Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 11

[Teaandchristmascakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

[shocked]

Thanks getting, x post.

Welcome crazee sorry you are joining our merry band and going through all this. In time this will get easier and the pain lessens. Patiences serenity prayer is a great mantra

Great to see all the chat on the new thread and sorry for those who are going through the emotional mill atm.

I seem to be under a cloud these last couple of days as per my posting yesterday but I know I just have to wait it out and the sunshine will return.

My dc will be back shortly and as I am feeling below par I am not looking forward to hearing all about it. They are with xh this weekend and no doubt doing something special for NY in the ow family unit. Like you Kate I invited myself to my cousin for NY as I didnt want to be sitting 2 miles away from my dc and not able to wish them HNY.

I know all the dumplings who cant get their exs to see the dc suffer but sometimes I wish I didnt have to hand mine over so much. My parents divorced when I was young and I rarely saw my dad apart from 2 weeks each summer and my mum said to me last week how although it was tough going for her seeing me having to deal with xh so much shes glad she had what she had. Thats the thing with divorce isnt it no matter what the scenario theres crap to deal with and mostly for us Mums.

Anyway I am going to buck up if I can and enjoy today because I wont see dc again until late sunday evening and then they are back to school tuesday.

For all dumplings who are still loving their h's and wanting them back can I just say that was how I felt the first few months but I gradually came to realise that I was thinking about my xh as someone he hadnt been for a very long time. I wanted someone back who had long since ceased to exist but in order to continue in my marriage with him I had to have a certain image of him. I had him on a pedestal and felt I wasnt good enough for him and was almost grateful he wanted to be with me. When I was grieving for my lost future and dreams I slowly saw that they were never going to come to fruition anyway because a lot of it was constructed in my head.

I know some of you will have been in better marriages than mine but you may find as time passes and you are able to look past the heartbreak that you feel you havent lost as much as you thought and that maybe in fact a better future lies ahead. For me recovering my self esteem and removing the rose tinted spectacles has led me to be glad my xh left forcing me to confront reality and begin to build a future with integrity.

When I feel like I'm missing xp I ask myself these questions:

If you could spend just one wonderful day with any man, who would it be? Answer - my dad (he died 2 years ago).

If a fairy granted you a wish would it be a) to have xp back or b) have your broken heart completely mended and look forawrd to life without xp. Answer - b) without hesitation.

I try to break it down to head versus heart. My head says 100% I do not want him back and my heart has gone from 100% I do want him back to about 50%. So that means only 25% of me wants him back and 75% of me is in a better place.

hello all,have been pointed in this direction by tea(thanks).This is only the start of day 3 on my own and am still in the horrible place of wanting H back/sending desperate txts generally making fool out of myself when deep down i know that it is probably for the best.At the moment i see being a single parent of 4 having to give up my job and possibly my house/move the kids school is such a unbearable thought that i would do anything to avoid that and that makes me angry with myself for being so weak.
I am struggling to eat,which is not good as i am still breast feeding my 16month old milk monster and would probably explain why i couldnt settle her till 11pm and then she was restless all night but as one of his reasons for leaving me was because of my weight i am finding that hard.Add on to that hardly any sleep.
Anyway hope i have not dragged you all down,i am reading through the old posts trying to get some inspiration

Oh fairy - much love to you. Just tried to post a little bit of advice on here then bloody deleeted it by accident! I'll be back on a bit later - just wanted to say hello, we are here for you, keep posting, it's only day 3 - you are going through the mire at the moment and it is completely normal - don't beat yourself up about the texts but every time you want to text him today, COME ON HERE INSTEAD! :)

Can you manage some chocolate for the calories if nothing else Fairy?

ha ha tea i think i have enough fat on me to nurse 50 kids,but have had a bit of chocolate cake to keep the older two happy as they had noticed.Had my 1st lone parent crisis dd2 16months climbed onto a dinning chair fell backwards off it and cut her head open,in my new sleep/food state i really couldnt function and forunatly have some great friends who live 5 minutes away came to the rescue the wife stayed with the other kids while the husband took us to the hospital ,luckily all was ok and just glued it up and sent us home,she is so brave.I stupidly rung H ,who said txt me let me know what happens and then rung the home phone whilst i was out and spoke to my eldest telling him all of this was no one fault etc just he couldnt stand me any more,i know he did it so son wouldnt blame himself but wish he had done it whilst i was here as ds was upset by it,but it was a good thing to do.
Days like today just make you realise how hard is going to be on my own.Hope everyone else is ok and enjoying the last few days with their dc before they go back to school.

Welcome fairy , it sounds like a baptism by fire for you but its good you have close friends on hand.

Where are all the dumplings...hitting the sales?

Just had New Look on the phone who accidentally nobbled dd for stealing. Apparently someone set off the alarms and she was nearby with NL products in her bag (from Santa)and got jumped by 3 security guards.She sounded soo upset bless her , mind you this may be a good thing in the end as I gather petty theft is rife amongst bored preteen/teens so she will be put off

Hi all,

Well took your advice and have just come back from Ikea at the metrocentre, thought its about time I start to spend some money to make this rental look homely. Other than beds and a sofa, its the first things I have bought.

