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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

On the brink

271 replies

blackcoffee · 28/09/2005 13:20

dp and I are having a really really bad patch. I think it is probably the end but, having been quite resolute to leave, I am now at the sentimental dithering stage. The trigger was an unprovoked verbal attack on me in front of ds which I found unforgiveable. He tried to brush it under the carpet but I wouldn't let that happen and during a second episode said some quite unforgiveable things to him as well. He is not speaking to me or ds at all, he stays in the pub til closing time and then sleeps in the spare room, or stays away (often away on business). This has gone on for over two weeks. My friend saw him drunk on sat night and he told her we were arguing (he usually tries to keep a good public face). He has not paid his contribution to ds nursery fees this month. I told myself I could sit this out until the baby comes (28 weeks preg) but he seems to be surviving on the regime of work/pub while I am beginning to crack up. I know I can leave but a big part of me wants to try and repair this dreadful situation at least for ds if not for myself. Just don't know how.

OP posts:
awayninahmanger · 07/12/2005 16:58

oi NAAMC - less of the VERY SOON!
My sols say CSA rate = 20% his net income, I have no idea what this is but higher rate tax payer, real fig anywhere £80Kish plus (I am currently £16Kish lol) but declared rate anyone's guess. V sceptical about whether they can collect, so makng plans on assumption they won't - then anything else is a bonus. It mystifies me how someone who is so comfortably off can be so mean with their offspring, hey ho -dss is in a council house, and p picks him up in a 40K car. Bet he spends more than I earn just in the pub. GRRRRRR!
Will let you know how the house hunt goes. xxxx

glitterfairy · 08/12/2005 08:02

Hiya Ninah. How are you? You sound as though you are getting the details sorted out now. Hope everything is a little better now you are clear abotu what is happening. let me know.

NotActuallyAMotherChristmas · 16/12/2005 13:42

ninah how are you? I know you've finished work now, don't know if you can come on here from home

Hope you're OK, thinking about you xx

awayninahmanger · 17/12/2005 12:19

hello you two! thanks for asking I am alright!
Just counting down the days til I can start again. Did I tell you the househunting trip was fab, found a house of my dreams (well it will depend on mine going etc but it's nice to know they do exist out there). Ds and I really bonded and everyone said how happy he seemed and well behaved etc, this is after just two days away from our situation. We had a lovely time.
Last day at work was fantastic, all my friends had clubbed together secretly to get me some baby stuff (the practical stuff including shampoo and breast pads!) which I really wasn't expecting, and the whole Dept had a collection!. P still being an aXX out all hours drinking. Haven't made plans to go to dad's cos he's in hosp for observation and not sure when he'll be out - I reckon I'll go to friends for Xmas Eve/Day instead of hanging around here waiting for p to put in a drunken appearance in the early hours before going back to the pub (he ahs agreed to work behind the bar of his local on Xmas Day cos 'there's no one else to do it'!). P has taken ds to get dss atm, is going on about buying a tree etc the last of my patience with playing happy families as suits him has gone down the drain though, sadly. I'll pull out all the stops next year when we're out of here but it all feels like a big act of hypocrisy atm.
Hope you are OK gf and the nativity stuff wasn't too upsetting. Only a week or so now and it will be over, next Xmas will be a LOT better. I have set up hotmail address now so I'll CAT you and hope this time it works. You too NAAM if you're up for it!
I have also put this on the antenatal thread but want your views - do you like the name Arianna?
Oh - a weird thing happened last night this friend I've had for ages and who has been a big support told me he was in lurve with me ... far too soon for me to be thinking about anything like this, and I told him so. Luckily he is such an old friend it won't cause awkwardness - but I have to admit it was quite flattering and cheered me up a bit, I know that's shallow of me.

awayninahmanger · 17/12/2005 12:25

cat not working gf have you changed name it's prob this Xmas stuff will try again later x

glitterfairyonachristmastree · 17/12/2005 15:05

HIya ninah wow that is lovely to recieve that attention and even if not returned now it is always a good ego boost.

Everything is pretty awful here apart from my wonderful kids who are brilliant. Will post a bit of it on my thread but cant say too much.

NotActuallyAMotherChristmas · 21/12/2005 08:34

Hi ninah

Well done for pulling already Seriously, no I don't think that's shallow of you at all to be flattered by it - who wouldn't be??

Really hope you and your ds can find somewhere to go for Christmas

I've just bought my own laptop for home so I'll CAT you in the new year when I've got my own e-mail address

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas, I've said this before - 2006 will be your year xx

Really, really hope everything goes well for you, be strong - I'll be thinking of you xx

Squirrel3Kings · 21/12/2005 08:49

Ninah, I'm so glad that you had a few days without your P and realised how happy you and your children are going to be without him. I hope that you find somewhere nice to go for Christmas (especially as you are due that day!)

