Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 11

[Teaandchristmascakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

[shocked]

Kate ring child maintenance options, go through everything and then if you're sure they'll patch you through to the CSA to begin a claim. You should get 20% of his earnings for the kids. They can take it from his wage packet before it hits his bank account

I've now begun a claim through the CSA as my H was so haphazard in support. But then seemed to have money for all sorts of things

Clouded - yes I do recommend ADs and they can change the ones you're on if they do not suit you. You just return to the GP. They take about 4 weeks to really begin to work. They lower the dosage slowly when they think you're ready to come off them, so it's gradual, as long you have regular appointments with your GP they're great. And the GP can refer you to counseling or you can find someone privately.

Yep I'm fierce on bedtimes and have always worked hard on nap routines and bedtimes and they both behave better for it and sleep well.

Off to my eldest brother and his wives today for a few days so may not get online much so happy new year my lovely dumplings x

Oh Crazee try to assume it's your DD or he had too much to drink and rang, rather than get your hopes up, sorry that sounds so negative doesn't it, I just don't want you to spend lots of time of thinking and getting your hopes up to have them dashed.

Sorry tea, cant help it. I just cant get this man out of my head. Hes always there, when i wake, during the day and when i go to bed- dont know whats wrong with me.

I hate NYE too, brings back lots of memories of my grandad that i lost - have always avoided it. Im frightened ...

I'm sure Googoo will set up a silly thread for tonight to keep your mind off things.

It's hard to get him out of your head though because of everything. I sooo should be packing

Hi Sov - so glad you admit to getting stressed too - makes me feel less bad! You are amazing getting 4 kids into bed by 7.30 :) The book is called "I Can Mend your Broken Heart" - I think it would be good for Crazee too, as it is meant to help you with obssessive thoughts about ex (which I have and am desperate to ecape from!) Every morning I have a slight panic (mind you much less of a panic than I used to have) about the fact that I will never again see his beautiful side ouf the county - I loved it and his village so much but I know I can never go back there because of him. Never mind, there are a lot of other beautiful places in this world :)
Sov - I'm on Citalopram and they help immensely. I started on 20mg but they made me very sluggish so I went down to 10mg for a month and went back up to 20mg and now there are no side effects. I find that they just smooth out some of my more extreme feelings and I also find that they make me less angry - but I don't feel "drugged" if you see what I mean.
Tea - have a great time this weekend love. I will try and set up a silly thread for tonight for all of us who are going to be on our own and in. Oh, bring it on! I'm going to face the tears and sadness full on then start the new year calmly and with serenity!

And Kate - your ex is living in dreamland re maintenance. Get onto CSA pronto!

I'm on Flouextine (sp?) 20mg so different but very good.

Still haven't begun packing but the kitchen is clean now and everything washed up. I don't like coming back to a messy house when I've been away

clouded you definatly need to take it easy on yourself,your baby is still young so if your mum wants to help let her.My dd2 is 16 months and still wakes in night for feed infact i need to sort her bed time routine out from tomorrow onwards as it has just gone to pot,i take her up to bed at 8ish AS normal and she would normally have a quick feed get sleepy then go in her cot but have not been settling till 10pm then last night was feeding constantly from 2-5am not sure if she is picking up on the stress or my milk supply is suffering due to stress.I would not survive if it was not for my elder 2 helping with the little 2,i am sure in time you will need your mum less but for now enjoy,your mum sounds a star !
Am reading all the talk about AD with intrest had thought off going before now but was not sure with still bfeeding.
Feeling slightly better today not sure if this is for the wrong reasons,H was texting last night saying how much he missed kids,nothing about me but i have still managed to kid myself that means he cares about me.Also heard from a friend who had chucked her H out over xmas which made me think if she can do it i can,as she has so much more to deal with then me ,i also thought oooo drinking /going out partner for the distant future

tea-have a lovely couple of days away

Hello everyone I am off to my dumpling cousins in a minute so I will wish you all a very Happy New Year now as I wont be around now.

