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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

1000 replies

Teaandcakeplease · 04/01/2011 14:29

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong Smile

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

OP posts:
startingovernow · 26/01/2011 22:52

Goo, that says it all doesn't it "Dad says really silly thing mum but sometimes he can be sensible" ! Kids are so perceptive!

Patienceobtainsallthings · 26/01/2011 23:11

Fwiw I didn't think UR nbf was being nasty in text ,I thought the fact u got a reply was huge step towards being civilised but then he does have a jail term hanging over him.hope he's changed his answer machine message,that other one was a bit much x

startingovernow · 26/01/2011 23:16

God you've a great memory Patience Grin, I'd forgotten about that! Yes that message on answering machine was removed after a day or so. Number was also changed & I've only had the privilage of having his new number since Sun! For the past 7mts or more I actually had no way of contacting him & didn't know where he was living Shock

Patienceobtainsallthings · 26/01/2011 23:25

It's stuff like that I found surreal at the start of all this ,kids sick and I couldn't contact him,I remember calling his friend that night too ,kids were sick and wanted daddy and all the dicks switched their phones off.Cue screaming voicemails that they all compared the next day I was later told.with my X telling me I shouldnt be leaving messages like that on peoples phones.WANKERS.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 26/01/2011 23:31

BTW ggm I've not been on a night out for 3yrs. U have been warned.
My legs are so sore I haven't got up and had a fag all night.hamstrings aching.can't pick dd up,sore where my arms join my body from press ups.

startingovernow · 26/01/2011 23:44

Patience, I think all that stuff is a great reminder of how lucky we are to have these men out of our lives Smile. Oh the peace & joy! My biggest thing that I have to watch is that I'm not too nice to him. I can be too nice, too compassionat & too forgiving when it comes to xh! He knows this too so I will have to be on my guard. For example today he kindly suggested someone who would buy the expensive item of jewellery I was awarded in the settlement. This was after a few poor me, times are v hard comments. It was on the tip of my tongue to say look you can have the jewellery & then I thought ffs get a grip this man has cost you thousands in legal fees alone Hmm

Patienceobtainsallthings · 26/01/2011 23:57

That's it u can't trust them end of.If I hadn't caught my ex lying the way I did o still wouldn't have known the depths that he would go to ,to keep his lifestyle gpong and then no remorse whatsoever just his bloody entitlement speech again.

gettingeasier · 27/01/2011 08:03

Patience you havent had a night out for 3 years ShockGlasgow had better watch out then Grin

Starting long may amicability continue with xh but DO NOT give him the jewellery !

Tea I love Verulamium too and I imagine you have been inside the cathedral ? I love it its so peaceful and beautiful and theres a particular crypt (?) I love just sitting in. That park is fab for your age dc especially the water play area in the summer I must have spent days there over the years Smile. Have you asked any of your married friends about doing stuff at the weekend ? You might find they would be keen to do stuff with the dc like the park.

Goo whens the cinema date with cd man ?

My dumpling cousin has a date tonight from a site for Uniformed Men Hmm. I havent said anything but I cant believe she is doing it. He is coming to her house , she has cooked a meal , and then she says she will have sex with him. I am a bit jealous at her devil may care attitude as I couldnt have someone at the house having never met them and as for sex , well. Just hope her bruised heart isnt in for anything bad.

Teaandcakeplease · 27/01/2011 08:16

Yes I've been in the cathedral Smile It's lovely. My friends always seem busy alas at weekends Sad

"I am a bit jealous at her devil may care attitude as I couldnt have someone at the house having never met them" Oh my! No I wouldn't have a complete stranger over to my house that I'd met on an internet site, until I'd got to know them somewhere else first. Defo wouldn't have sex on the first date either with a random stranger off the web. But then I'm an old prude.

OP posts:
IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 27/01/2011 08:17

Hi lurking and having problems keeping up.

Uniformed men wtf? Someone at work is telling me to become a cougar Hmm.

Patience, hope this will be the first night out of many.

Starting, am an expert in being kind to the saint and getting sweet fa in return. Be very careful.

Heavy work day today. Urgh. Waves to all.....

gettingeasier · 27/01/2011 08:26

I am glad you said that Tea as you are much younger than me ! She is desperate to have sex as she hasnt since she conceived her dd who is 18 mo now and she thinks it will help her mentally sever ties with her h.

Happy a cougar ? I hate that term . Hope you have a productive day

Teaandcakeplease · 27/01/2011 08:39

Hmmm well I haven't had sex since Sept 2009. But I personally felt that counseling would be more effective to get over my ex h Wink I really hope she's ok. Trying to not to be an alarmist but she knows nothing about him, I hope she used condoms for starters.

OP posts:
startingovernow · 27/01/2011 09:32

Getting, I am completely gob smacked at your cousin & tbh got shivers up my spine that anyone would expose themselves like that. Anything could go wrong, she's taking an awful chance. If you've already talked to her to no avail then I would really push her to text you at regular intervals so that you know she's ok. I can completely understand having sex with someone else to draw a line under things & help yourself to move on. Bringing someone to your home however & worse a stranger is disaster territory. When I found myself in the same place as your cousin, I picked someone I'd known for 12yrs & trusted 100% (puppy Smile) but still didn't bring him to my home. This stuff needs to be kept well away from your home or dc's. This man could be a complete psychopath for all your cousin knows. What happens if she doesn't like him or there's no chemisty or she changes her mind? Things could go badly wrong & your cousin has been hurt enough in life already. I really hope this works out for her.

