right thing.

Hi all

Kate Fantastuc processing by your brain. I am not sure re the CSA but probably better to calculate what CSA would ask, work out what you want and ask him for it first. Then if he doesnt man up with the money, then tell him you will go to CSA. If I could avoid the bureaucracy I would but do take Teas point.

Tea - you are amazing how youve got to the point you have. And yes I think your H will hugely regret what he haas done. Guilt is a really horrible thing, And he can never undo what he has done - never. And he will always be the guy who cheated on his first marriage (sorry if this upsets you)And also a friend who knoiws a lot about these things says that under 5 or so kids are psychic - they know what has gone on. DD age 4 has given H a lot of grief about certain things - and it didnt come from me.

Hi IPom -will be good to catch up on your story.

Hi Offschool

Patience LOL :)

CV lots of sympathy re teething -I had hell oveer thiss and was very glad when age 2.5 was reached by DD

Googoo :)

Hope you can all have your Scottish meet soon!

Getting :)

Hope all have happy as poss days. Have a lovely outing planned.

Have very big day for helping DS tomorrow and have done lots of work to prepare and hope it will all go well.

Just dropped kids off ,I was really natural surprised myself,my heart still lurched when I saw him ,touched his hand ,handing over wellies,but I looked fab kids soooo happy to see their daddy and we were civilised adults.Not cried but a wee bit emotional back home.He gave me half my maintenance ,which is better than none .and I'm keeping a note of it all.just don't want to be angry anymore.just want to accept reconcilliation was a fairytale cos X didn't want to sort himself out.don't know if I will ever stop loving him though ,but our relationship is co parents now with lots of boundaries..