Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.1

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

I'm not strong really. Just over the worst part. It kind of helps me make some sense out of my own pain and misery, to be helping others.

Good plan Tea. The future is long and is ours for the taking, so we can all take our time on this journey :)
Looks like I'm off to Scotland for dumpling meetup with Patience and hopefully Maybee. Think you might be next my love. Fancy a Geordie visitor for a day of fun with or without your lovely kids? I'm thinking March. Tea, cakes, light strolling etc...

Well I am introducing a new name on here, I think xh now deserves the status of being christened NBF which will stand for my New Best Friend a la Pars Hilon type lol . Well turned up with dc's today at center to meet xh & he was in same mood as Sun . Had been prepared for a complete about turn after the "around 4" text but no all was calm tg . He asked me would I mind dropping them all back into the city. So there I am with xh sitting beside me as I drive into town . Twas strange indeed. I was thinking imagine I had to call the police for him & then give evidence in court against him & here is now sitting beside me in my car! My dc's also have a school play coming up that they both have parts in & I'd given it some thougth but decided I'd go ahead & ask him as it's only right for dc's that he would be there if possible. Only one or two of my closest friends at the school know what really happened but it will be so strange turning up with xh in tow . Will give everybody a shock anyway , xh returned from the dead lol. Had a slight little inner chuckle when I said "I don't mean to be smart but just want to remind you that the 14th is Valentine's night (night of play) in case you might have other plans". He just muttered that no he had no plans .

That'd be so lovely. I usually hate weekends. Everyone is off with their H's having a lovely time (in my perception) and little old me is at home with the DCs. We could go to Verulamium park in St Albans. Lovely view of the Catherdral, feed the ducks and have a cuppa at the Inn on the Park.

Starting - I'm glad it went ok. Bizarre after his nasty text that all was well again, but great that it was. He confuses me. Be nice for him to support his DCs at the play, if he can be more reliable/ stable.

Hi everyone, I haven't read thread at all as am knackered and everything in my life has sped up all of a sudden! Am hoping to move to Ireland early march.

I'm hoping for advice. I am weary now of my 8yr old asking me why I can't just let dad come and live with us again. He also says he will not move to Ireland without his dad. I get so sad for him with his big long tearful eyelashes and total incomprehension. However so far I have just given him the story of how love changes... we love him... dad will come and see him monthly in Ireland but I fear that it might damage our relationship if he continues to see it as my choice. Should I just stick to the general story until he is mature enough to grasp it or could I tell him that his dad chose to have a girlfriend which ended the marriage.
Which is better in the long run?
Goog and Patience I'm so glad we can hook up! Yeeha
Goodnite evryone,
I will catch up on your posts soon.

Tea, having met you I think perhaps you might be the better equipped of us both to make a great counsellor. I wonder if after what I've been through would I be lacking in tolerance for those who present with what I shall call "luxury problems" lol . I think you'll be great anyway facilitating on course & I agree with above you have all the qualities to make a great counsellor if you ever decided to pursue this avenue. Btw how is your course going? Did you get your assignments completed?

Goo, sorry to hear about you little ds. Hope is a bit better tonight.

Off, the crap will do them no harm & I'm loving your plan . Hope you have a fab w'end.

An age appropriate version of the truth in my opinion. But maybe some of the other ladies will give you their take soon. I think he'll need something more from you to understand why and that may actually help him a lot. Must be hard, mine are a lot younger. Sending ((hugs)) your way. Lovely to see you on here x

Goo I hope your ds feels better soon and Kate Good luck with your date. How excitin! Patience a lot of what you say about your ex resonates with me> It wil be so good to meet you and Googs.
Bye for now

Starting - No I never submitted it on time, I need to call them and arrange to retake the course again. It's just a short one, so no bother

Thanks for the compliment but you do yourself a disservice there. No matter what the problem I know you'd behave with absolute discretion, even if it was a luxury problem

That's a tough one Maybee. I think he is a bit young to be teeling him about another woman. My sons also both say that they wish exh still lived with us. I just say, well mum and dad are still friends. he loves you both so much and so do I, daddy loves mum as a friend and he will always be there for us when we need him. And isn't it great that you've both got two houses and two of everything?
Tea - you're on. I'll arrange it next month.
Maybee and Patience - yee ha indeed! Excited x

Tea, I guess I have to keep an open mind with NBF for now, perhaps he didn't mean to be nasty with his text . He was always great to attend anything for dc's etc but staying stable well that's a whole other story isn't it! Time will tell, for now I will just continue to do the next right thing........

Maybee, I would tell ds a simple version of the truth. I wouldn't say xh "chose" to have a girlfriend as that could cause extra feelings of rejection for ds. I would just say xh has a new girlfriend & so it's no longer possible for mummy & daddy to live together. Just keep it factual & simple. From a personal perspective & from all the professional advice I got, giving dc's a simple version of the truth will help them to cope with reality & have less anxiety. I'm sure your ds will settle down to life in Ireland in no time at all. You can always join him up to plenty of afterschool activities if you feel he needs them which will help him to settle in & make new friends. ((Hugs))

Tea, xpost. Thanks back at you for the compliment I think life will just take us both wherever we're meant to be . Good luck with the assignment, I know how hard it is to juggle everything when you've dc's!

Just had to pop back in and Starting, I had to laugh at your H "back from the dead", as my lovely sister and I call my H "dead man walking", but did not want to post that here in case anyone had sad memories; please forgive me if so.
maybee I don't know you and your situation as I am new here (and my dds are older) but all the stuff I have read and been told advocates truth (as per Starting's post above). It apparently causes much more harm if one tries to hide for too long what has happened as when it comes out it can cause quite some distress and then you also look as if you cannot be trusted to tell the truth. but I am not an expert just a dumpling. x

Don't know where Maybee is so not sure ,prob best to find out first .

Off school I agree nothing worse IME than a parent that lies.My kids have had an age appropriate version of the whole lot.never hid any of it.they didn't witness anything much because X has left but they knew I was cross when I found out a new lie.
Boys at dds nursery were being silly today and called me a silly name,well dd was straight back at them telling them that wasn't a very nice thing to say to her mummy.she. was really assertive and the boys were taken aback,I thought atta girl x

OMG starting re NBF
Did u ask him his opinion on the Norm situation .

Good on her Patience. I love it when little girls are assertive - means they won't stand for any shite later in life :)
Just pm'd you. Maybee in Glasgow too. She's up for meeting up with us. I can feel a get together coming on! :) :)

Starting - just think of him as being on a very long probation.

Lol Patience, am loving your dd's feisty spirit, like mother like daughter

Old, my brother, aunt, mil & gran all died last yr within a 3 mth period but for me a sense of humour is vital. I find being able to see the funny side of things has saved my sanity.

On the whole subject of telling dc's the truth.......dd asked xh last week if he was after sorting himself out yet?? Don't you just love out of the mouths of babes .

Yeah, my 7 year old said last night in the bath "Dad says really silly thing mum but sometimes he can be sensible" !

And to all you lovely Scottish ladies [bsmile] how fab is that?!!!

Lol Patience was actually thinking if I resolve things with Norm I should really host a dinner & invite them both so they can get to know each other properly If I'm feeling generous I might even ask the Thai girlfriend along but perhaps that might be pushing it & anyway I think she might have been retired to pastures green

Goo, funny you should say that, he is actually on probation, he got two years suspended sentence for throwing an ashtray at me

Patience - you need to get to bed soon if you're going to dream about kickboxers again

Bloody hell Starting - what a twat