Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 11

[Teaandchristmascakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

[shocked]

How on Earth did we fill the other one in less than a month? Crikey!

I just wanted to paste across Patience last post, as it is a favourite on here:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Oooooooh a new thread

Evening all you lovely ladies, and post No11 for the start of 2011 maybe that will make us lucky.

Googoo - glad you had a good day out yesterday. I have read that book its called a breakup because its broken, Im not sure I enjoyed it as much as you. I have got so many books I bought in the USA recently but still havent read any of them, just cant be arsed at the moment, but thats how I feel about everything. I really must set myself a new goal in life, but dont know that I could take another knock in life at the present time.

LC - How are you, I still being a total failure, still feeling so sad and hurt, dont think this feeling will ever go. I pray to God every night that he helps me but I still feel awful.

Has anyone heard from WQ?

Citydoll hope you are making good progress in your recovery.

Patience, tea, sov, pink and googoo you are all so wise.

Pink I dont think I know your story, how long ago with your break up? I will have to search, you are doing so well I wonder what you circumstances are. Whatever you are a very wise and intelligent lady.

Hi everyone - thanks Tea :) I'm pleased you're still here I was worried about you yesterday. Your thread has some very supportive messages :)
Romney - glad to see you here too x
Patience - good to have your serenity thread - number 11 for 2011 - this will be the one where we all find our inner peace!

I'm OK just haven't found the time to post meaningfully or respond in a decent fashion since then

I haven't spoken to my parents since the other day, no plans to to be honest, as they do not agree with my pov. Sincitylover was completely right in her post.

Decided to remove "christmas" from my name now. Getting ready for the New Year

Just marking my place on the 11th thread. I'm reading everything but retaining very little as my neurones are having a xmas break at the moment. Spending way too much time staring into space but perhaps it is healing me in some way.

WherecanIhide, I have been following your story and have to say you are an absolute star. Don't let the bastard grind you down, not that I think you will for one minute.

Romney, you haven't failed anyone. I still feel low but more because I feel I don't deserve all this crap. Neither do you or any other dumpling. We dumplings have rights, you know! Just like the human rights act, I'm thinking of tabling a bill for dumpling rights .

Tea, hope you don't have to endure any more family get-togethers over New Year.

Patience, Pink, Googoo, please keep the wise words coming. Much appreciated by those of us who are feeling a bit feeble right now.

Yoohoo to all dumplings, old, new and lurking .

I'm going to go to my eldest brother and his wife's for New Year, their kids are 15, 13, 11 and 9 and are great with my little ones. Also my SIL is very supportive and thinks my parents are being idiots at the moment. So it'll be nice, so I can have a break whilst my nephews/ nieces watch play with my kids. These are the people I went camping with in October.

waves to all!

Went to have my 'access' visit to the washing machine. It was his afternoon with the girls...and what does he do as soon as I get there (armed with my laptop and book) he takes the phone...goes and sits in his bedroom and starts ringing his mates (or OW)

Leaving me to look after the girls even though I've had them 90% of the week...I marched up, told him to get off the phone and engage with his children...as he spends so little time with them. Didn't care who heard me on the other end.

He really does think I'm a bloody doormat - never was and never will be.

He got very angry with me (and my rosy specs came off again!)

but he went and made them tea and spent an hour sorting out their Moshi Monster cards with them.

FGS - why do we have to tell them how to behave as parents?

We talked about selling the house - no tears or sentimentality from me. Feeling strong today esp as I am away for the whole NYE weekend (our anniversary )

Hope I stay this way

Good for you Kate, too flammin' right he should've been engaging with them, not making phone calls when you came to collect washing.

Is there anyway you can buy your own washing machine? Or pick one up off freecycle?

Well done Kate you are sounding very strong.

I have decided I am not going to celebrate New Years eve, will prob be on my own and think I might get a film and a takeaway and bed before midnight. I dont want to cry my way into 2011!

Hi everyone - thanks for sending the link tea xx

patience - sorry to hear you are having to deal with X's hideous attitude to your DC. How these men can have children and behave the way they do will always be a source of hurt, frustration and anger for me. My own Dad has been more of a 'Dad' to DD than XH. I know most GP's are brimming with pride and love helping out, but he even does the odd night for me to have a break. I come in from putting DD to bed and he has tidied the toys and made me dinner. Makes me realise how lacking XH was in the support and help department!

romney - I feel like a failure too - think it's common for us dumplings to put it on ourselves. Spoke to a freind earlier and sadi i feel like such a failure and she said 'don't be daft, he let you down, you couldn't have done any more'. A big part of me disagrees and feels rubbish. BUT when I read that a fellow dumpling felt the same I though 'NO YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE ROMNEY' - so if I think that for you maybe I should work on thinking that for me too!!

Hi to all dumplings - thanks for your much valued support the other day. Have been a tit today - crumbled and asked XH to come back (after all he's done to me). feel like I'm addicted to being told he doesn't love me and doesn't want to ever come home. He said he just didn't want our relationship anymore. Thing is I totally agree that it wasn't right - looking back I see how hard he made life - so why do I want him!?!?

