Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Just discovered AsdaDirect, where has it been all my life? I love buying their kids clothes for basic bits like PJs, vests, socks etc and wellies. But in store often they've run out in my children's sizes.

How fab. Just ordered some bits and bobs, I love their cheapness.

Morning all

Well now I have a sort of clear head I reread last nights posts

Mumfun funny you should say that he mentioned no 1 penis enhancing car was being sold , he does make it up as he goes along though.

CV you are so right when they have no motivation to care what we think of them and no longer love or respect us we see a rather different version. I really sympathise with your reluctance to sit down and hear what his vision of how things will be is. Have you had any legal advice yet ? It really helped me at the beginning to have some basic facts to hand from my sol so that when he started making threats and saying scary things I knew he was pissing in the wind and so I could remain calm. You know already that you need to do this and I would say that its possibly taking more of a toll on you by not confronting it. After all you may find either your legal position is stronger than you thought or that he is going to live up to your vision of signing over the house or something acceptable to you

Pink yes isnt it great to feel we are so much stronger than in my case a year ago. The whole tone of your posts has gone from heartbroken to complete insouciance in the 7 months since I joined the thread its remarkable really. Can you see that yourself ?

googoo hope you got a good nights sleep . I know what you mean about just placing it in legal hands but we have come this far so apart from in an advisory capacity etc I will see it through with him. I too am quite intimidated by him but I think thats because I am still financially vulnerable until this deal is done.

Patience you are spot on with your comments about as a tosser big shot he probably isnt happy about camping out at ows, losing his status objects and I would bet on my curly hair that the blame for everything will be parked at my door.

Reading your posts this morning I was amazed at how you all said that you dont think hes happy and the way he behaved during our phone call showed that. It hadnt even occurred to me that that would be the case but actually maybe you are right. Its funny but I have always worked on the assumption that he is very very happy because he isnt with me any longer . He did such a good job of convincing me how awful I am that I felt that by definition being away from me would equal bliss for him. I guess when he comes into the equation my self esteem plummets , old habits die hard and I go to my default of hes nasty to me because I deserve it iyswim ?

However as you all said the good news is I am away from him and after having a good cry /rant /drink last night I have woken up this morning feeling much better.

Going back as well the ow pulling the strings factor. I hadnt thought of that and it was weird because my friend who was here was saying the same thing last night. I think I have been naive there , the thing is ow truly has been beneath my attention in all this and so I havent considered her influence

Well lets just hope we can iron out the latest clauses fast get this deed signed before he backtracks on anything else.

Starting glad you feel so calm about next weeks case, will you need to be there ?

Happy hats off I couldnt imagine sitting for a meal with xh , hope you put him straight on getting money for ds already. Its nice for you to be able to reciprocate and be there for mm ?

Patience I agree with the trying to be polite route although tis testing at times I can tell you !!! I hope all the emotional upheaval this past week passes soon because we know that when it does you will be several steps further along the path, considering the actual divorce isnt nice.

Well I fear today may be a MN day/duvet day as I feel on edge (hangover so I deserve it) and drained as I am not used to being so upset anymore. People coming this morning to look at the house when they have gone I think I will baton down the hatches.

Hope everyone is ok and thankyou again for all your support yesterday

Morning all

Well now I have a sort of clear head I reread last nights posts

Mumfun funny you should say that he mentioned no 1 penis enhancing car was being sold , he does make it up as he goes along though.

CV you are so right when they have no motivation to care what we think of them and no longer love or respect us we see a rather different version. I really sympathise with your reluctance to sit down and hear what his vision of how things will be is. Have you had any legal advice yet ? It really helped me at the beginning to have some basic facts to hand from my sol so that when he started making threats and saying scary things I knew he was pissing in the wind and so I could remain calm. You know already that you need to do this and I would say that its possibly taking more of a toll on you by not confronting it. After all you may find either your legal position is stronger than you thought or that he is going to live up to your vision of signing over the house or something acceptable to you

Pink yes isnt it great to feel we are so much stronger than in my case a year ago. The whole tone of your posts has gone from heartbroken to complete insouciance in the 7 months since I joined the thread its remarkable really. Can you see that yourself ?

googoo hope you got a good nights sleep . I know what you mean about just placing it in legal hands but we have come this far so apart from in an advisory capacity etc I will see it through with him. I too am quite intimidated by him but I think thats because I am still financially vulnerable until this deal is done.

Patience you are spot on with your comments about as a tosser big shot he probably isnt happy about camping out at ows, losing his status objects and I would bet on my curly hair that the blame for everything will be parked at my door.

Reading your posts this morning I was amazed at how you all said that you dont think hes happy and the way he behaved during our phone call showed that. It hadnt even occurred to me that that would be the case but actually maybe you are right. Its funny but I have always worked on the assumption that he is very very happy because he isnt with me any longer . He did such a good job of convincing me how awful I am that I felt that by definition being away from me would equal bliss for him. I guess when he comes into the equation my self esteem plummets , old habits die hard and I go to my default of hes nasty to me because I deserve it iyswim ?