2011 will be a better year for us all heres hoping anyway

Hi Fairy and welcome to our thread, your still very very early in so just take it hour by hour hun, would you like to share a bit more information on your story or do you have a thread?
I too have 4 DC, 3 boys and 1 girl aged 7,3,2 and 11 months, my youngest is the girl, so i know how hard it can be and Goo i'm surprised i'm not bald with my DC lol some days will always be better than others but thats par of the course when raising DC and Tea my DC sleep well because of bedtime routine but are certainly not better behaved for it lol

Am off out tonight as i usually stay in with X and dont want to sit here wallowing in self pity, instead i'm going out to get wankered :o

Am going to wish everyone a Happy New Year now for those who will not be back later and i hope with all my heart that the year to come is happier for each and everyone of us

After the last couple of months, with ex treating me like a strager, yet still very happy to tell me how wonderful his new life is with OW, I am so glad 2010 is coming to an end. I really don't think 2011 could possibly be as bad. I am no longer going to be shouted at/criticised/accused of things I have'nt done etc. Just need the confidence now to do it!

Hi all sorry I keep disappearing - I'm just so tired by the time dd goes to bed in the evening that I only have the energy to lurk.

Wanted to post earlier to goat and anyone chastising themselves for still wanting to text/get back with their xh's - that I folded too - even after he told me he'd fallen in love with OW I actually texted him to say I loved him so much I'd rather he was happy with someone else than unhappy with me. It's bollocks of course. He's been with her for two days now as she's back from a family Christmas (they had their post-Christmas special love in last night)and it really hurts.

But,fuck it and fuck him. I went out and bought myself a netbook (thanks to my lovely sister's generosity) as he's taking back the computer, so that at least I'll be able to join in more on here - it was either sit in a really drafty room before or try and type on my phone which I'm rubbish at.

Have made him stay in and babysit tonight on his own here- have to think of somewhere to go now! I just was determined he wasn't going to be kissing her at midnight and celebrating 2011. This is going to be my year! I hope

make I DID the same -sent him a long email about how she was stupid if she didn't want him - and how even if I found someone else, they would never match up.

FFS bangs head on laptop!

How I wish I could take back that email...and say actually she's vile, you're a twat so you're well suited!

(To be fair - I did actually send that one eventually )

Off to the Midlands for NYE in a bit - getting the train down and going to be away from home all weekend.

He's just picked the kids up - I handed them over in my size 8 (was 14 before divorce diet!) little black dress, red lippy, tights and knee high boots.

"Have a nice time" he mumbled as he got the girls in the car

"I Bloody will! esp not spending it with you, you cheating arsewipe" I wanted to shout

Of course, looking fantastic and being serene..I just sprinkled the FU attitude over him and wished him well :)

Hi all - have just spent forever ctahcing up and feel like I still haven't taken much in!! i did have plans tonight to see a friend but she's poorly so am staying in feeling sorry for myself! Plus DD is very poorly so probably better I'm here just in case.

Well done on looking fab for the pick up kate - it's nice to show em what they're missing - although the only thing about me that'll ever be size 8 is my feet
Agree H is in lala-land re maintainence. 20% of earnings - there's an online calculator on CSA site for you to use too.

make - well done on getting XH to babysit tonight. Mine won't do overnight here as it's unfair on BB!! Seriously - what a twunt! Surely DD should come first, but he doesn't accept that 14 months is too young to be in a strange place overnight without mummy. Have said if he really wants DD overnight in future she needs to get used to seeing him alone, then a nights at home with him, then EVENTUALLY days, then nights elsewhere. Seriously she is so young ffs!!! Hope you find somewhere nice to go tonight.

clouded - don't bat an eyelid about having your mum for support. I have my DF living with me - he does occassional nights when DD wakes ill/teething. He does lots of mornings as he's an early bird. He plays with her while I cry talk to friends on the phone. He's even with her now while I mn mope upstairs with my swollen glands, feeling sorry for myself. He cooks dinner for us most nights and is generally my helper most of the day. I still have melt downs and can't cope. It's hard being left carrying the load, I have too much in my head and too much pain in my heart to do it solo. I rely on friends to listen and DF to help out. The are no medals or prizes for who copes best. I get loads of help with ONE dd. There are other supermum dumplings on here who do it all alone with 2,3,4 DC. We're all doing our best and I'm sure most of us would accept the help if we were lucky enough to get it.

