if life gives you lemons make lemonade - fantastic, mh, I keep forgetting that one!
Thank you very much :) Dying to hear how your igloo turns out!
Bookcase, I think that's the thing which got in the way of my 'acceptance' for so long - Mum has no ability to analyse herself. She doesn't even know that she switches from sweet to rage; the rages occur from one of her other parts (her Adult Child, is my guess) and she really has no idea she does it. Her current partner is a really nice guy - not perfect, but 'normal' iykwim - and, I'm sorry to say, we have a special look between us when one of Mum's less-public sides emerges!
I am sad that I'll never know if Mum could have been 100% her batty-but-sweet side, if he hadn't married my psychopath of a father. No sense crying over spilt milk, etc ... She is what she is and, as you say, it works when I expect less.
MH, everything you've written about your realtionship with your mother sings of maturity & compassion. You really couldn't have her in your kitchen every day, poisoning your kids' (already messed-with) minds with all her rules and contradictions. One of my SILs decided that my mum should never be left alone with her DCs - and she was right. Children are so impressionable and, as Berne keeps saying, problems originate with the grandmother!
I think you've done amazing work with your mum. If she actually follows through with her therapy, I may have to eat my woolly hat - but, boy, do I respect you for getting this far :)
ftp I love your posts and thank you for today's :)
When people who are supposed to be close to you act out, I've always found it helpful to ask: "Would you accept this from a neighbour, a shop assistant or a stranger?" Obviously the insults from your sister and mother are way out of order. You def wouldn't take that from a passer-by, so that's even less reason to take it from your so-called 'family'.
I hope you'll carry on posting, if you find it helpful.