However as you all said the good news is I am away from him and after having a good cry /rant /drink last night I have woken up this morning feeling much better.

Going back as well the ow pulling the strings factor. I hadnt thought of that and it was weird because my friend who was here was saying the same thing last night. I think I have been naive there , the thing is ow truly has been beneath my attention in all this and so I havent considered her influence

Well lets just hope we can iron out the latest clauses fast get this deed signed before he backtracks on anything else.

Starting glad you feel so calm about next weeks case, will you need to be there ?

Happy hats off I couldnt imagine sitting for a meal with xh , hope you put him straight on getting money for ds already. Its nice for you to be able to reciprocate and be there for mm ?

Patience I agree with the trying to be polite route although tis testing at times I can tell you !!! I hope all the emotional upheaval this past week passes soon because we know that when it does you will be several steps further along the path, considering the actual divorce isnt nice.

Well I fear today may be a MN day/duvet day as I feel on edge (hangover so I deserve it) and drained as I am not used to being so upset anymore. People coming this morning to look at the house when they have gone I think I will baton down the hatches.

Hope everyone is ok and thankyou again for all your support yesterday

?but I reckon a year is long enough for them to start noticing a TWUNT'S life is not a good life? Think my ex H is realizing that, he said yesterday he thinks he?s going to have to end it with the OW, she?s now sending him long e-mails blaming him for ruining her university years and lying to her, she claims he never said it would be that often he?d speak to me and he?d only see the kids every other weekend and because he?s not amenable to living an hour away from the kids as well, things are getting quite heated between them. The grass is not greener on the otherside hey?

LOL at your DD being just as feisty. Yes I?ve joked before about the thing with stubbornness contest with your kids is that they have your stubbornness gene and man my DD can be stubborn. LOL

I can?t say for sure whether my being amicable with H means that is why we now have a good coparenting relationship. I think some men can be unreasonable no matter how polite you are. But I agree with Kate on the other thread that for me it felt good to rise above it all and try and retain my dignity but in the early days shouting at him did help

Happy did I miss why BE came for dinner? That must?ve been odd.

My H couldn?t afford a flat which is why he ended up renting a room in a house. But I guess rents round here maybe more, but I could be wrong But it certainly means it?s not suitable for him to have them overnight in his tiny room and a house that is verging on a student house quite frankly even though all his house mates work.

Getting hope the house viewing goes well and you can then enjoy a duvet day.

Thing that I love with my dd is her confidence,I just think my attitude was hit out of me as a kid ,but its not bad manners its expressing her opinion its drama its being bothered by injustice.all to be encouraged I think.won't be long b4 she has a megaphone and a placard marching for freedom ,but for now she is picking a party dress for this afternoon.Glad to say my doom cloud is lifting ,just a necessary process .Re X I just don't see him ever affording a home but we will see what happens.

I love your DD and I've never met her, she sounds so flippin' awesome. She's a credit to you Patience though and all your hardwork and love. Despite the fact my DD is stubborn at times she's just fab, hope she turns into as cool a girl as yours in a couple more years, as I think your girl is a little older?

Yeah dd is 4 yo have to enrol her at primary school x 2 weeks very xciting.They had a sign up at nursery just as well or I would have forgotten.how is ur dd doin at pre school or r they still on holiday ?

She doesn't start nursery until 13th Jan. She finished Pre School for good in Dec. I was a bit sad about it all as she loved it there.

here's a laugh for you. All I can say is "Eh?"

And when my exh was so horrible to my 7 year old the other night, he left in a big huff, then phoned up and my four year old answered it. He said "Hi dad, you're not nice. You called T nasty things and you're just not nice. Bye."
And ages ago, when exh threatened to smack 4 year old, he crossed his arms, looked his (huge) dad right in the eye and said "And if you smack me, when I'm a big man I'm going to smack you very hard."
Doesn't get better than that really :)

Hi all

Had good healthy day so far doing my sport with tea after with fellow sports lady who is a dumpling. Told her to come to mn. Lets see if she appears.

Lovely to hear about your dds. Is a bit male in my house.

Getting having returned home Im feeling a bit duvet ish too. Mostly cos the dcs are helping the saint move and I of course feel threatened. He asked if he could store some stuff here for a week. I said ok to put it in garage and have arrived home to find it in my back room.

Dinner? Well, cos as he was here with ds and I thought it was polite to offer. He also is very big on ' poor me'. I still harbor thoughts of us being friendly for the sake of the kids and I hate not getting on with people. Stupid really. Throughout everything until he moved I would still usually see him when he collected the kids. I just hate them seeing us being unfriendly and think we should have a united front although clearly that often has simply not worked.

Struggling now on what to do if ds1 no longer here and panicking about work security. The ds1 problem has been there so long that I actually dont know what to do without him. In other words I actually dont know how to live normally.

