Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

"But we took you to Statley Homes" Dysfunctional families thread

1000 replies

MummieHunnie · 15/12/2010 13:15

Forerunning threads:
December 2007
March 2008
August 2008
February 2009
May 2009
January 2010
April 2010
August 2010

Please check later posts in this thread for links & quotes. The main thing is: "they did do it to you" - and you can recover.

OP posts:
MummieHunnie · 19/12/2010 20:11

Eric Berne "The games people play" I am gald the post helped Hon x

OP posts:
GraceAwayInAManger · 19/12/2010 20:12

oops, sorry, Hon, clearly not Paris.

MummieHunnie · 19/12/2010 20:13

Grace, that makes me feel horrible about myself now, oh dear, how selfish of me really, it was all about me protecting me and my dc and if i am perfectly honnest I knew it was hurting her, and I felt our feelings and needs came first... Urm lots to think about, I have not read the links as it will make me feel really bad and I don't want to right now, thanks Grace x

OP posts:
findingthepath · 19/12/2010 20:17

Hi everyone, welcome tt,

Sorry about the delay HL hopefull you will fly out tomoro and have a great time Smile

Pm sorry you feel like that but i think you are doing great. You can build new memiories and know that they are real and i'm sure your kids had a great time. You sound like a great mum Smile

Bookcase i feel just like you, i hate given my opioin most of the time people are just mean back to me so i dont bother very often. In fact yeasterday peg called me Vile and unpleasent. I wanted to not come back to this fourm and that she was right and how can anyone like my opioin or what i have to say. I showed the thread to DH and he said she was wrong and convinced me that i have a valued point.

But i dout (sp?) myself all the time. I think i'm damaged due to what happened to me and how i grow up and that i am so different to "normal" people that they all think i'm nuts Sad

On a more positive note my mum has flu so everything has been quite for the past few days. I have told her to go to doctors and to take tablets and go to bed (my Daughterly dute) now i can relax and have a good xmas.

On a -ive note my sister i have gone NC with has sent us a card and a gift for my son. So as i'm feeling xmasy i have sent her one back. I still dont have her number and i dont want it and i kind of feel like - you said horrible things you didn't help me you said things on 3 different occations you called me up on the phone and shouted at me, you had a shouting match in front of my 12 month old and scared him. I dont want to know you.

I would have perfer nc with her but then i think i need to be reasonable and let her say sorry but a part of my just thinks its too much, i've had enough, i dont want to know her but i dont have the guts not to send her the card.

I'm a wuss

findingthepath · 19/12/2010 20:37

Maybe i should say that the fights were about me not being able to look after my son (i can by the way), that i am over weight and that i need to go on a diet, that my relationship with my husband is wrong and that i'm a lier and that i need to get devoice, move back home, let my mum raise my son and be a single pearent in a council house. Just like her.

She is Envy as my DH wants to be a dad to our son and that he is intrested in our son and that he loves me to the moon and back.

My Nethew father is not on the birth cert, does not pay maintaince and wants nothing to do with him but he still wants to sleep with my sister when he wants too. What type of father turns up at 10.30 at night to see his 4 year old son!

I keep my thouts to my self and i have never said what i tthink to her. I have asked her not to tell me about him or there relationship as i do not want to know. She will ask my opioin then hate me for giving it. There is just no point.

Her xp has cancer and is ill, i do not know if that is true or not but she has told her son this. I think she is being hard on her son but i have not said anything to her about it but she takes her frustration of this situation out on me.

I'm her punch bag, just like i'm everyone else in my family Sad

BookcaseFullofBooks · 19/12/2010 20:44

Grace. I found I had to change my perceptions too. Once I stopped trying to turn her into something she wasn't, I came to expect less of her. She does frustrate me so much still though. She sets herself up as victim and and has no ability to analyse her behaviour. I really don't understand my relationship with my mum but I know I don't enjoy it.

I hope you are able to go on your holiday honolulu. I found having no contact with my mum really difficult because she was never really openly nasty and I feel sorry for her more than anything. The Eric Berne book is very good.

MH, just wanted to say, that your decision to have no contact to protect yourself and your children doesn't make you selfish. Don't feel bad x

BookcaseFullofBooks · 19/12/2010 20:51

A quick question. I've been thinking more about the past and what might have happened in my family that I don't have access to.
Has anyone read "Family Secrets: What you don't know can hurt you" by John Bradshaw?
I'm thinking of getting it but not sure if I should without therapy back-up.

honolulu · 19/12/2010 20:56

Agree MH that you are not selfish.

Everyone has to make the decision based on what's best for them. I was musing because I made an active decision to have contact with my mother after 3 years of none, and now I'm wondering if I can cope with the contact.

Also, as Grace says, there are degrees of toxicity. My mother was terrible abusive to me as a child, but isn't now.