Have fun tonight sov, tea, getting

fairy - now how uplifting those texts can be - don't want to rain on your parade but it is for the wrong reasons. FACT is if they really missed and cared for DC and US they would be HERE not with BB! Sorry for your friend but glad you might get a drinking buddy

crazee - I know you're getting your hopes up but HONESTLY - if he rang and said sorry I want you back - would you be able to? I did get back with XH when he left first time but tbh (even though we had glorious moments) it took the shine off things. Never really forgave him for leaving me when I needed him most (3 month old baby and PND). In a way I wish I had realised then what a selfish twunt he was and that he wasn't worth all this. Know I folded the other day and said I missed him. So many lovely dumplings are right that it's not really him, it's the idea, the old him, the good times.

goo - good luck tonight - no village is worth your tears. Can you add me to see your pics?

Happy new year all xx

goat-yes i know ,but i still managed to make a complete fool out of myself today ,texting him asking if there was anything i could do to make him come home,i am such an idiot,sicken myself with my desperation,of course he did not reply.Am really rubish with numbers so am thinking if i just delete his number from my phone and i cant then text him but the eldest 2 would still have his number if need it in an emergancy.
Am feeling crap now the day has gone on,we were going to a party tonight but i cant face going on my own and having to explain to everyone why H is not there.I am very stressed with the kids,keep wandering off to tidy to get away from them,the elder 2 are being so great i feel awfull for taking it out on them but cant help it,its going to be a long night.
kate well done for looking hot and dignified,how long did it take you to drop 3 dress sizes?not that it is a good way ,just know it would be a plus side of all this crap.

fairy - you are NOT a fool. Your feelings for him were real and genuine and he shat on them. You want him back cos of all the reasons we're all going thru/have been thru. (I don't know your story but can almost guarantee I'm right in those comments. Have you done your own thread, could you link or maybe give brief run down?)
I would delete his number - be your own friend now and save yourself extra heartache. Don't worry about your older 2 DC - am sure they know you love them - ffs YOU are the one still there and that will not go unnoticed by them, now and in years to come. You and your DC are a team - be there for each other. Ok, you're the adult and I wouldn't advocate involving them but they can help & love mummy.
I know now - from begging texting myself- that XH gets a buzz out of knowing I want him back - in his sick mind he can't be all bad if I still want him. Tbh - I just don't wanna be alone - reality was I might as well have been sometimes for all the help he was. Even when he 'made an effort' sometimes i loved it but felt sad as I knew it wouldn't last.

Hi all. Well, here I am, on my own, ready to face New Year's Eve like a top dumpling! Goat - you're right love - not worth crying over a village and countryside!
Fairy - you have to go through that before you can move on. Give yourself a break - you're knackered and you loved your ex because you are a good person and it takes time, time, time for the heart to catch up with the head. I would delete his number because then it will be much harder to text from the kids' phones but you still have it in case of an emergency. And remember, saying I love you is not an emergency :)
Hi Bermie - welcome from us all. You sound like I did when I split from exh - loads of relief mixed in with the sadness because there was to be no more verbal abuse. Good on oyu for finding a positive angle on it all and keep posting.
Goat - will add you to friends so you can see pics. Listen, I'm in tonight too so we could put some songs on here to dance to...and anyone else who is in can enjoy the party too!
Hope the dumplings who are going out tonight have a great time. Good on you Sov - nice to see you're getting out. Kate - foxy lady, well done!
Hi Makedo - nice to have you back - go out and enjoy yourself tonight.
Clouded - hope you are having a better day today.