Teaandcakeplease · 27/01/2011 09:36

Yes all those thought in your second paragraph struck me too Starting. I did think about puppy funnily enough too Wink

OP posts:
startingovernow · 27/01/2011 09:39

Happy, hope your day goes ok for you. I know what you mean about getting sweet fa in return from xh's. The beauty however here is that I want sweet fa from my NBF Grin. I would like things to be ok for the dc's & I would like them to have parents who can be friendly & communicate openly etc. However, I will pull back completely if he starts behaving like an arse or is disrespectful in anyway. He also knows now that I will have no qualms in hauling his arse back into court if he crosses a line so fingers x'd my NBF has learnt a few lessons along the way.

startingovernow · 27/01/2011 09:46

Tea, lol at you thinking about puppy Grin. This stuff can be a minefield & I think you really have to be in a strong place before embarking on this road as there is so much that can go wrong. I agree with you also about the importance of counselling. I'd had years of counselling before I made the move & I'd run my plan through with counsellor before I did anything. Just to reassure myself that I was emotionally & mentally strong enough to handle anything that might go wrong.

KateonMN · 27/01/2011 11:11

whistles

I may have a snog last night :)

KateonMN · 27/01/2011 11:11

LoL - I mean I may have HAD a snog last night!

Mumfun · 27/01/2011 11:42

Getting Sorry but I think your cousin is mad! And all Starting said. Ive a friend who has internet dated for the last 4 years and has told me some stories - some of the guys are not right in the head! And then to take them into your own house! One of the unsafest things you could ever do. Thats why all the meetings sites say meet in a public place first and look after your safety.

Kate woo hoo for you -and hope you haad a lovely time overall.

Patieence hope this too can be the first night of many- and hope you can all arrange a fab Scottish meet
.

Tea - can you find a single parent group. There is one in my area which arranges some weekend meetups. A lady in my area just decided to start it - and she has a good social life through it. HAve you got any cousins etc that you could meet at the weekend/ Ive just started meeting up with some of mine -and its beeen lovely.

Grin for all the perceptive kids! My DD age 4 has said some very perceptive things like Its all his fault -and shes right!

Wheres Citydoll? Hope shes ok

And as for the age appropriate version of the truth a friend recently told her 9 and 11 year olds that Daddy had kissed someone else -and they were shocked and understood it wasnt right. Dont know if that was right - but he had been very mean to them while having the affair so she wanted to help explain that too. And they were giving her huge grief about giving Dadddy another chance and why she wouldnt -so she felt it helped explain.

Maybee - it is really hard when they ask why it cant all happen. Soemtimes it just triggers me and I think again why did they do it -life could have been so simple - and they just went and wrecked it.

Off - love Dead Man Walking. On my other site they talk about the Dead Shark Eyees as so much of them develop these dead eyes devoid of feeling and empathy.

Mumfun · 27/01/2011 11:45

Starting - also love your Valentines night question? LOL

Hi Happy, Chairmum, WQ and everyone else!

gettingeasier · 27/01/2011 11:53

Tea and Starting I completely agree 100% but she seems bent on it and in truth other than say I wouldnt consider that course of action in a million years I didnt want to be a killjoy Blush. Now the day has come I am concerned but know there is no point saying anything as I know shes going ahead. Tea I agree I mean soldiers arent known for keeping it in their khakis are they ! The thing is without wishing to cast aspersions on her morals she has always been easy going shall we say about sex and so doesnt see the issue. Madness. Maybe I will insist on a text or two at least.

Well Starting you are a better woman than I , yes amicability for my dc but also for gettingeasier who has no idea how to get TV off the wall , unplumb washing machine (will ring Kate Grin)and various things he will be ok doing Wink

Just been for a run , where I have piled on so much weight these past 4 months its a struggle atm ! I always feel better though and one day I will stop pigging out and the running will make me slim Grin

Off to computers this afternoon have been slacking lately. Then as per all you lovely ladies advice I am going to suggest a footspa and pedicure with dd after school

gettingeasier · 27/01/2011 11:56

Hmm Mumfun wades in too.. ok I will text her the majority view then I have said my piece.

Yes Citydoll if you are lurking pop in and say hello Smile

Patienceobtainsallthings · 27/01/2011 12:46

Just tell her worse case scenario is violent rape.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 27/01/2011 12:56

So glad it went well ,getting a bit of late night texting myself,not suitable candidate for post break up sex but def helps with the moving forward .read more of my book today and I def am in the recovery stages of co dependency rather than being attracted to someone I have to save.I want trips to Paris next time not trips to alanon.

Mumfun · 27/01/2011 13:04

Love it Patience -trips to Paris not trips to alanon.

COuld I add in the same vein I want trips to Barcelona not trips to the STD clinic!

Forgot to say earlier love love WQ response to H sniffing - should be in textbooks!

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