Im thinking of going shabby chic in the bedroom, totally different to what I have in my 'own' house. My dh was very much modern and minimalistic which I always felt was cold and uninviting. Plenty of pinks and maybe some pathwork too- ohh theres a thought if i can get my sewing machine back from my house, maybe i could take on a quilting project- hmmmm

Yeah, I didnt contact him, gonna try and put up some flatpack and speak to you ladies tonight.xx PS keep thinking that for some dillusional reasons a flower delivery has been attempted each time i go out (stupid stupid)

Fairy, nice to hear from you. It sound like your going through the mill at the moment, glad you found the site, ive met some loverly ladies on here that have been so supportive, i really dont know if i could have done it without them.

You gotta take each day as it comes and give yourself a pat on the back when it comes to bedtime- dont even think about the future, it will happen eventually .

Sorry I dont know your story, are things over with your dh? has he moved out?

When things get too much for me, i come and post, it keeps me sane (just about)Dont worry about regular eating, just as long as you eat something- the weight loss is one of the plushes of going through this- saying that I did eat doughnuts from Ikea!!! But still cant eat meals.

Keep your chin up and remember baby steps xx

Hey Crazee - not another geordie on here?!! Very excited that there might be a fellow dumpling in the vicinity! :)

You may have fat on you lovely Fairy but even when I didn't eat enough it affected my milk supply and I was a healthy size 18 when breastfeeding Try and eat what you can, even if it is cake or cereal or baked potatoes.

I've run some errands today and ex h came to see kids.

Crazee sounds lush, grab your sewing machine, lovely idea and something to keep you busy x

Ladies I am fuming just found out the dh has sold my television on ebay ...

FFS- i think im going to have to go and get my things from the house asap...

Just need to work up the courage ... feel like going round now but realistically cant get alot in my little car and would need to make another trip - only want to do this once.

What a TW*T !!!!!

Well he better give you the money. Any male friends/ brothers who can come along? Then you can fill their car too

I wont get the money from him, but dont forget only I have hold of our savings account and shares- I might have to go and buy myself a new one

Can you believe the cheek of it, im stunned. I do have a couple of very unpleasant brothers when they want to be but to be honest I dont want to involve him (I still love my dh- I wish I didnt)

Well one of my brothers managed to help me move my stuff out without beginning a fight with my h for cheating on me, but he did have to try hard to keep his cool

Good point about the savings but try and retain your dignity and not spend the lot

Ohhh how tempting would that be....

Well like my dd has just said its only a TV and shes right. To him it means the world- hes gotta have the best of everything, but to me a tv is a tv... At least this rental is peaceful and i can lock the door and cant even watch my smaller less sophisticated tv if i like

Ok - I'm just trying to put boys to bed, which involves reading about 300 pages of The Lion the Witch and the Warbrobe followed by a chapter of a very giggly book called The 100 mile an hour dog. So that should take me til 10 :) then I'm going to come back on and have a chat to you all. Crazee - you're already doing really well, you know. I really feel for you - I have read your original thread and you poor soul - there is just no closure, no apparent explanation for his very disturbing behaviour and yet you have had to make the first move without even knowing why you are having to do it. I'm so sorry. You are doing so well to even be thinking about Ikea, let alone patchwork quilts! I live in Northumberland - where are you from? It's exciting to have someone else from the north east on here (don't worry btw, I'm not going to stalk you - too busy looking at my exbf on facebook - although if Tea's there - I'm about to delete him I promise )
Hey, Tea - just seen your photos. What a gorgeous dumpling you are and lovely lovely little ones! x

thanks Googoo, my two have been in bed since 6.30pm. I love the fact that they're both so small and need their sleep. Tis lush!

Your girl is so wise bless her crazee.

Tea - I agree with goo about your lovely photos

craze-I would go and collect your stuff asap,these men folk are strange unpredictable creatures,am not talking about just things that are worth money,mean more of the things that have sentimental value photos,jewlwry etc,
Not a lot to tell story wise,H left 3 days ago saying had enough,things had been a bit crap the last 6 months,but i had other things to take my time up my mums untreatable cancer,ds2 who has challenging behaviour starting school,i thought he understood but obviously not.
have managed to nibble a bit of food,after feeling very faint and incapable of looking after my daughter earlier after her accident i realised i may not want to look after myself but i need to so i can look after my kids

Good for your fairy - I have been like that re food many times but things always seem slightly easier when you've eaten something. My faves when I've got a "closed" tummy are toast and peanut butter or a cheese sandwich and soup :) So sorry about your H. Unfortunately he sounds like every other H or exh or exbf or exp on this thread - a completely selfish wally. And I'm very sorry about your mum. x

Crazee - in the book I'm reading about breakups at the moment it says you should get a friend to pick up stuff from the house, as you should have as little contact as possible especially in the first two months, so that you can wean yourself off the person. I think that this would be a good idea in your case. Ask your brothers to help - your ex isn't going to make a fuss when they're around and I'm sure that if you asked them to play it cool they would. You should read this book - I've found it very useful It's Called a Break up because it's Broken. Just about to read I Can Help Mend your Broken Heart by Paul McKenna - it looks good too. Never read a self help book in my life, but bloody hell I'm going for it now. NO man is going to make me feel like shit this year!