Fairy, do delete his number- honestly its for the best . We have all contacted 'them' and begged them to come back and we always regret it afterwards. He hasnt given me his new mobile number, yet allows dd to text me from it- so i could save it but i refuse to and actually delete messages from that number as soon as i get them. He knows i could text him anytime i want to and yet i feel smug knowing that i havnt needed to and am leaving him alone like he asked.

What i did on the 1st december was sent him a final email- stating that i loved him and didnt want to separate and yet i respected his request for space and told him i only wanted him bak if we could work on fixing our relationship and didnt want him to make a pressurised or emotive response, signed take care with a xxx.

He didnt respond, but i vowed not to contact him again and i havnt, its been damn hard, but you gotta keep thinking that they can only hurt us if we let them. Ive told my dh i love him and want him back aand to be honest its no longer my decision- if he wants me he knows where i am, if not i am slowly detaching..

TBH my heart says yes i want him back and yet my brain says, i probs cant trust him not to hurt me again and. Older dd would only put a spanner in the works and tell me he was up to allsorts when we were separated, so what would be the point

Crazee - is older DD living with him? You have 2 DDs or is one your stepdaughter?

Hi goo, I have 2 dds. The older has decided to stay with him, i have the younger dd with me . I live in Durham so not quite a geordie!!

am stepping away from the phone,not quite strong enough to delete but if i txt him again today i am not aloud any more wine ,this is what i have told myself.Like you say he knows i want him back ,these texts are just making me look desperate and that is not attractive,lol at i love you is not an emergency.
Not a lot to tell goat we have always had an up down relationship,he left me once before but came back after 2 months,have had a very stressful year mother diagnosed with advanced cancer ,ds2 who has challenging behaviour starting reception which has been just awful,thought my marriage would just plod along and he understood obviously not,has been very detached last couple of months,lock on phone ,always on silent ,hidden etc ,then announces 4 days ago that he had enough and was off,said didnt love me,i suspect there is more too it and in time it will come out.I now have to give up work,not sure whats gonna happen with the house etc,to be honest it was not a great marriage he seemed to resent us all the time,treated me like crap and was very volatile towards our ds2,i am just so scared of being on my own as i have got so much to deal with with my mum.
Your right we have to pull together as a little team,my oldest ds even said "its not like we are going to miss him he was never here and when he was he never did anything and was always moody " should just hold onto that thought.Now onto the wine ...

Googoo - your profile and photos are lovely, your boys look delightful, and you look beautiful and very young, thanks for adding me so I could see them.

Crazee - well done for the no contact, you sound like you are doing really well.

I am doing terribly at the moment, I havent been this low since October, the feelings of not wanting to live have resurfaced and am trying very hard just to get through each day. I am so tearful it is pathetic. Even my exH is worried about me, popped in to see my yesterday and phones today plus texted! I suppose it doesnt help that I received a few texts from DH yesterday:- "I love you, always have and always will. Never wanted to hurt you darling, you will always be the best friend in the world. I will try and help answer the questions" and "If you dont believe anything I say, please believe 2 things I will always love you and I do want to help you so much, I promise you this" and can anyone explain what this one means "Always loving you is a fact, guarantee, not a promise. Helping you is something love will dictate. I dont know how else to explain" googoo maybe you can decipher that one being a school teacher. I know he is messing with my head big time, Im just too weak and sad to help myself, maybe I like torturing myself!!!

I am on new ADs as citalopram didnt seem to be working for me, so maybe that is another reason I feel so low.

Happy New Year to all dumplings, hope its a better year for us all.

Oh and just realised I have lost my debit card today!! oh bugger I really am useless at the moment.

Tea, just looked at your profile page, wow what amazing pictures of your children, its lovely to put a face to the name. You are so young and yet give such incredible advice, you should go into counselling. Happy New Year to you.

bloody hell romney your H really is not helping you that would send me insane,at least my H is giving me a clear message,i just dont want to hear it.Sounds like yr exdh is being a good help.
ok tunes on,wine glass full,munchies in oven,off to watch kids play twister,should be funny,he may be enjoying the peace in bedsit land but i will be short of a laugh with my little monsters for company !