Doesn't help that DD is V poorly with some awful virus - rash, runs, vomiting - awake every hour last night so am feeling rough today on top. Part of me wishes he was here to cuddle and comfort me but a part knows he would have been no real help! Feel messed up

I used to feel like that Goat and sometimes still do, its comforting with someone you loved for so long. Even though they've hurt you so much. I think I liked the idea of being with him and the person he once was. But the truth is the man he is now is not someone I would ever want.

By the way to state an old favourite on here: We have not failed or are the failures, they are, they failed us and our DCs

Goat I felt exactly the same a couple of weeks ago - my girls were poorly and I did the whole ringing him up late at night, wanting to talk and to ask 'why'

It's OK to wobble - it's part of grieving for a relationship and the future that we have lost.

I found writing in a journal really useful - just write whatever you are feeling and thinking..get it all down, have a cry and rant and then shut the journal.

Mine is full of pages listing why he's so crap...then pages saying what I miss about him...rants about the other woman and how hurt I am...then pages about whay she is welcome to him!!!

It is ups and downs - but I can look back and look where I wrote 'today, is the worst I have ever felt' and know that (fingers crossed) I won't feel that blue again.

When you're ready, list his faults - how much he's hurt you...then remember these wise words from a dumpling on here....

You want him back...WHY?

Hello everyone. I'm off to Ireland to my family tomorrow yeeha! Shouldn't have any weather problems en route, lovely rain again. I phoned my mum to tell her we were coming (just me and my 3 boys) and she later asked my sis if x was still on the scene. So now she knows we've split. I can't help feeling relieved but a bit sad as she'll be sad for me and the boys now and I've got to another stage now. I just hope people won't pity me as I have a big family back home although they are all supportive. I got thru Christmas ok but am so dreading January and February now. Anyway I'll not be online for ages so take care everybody and I hope 2011 will be a better one for all of us.
:)

I'm still around but been away to parents for Xmas. Got myself an ipod (because I can be totally unsociable now if I like) and it's great to be back listening to the music I love. Gave it up really for XP :-( I'm trying to listen to the uplifting tunes and not the "oh cripes, life is over" types.
But NYE difficult time for me so preparing myself for the worst. Like Romney, I will be trying to forget it, go to bed and then wake up when the fireworks start, realise what has happened and wail until dawn ........

Thanks tea and kate - it's some comfort to know it is all part of the process but sorry to hear you've both been where I am now - it's shit tbh. Hit the nail on the head about the ups and downs - before I saw him I was adamant that I was beter off! Also true about the person he was - or more accurately (in my case) the person I believed/hoped he was. Thinking on it I have always had trouble of letting go - of anything, any friendship, relationship. I'm not good with change!

Have a great time maybee- happy 2011.

Try not to dread NYE still - think of it as a fresh start maybe? I know I will find it hard - we always really celebrated NYE - champagne and sex - I really miss both!!

We could do another DJ Happy type night where we create a thread and link fav tunes from YouTube whilst sipping drinks in the comfort of our own home and jumping about to the music? It's good fun?

That's what I would've done if the e-mail from my SIL hadn't arrived this morning.

Talking about music I love Michael Buble and it was the sort of thing I couldn't play when with my H unless he was out. So playing it loud tonight whilst drinking tea, eating my homemade mince pies and mumsnetting. Ahhh bliss. I like being alone now most of the time

Hi all, like some of you I am having a couple of days where all i want to do is contact dh and demand an explanation as to why he is behaving like the biggest tit of earth. Glad christmas is over and like you still im gonna sleep right through NYE. Coming to the conclusion that my dh is not going to contact me with any kind of explanation, well you know what I am starting to love on. I miss him like hell, but caught myself singing to music earlier- maybe its going to be okay. If its meant to be he will come back if not, well i think i could be okay ... Take each day as it comes and dont even think about the future... It will happen when it happens

Hi Crazee!! Glad you are here Sure it's going to be ok you know. Let's look on the New Year as a new beginning, as hard as it may seem we have survived this far.

OK ladies - I'm not doing anything on NYE either. I WAS going to be in exbf's village at a big party but am now thinking I'll just do some work and then go to bed. In fact, going to be alone for whole weekend as exh has kids and I'm bloody dreading it tbh - so why don't we do a DJ night on here? I'm up for it if you lot are! Tea did one for my birthday, just after I'd been dumped - I was snowed in, no kids on my own and completely distraught but the exchanging of tunes really cheered me up :)

I agree Still surely it cant get any worst than its been.

I just need to work on getting my things out of the house, though theres no hurry, went to CAB and they said he cant stop me taking anything from the house unless he goes to court. This man wont even tell me its over so I have no fear that he will do this.

I have my finances in order now,so am making progress. As much as christmas has been hard. I have relaxed so much as its been the first time ive been off work since the split. Having lots of early night, retail therapy- and if i do say so myself I look pretty hot with the weight loss- he had better watch out and make his mind up soon xx

Ahhh Googoo I'll be sad to miss it. Play some tunes for me and have a drink I get rubbish phone reception in darkest Wiltshire when at my SILs.

Hello Crazeeladee welcome to our merry band, do you have your own thread on here about your sorry saga?