Hello I am a new dumpling! I have been a poster on other sites for a year or so but have name changed for this thread. I am not sure of the etiquette for new dumplings, but in a nutshell:
was married nearly 17 years
two dds (young teenagers)
H had affair which I found out about seven years ago
I knew it went on for a year at which point I said I could not stand it any more and he had to stop
He said he stopped
But didn't
Announced in March out of the blue he was giving up his job in order to "write"
Then in May dropped the bombshell he was leaving me for same OW who he had still been seeing, I quote "off and on"
Devastated but furious
Now feeling I may actually survive.
So hi!

oh I am not your sports lady btw IfYou'reHappy!

Waves to off school now just post what u like ,
or

Welcome offschool

Happy sorry you are worried about work and I bet that ds void will be filled with something better before you know it

Ha well ladies you dont need to worry about xh being unhappy/ regretful any longer. He sent me an email explaining his low views on me and hence treatment of me these past weeks and in a nutshell its because I am a)ungrateful at his generousity in the settlement and b) am grasping and generally wanting everything I can get .

Ok so I sat down and tapped out a very balanced, unhysterical response which was rather well worded sent it to drafts to ponder and then.... lightbulb moment dont respond getting just detach getting which if anything says far more doesnt it ?

So I doubt he will but if he asks if I got it I will just say yes and leave it at that. Boy oh boy do I love being detached dumpling. Whats more I am back on track for meeting up and rising above . Kate I dont know if you are lurking on here but your post about just rising above and outshining your xh on niceness struck a chord and I thought yes thats what I want because that was how I was before we began finance stuff and it was a lot better.

Tut tut patience shall I tell them about your knickers or will you ?

My ex H is asleep on my sofa as he's shattered. I've left him there for now. LOL funny old world.

Right time to catch up on this thread, we didn't go swimming in the end, just played 80's music loud here and danced lots like Lionel Ritchie dancing on the ceiling, Europe Final Countdown, Robert Plamer addicted to love, Aerosmith and Run DMC Walk this way, Van Halen Jump and other funny stuff. DD was doing air guitar and jumping on the bed, was so funny. Then we took them to the playground that's a short drive away as the DCs love it there, it's really big and has lots of different bits in it. It's recently been done up and is fab.

My final assignment is due in on 13th Jan and I haven't even begun it. Please persuade me girls to crack on

Go and do your homework !!!

Getting he's pure beelin' BTW
It's all about the dosh with these guys
Stand tall ur looking after ur dcs future NOT HERS

Get on with that homework Tea. And do think of something horrible to do to XH while he is asleep. It's bizarre spending time with them isn't it.

The Saint now appears to be persuading DS2 that he wants the contents of his flat . What a twunt. I will be glad when he has taken his beer belly away.

Getting - another dumpling award for you my love. Your detachment and serenity knows no bounds. I will put my Blue Peter hat on and make one out of foil. Of course, by writing the note he has shown his true colours.

Ah joyous times. My dad's wife is planning to contest his will. Shall I get a third lawyer? (that'll be divorce, criminal and dispute resolution ). My brother (who believes he knows a lot about most things) asked me for advice as I know about lawyers!

Waves to Patience.

And how do you unhide a thread? I clicked the wrong button earlier....

Hi Getting
I am being super nice - even though I don't feel like it. I am a good person, was a good partner and I try my best with the girls...

I really think it's a strategy to overcome guilt with these men - when they try to goad us into turning into shouting harridens. They simply turn to their lovely shiny new lady and their friends and say "See? That's why I left the crazy bitch!"

So, I take a deep breath, smile and show him that I am the confident, beautiful, sexy woman that he fell for and wanted to be with for 13 years....and some other very lucky man will want to be be!

He knocked me down in Novemeber - but by God - I brushed myself off and got back up and I'm stronger than ever.

**shouts down the road "Do you hear that?? Motherfuckers!!!" :)

Hi everyone. Got loads of school work and jobs done today. And felt happy. Happy - I love your new name for BF :) Sorry about your dad's wife doing that. You are very strong. I hope all is well with mman. You said you had a challenging conversation with him. He has been such a good friend to you I hope it continues.
Tea - dancing sounds lovely! If you're anything like me, you'll start the assignment on Monday, then do most of it the night before.
Getting - that's the best feeling isn't it? Detachment. I've done that so well with exbf because I had practice with exh. Well done :)
Patience - love your "I was born with my middle finger in the air"! Wish I'd been - I wouldn't have been such a bloody doormat. Yes, I was scared of exh. No I had no counselling. I should have done though. Might have made th recovery a lot quicker and meant that I didn't waste my time on two other losers afterwards!

Hi Kate - I'm also super nice. It completely infuriates him most of the time. And makes me feel superior! :)

I was crazy dumped angry wife that he said to blokes on the pub "Told u she was a crazy mad bitch ! "

LOL

Well that was the year that was ,now I'm all camomile tea and crystals.

Patience if I had to walk a mile in your shoes with a H like yours who calls you a c*nt and other nasty things and lied and opted out so much I'd have been hopping mad and wouldn't have retained my dignity at all ever. My history with my H almost seems tame compared to yours.

You're going to be like a caterpillar in a cocoon this year and out of it will grow something so amazing and beautiful and inspiring, as you're already an awesome, strong woman and out of the ashes something amazing will rise. I can imagine you getting alongside other woman in years to come and strengthening them and supporting them.