Just read a couple of your latest posts on the other thread Elsie.
Bloody hell your DS has really been badly affected by this hasn't he.
My DC were ok (but massively shocked) when exh left as they were teens (thank you God).
If they had been the same age as your DS then things would have been very different.
They loved him so much and he could do no wrong.
Even now as mid/late teens, they just don't get why their dad left us all and now lives with miss trollop who's name they don't even know as they don't want to meet her or the new ofspring.
They just think it's wierd and I know that they feel so hurt and cast asside.
If they had been 9 they'd have been crying themselves to sleep and thier heads would have been in complete turmoile.
Your DS will be fine but what he's been through is torture, heartbreak and rejection and he doesn't know where to put himself.
A 9 year old is such a sensitive age, more than toddlers IMO and needs such carefull handling in his situation and constant reasurence and tons of love etc and your exp is just being a total bastard, not worth the steam off your shit.
It's a very hard and totally confusing lesson for your DS at a time when he should be looking up to his dad and feeling comfy, safe and proud.
You sound like such a brill mum, like all of us here, but it's hard work.
He can ask 'why did he leave?' a million times like we all have asked as we've cried into our pillows night after night but the answer will always be the same.......'because he wanted to, he didn't want to live here anymore'
Getting....try not to keep asking yourself the question because there isn't an answer, he just didn't want to live here anymore.
They don't just leave the wife, they leave the whole family because they no longer want the 'burden of responsibillity'.
When my H left and we were all realing with pain and shock and confusion and I could see my DC wondering what the fuck thier mum had done so terrible for thier dad to just calmly walk out, I said to them 'He's left you too you know' and they said 'yes we know',
and I thought, shit, was that cruel of me to have said that, and I thought no it's the truth and I didn't want my kids to think there must be something hideous about me that thier poor dad couldn't stand any longer because that wasn't the case, no matter how he made me think it was. I wouldn't have put it like that to younger children of course, but I really don't think saying "daddy doesn't love mummy any more" is fair to us or the kids. It makes the kids wonder what must be so wrong with mummy, maybe she's not loveble and now I'm left here with her and it can cause the kids to wrongly blame their mum and I suppose I'm not a big enough person to take all of that blame.
I think that if the man loves and adores his kids like he says he does the HE DOESN'T LEAVE, unless the wife is truely dreadfull, which we on here aren't. No really loving dad could bear to be parted from his kids for more than a few days unless he has no choice and all of ours had a choice and they chose to leave thier kids. Any spec of kindness or any minute of our time is a spec and a miute more than they deserve IMHO.
Ahh bloody hell, gonna tidy up before my unbelievebly gorgeous, wonderful DS comes home with his mates to play fifa on the ex box.