Not long to wait until babe is born. Roll on the New Year and a new start for you.

I think the name Arianna is beautiful.

awayninahmanger · 21/12/2005 20:10

hello all just checking in quickly from p's old computer. Still at p's cos dad has been in hosp for observation, out now but on a special (non festive diet) we are going to have a delayed Xmas together in Jan/Feb
However things have been OK here, have been using first week of mat leave to visit friends, chill out, write the odd card ...
gf I will try to cat you again under your Xmas name but sending you best wishes. NAAM when you cat me you'll get an old virgin address that no longer works cos so once all the baby/Xmas stuff I'll cat you and add on the new one. Glad you like the name, and thanks for all your support - you too squirrel!

glitterfairyonachristmastree · 23/12/2005 18:09

NInah have a great Christmas and I will email you! You sound relaly good at the moment so take care and look after yourself.

awayninahmanger · 23/12/2005 22:29

you too gf! no hurries, no worries, it sounds like you have plenty on your plate atm - but you sound strong enough to cope, and some.
Have a lovely Xmas and keep in touch

NotActuallyAMotherChristmas · 24/12/2005 21:19

Hello ninah

Just checking in on dsd's laptop - still not got mine sorted yet....

Hope everything goes well for you, I'll be in touch in the New Year

Thinking of you xx

Squirrel3Kings · 28/12/2005 13:12

Hello Ninah, hasn't that baby arrived yet! I keep checking the birth anouncement threads and where are you?

Only joking, I am thinking of you. Hope you had a nice, peaceful Christmas.

awayninahmanger · 31/12/2005 21:49

Squirrel you are psychic cos later on the very day you posted (well 11.20pm) I gave birth to a baby girl, 8lb 10 oz and very gorgeous, happy natured, affectionate, so lovely! haven't quite decided on name but will probably be Arianna/Ariana Jennifer.
P has been behaving himself although is v tied up with work etc and I have had my hands full with ds and dd so hardly on here, just wanted to let you, NAAM and gf know and this seemed the best way! I never thought of doing a birth announcement (partly cos name not decided ) now you mention it I will do one shortly.
Despite the fact that p has behaved like a rotter I can also see now that the pregnancy really dragged me down, now it's over I feel SOO much healthier happier and more confident and I am looking forward to a great 2006 with my family. Ds is finding it a bit hard to shake down but I know we'll be a great team, the three of us all cuddled up on the settee last night it was magic. Anyway just posting in brief to say THANK YOU For being there when I needed support, and to let you know how very happy and lucky I feel with my babies. Happy New Year! xxxx
Oh and squirrel - you CAN say 'I told you so' if you like!

Squirrel3Kings · 01/01/2006 06:31

That is wonderful news, you really have made my New Year with that announcement!

Oh, I am such a silly cow, I've got tears rolling down my face, such lovely news.

Happy 2006 Ninah!

newglitterfairyyear · 02/01/2006 09:42

Ninah have just seen this. Well done and congratulations. I am so pleased take care of yourself and Happy New Year!

NotActuallyAMum · 03/01/2006 09:34

ninah

So, so pleased for you and your children - many congratulations

You don't have to say thank you - we all come on here for support in one way or another

NotActuallyAMum · 19/01/2006 16:34

ninah how are you?

Thinking about you, hope you're OK and happy

Squirrel3 · 19/01/2006 16:59

Do you know what that is spooky NAAM, I came to this thread to say the same thing!

Ninah, I hope you and the children are well.

Thinking of you.

{a great big cuddle for the baby from me}

awayninahmanger · 25/01/2006 10:32

hellooo! Life has been Hectic with baby and 3 year old so I have been away from mn for a record time! at dad's at the mo catching up. P still being his usual self - he has had shoulder op so I've been trying to be kind and helpful, and to live in a civilised environment while waiting for house to go - but challenging ... At weekend he bought dss lunch on his own, ds was gutted, I was furious! So still in limbo at the mo, nothing new to report really (children still a delight, p a pain). some viewings of house just need an offer - the one I like still on market, fingers x-ed
Will keep in touch, but really have had no spare time for internet, all the spare time I have atm goes on choc and sleep (baby still breast feeding and has a collosal appetite, I swear you can see her inflating!) xxxx ninah

NotActuallyAMum · 25/01/2006 10:51

Lovely to hear from you ninah

Really hope you sell your house soon and you can still get the one you want

Do keep in touch when you can

Hugs to you and your children

xxx

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