I do want to stress Grace that I really don't think I still expect her to be the mother I want. Because she is so far from that, and I tell her so little, the idea is quite laughable. In short, I give her very little chance to be the mother that actually she wants to be. I've said before, she wants to take me out to lunch, she wants to help with the kids - I don't let her. I just know I can't have any intimacy with her. My condition for going contact again was her and I meeting to discuss our past issues. Although she listened and took some of it on board, she did still come out with gems like 'the problem was, I wasn't the mother for you and you weren't the daughter for me'. And then when I said the next day on the phone that that comment hurt me, she said: 'the problem with you is that you're so sensitive'. Hmm

Ever since our talk nearly 3 years ago I've been able to tolerate contact. But she still irritates the hell out of me, and I think part of the reason she's pissing me off now and I'm behaving unreasonably in response is that I'm stressed generally.

I do feel very angry that I don't and didn't have the mother I deserved though, and I'm not sure I'll ever get over that. Having therapy has allowed me to grieve for what i didn't have, as has having kids.

ftp How horrible that someone called you vile. You say 'peg', do you mean pag? If so, I can't say I'm terribly surprised. You are entitled to your opinion. I've had another MN 'elder' be all righteous at me before. It is hard, but you stand your guard and feel pity for them that they can't tolerate someone with a polar opposite opinion.

GraceAwayInAManger · 19/12/2010 21:10

if life gives you lemons make lemonade - fantastic, mh, I keep forgetting that one!
Thank you very much :) Dying to hear how your igloo turns out!

Bookcase, I think that's the thing which got in the way of my 'acceptance' for so long - Mum has no ability to analyse herself. She doesn't even know that she switches from sweet to rage; the rages occur from one of her other parts (her Adult Child, is my guess) and she really has no idea she does it. Her current partner is a really nice guy - not perfect, but 'normal' iykwim - and, I'm sorry to say, we have a special look between us when one of Mum's less-public sides emerges!

I am sad that I'll never know if Mum could have been 100% her batty-but-sweet side, if he hadn't married my psychopath of a father. No sense crying over spilt milk, etc ... She is what she is and, as you say, it works when I expect less.

MH, everything you've written about your realtionship with your mother sings of maturity & compassion. You really couldn't have her in your kitchen every day, poisoning your kids' (already messed-with) minds with all her rules and contradictions. One of my SILs decided that my mum should never be left alone with her DCs - and she was right. Children are so impressionable and, as Berne keeps saying, problems originate with the grandmother!

I think you've done amazing work with your mum. If she actually follows through with her therapy, I may have to eat my woolly hat - but, boy, do I respect you for getting this far :)

ftp I love your posts and thank you for today's :)
When people who are supposed to be close to you act out, I've always found it helpful to ask: "Would you accept this from a neighbour, a shop assistant or a stranger?" Obviously the insults from your sister and mother are way out of order. You def wouldn't take that from a passer-by, so that's even less reason to take it from your so-called 'family'.

I hope you'll carry on posting, if you find it helpful.

GraceAwayInAManger · 19/12/2010 21:16

Bookcase, I've read it and it didn't trigger anything. I felt a bit like a secret agent Wink - and did uncover a few secrets as a result, but not in any freaky ways. I'm all in favour of finding out more about yourself & what made you. IME, Bradshaw's approach fits neatly with Eric Berne's. One caveat, though: the exercises in Homecoming are incredibly powerful, and best done with support.

It's only a book. If it unearths too much for you at a time, you can put it away and do something soothing, then take whatever you learned at your own pace. Do you write a journal? I find it helps me figure stuff out - sometimes I surprise myself with what I wrote!

BookcaseFullofBooks · 19/12/2010 23:13

Thanks for that Grace. I used to write but my head feels so full of cotton wool at the moment and I get very overwhelmed with the jumble of thoughts going on in my head.

I don't have any support at the moment so it may be best to wait until I can get therapy. DH tries to help but he doesn't really understand and I can't keep expecting him to put his feelings on the back burner.

BookcaseFullofBooks · 20/12/2010 00:13

Sorry to post again. Feeling really awful suddenly - terribly frightened. I don't like going to bed at the best of times but just tried to get off to sleep and started to feel scared.
Anyone around to keep me company?

MummieHunnie · 20/12/2010 00:37

I am about for a little while

OP posts:
findingthepath · 20/12/2010 00:50

Hi Bookcase i can't sleep too tonight.

You still up?

BookcaseFullofBooks · 20/12/2010 00:52

Yeah, still up ftp.

findingthepath · 20/12/2010 00:54

I'm trying to lose weight and i have my weigh in um today but i haven't lost any weight in 5 weeks so i'm kind of worried about it. At least i haven't put any back on.

I hate being in the dark lying in bed trying not to make a sound and stuff going throu my head and i just can't turn it off.

findingthepath · 20/12/2010 00:58

I have issues regarding the dark.

Its stupid but when i was younger i sheared a bedroom with my brother and he used to tell me ghoste stories and my family kind of believe in that stuff.

Its hard to explaine and if i did then i think i would be commited Hmm

findingthepath · 20/12/2010 01:00

Whats your fav tv programme?

MummieHunnie · 20/12/2010 01:00

I used to feel like that as a child, I used to go up the stairs with my back to the wall, I hated the dark, there are nearly always lights on in this house at night, not always and even when it is dark here, I feel safe which I never did with my family of origin! Did anything happen in the dark to you?

OP posts:
BookcaseFullofBooks · 20/12/2010 01:04

No I don't like lying awake in the dark. I've had to get up and now I'm watching random tv programmes.

What weight loss group are you with? I've heard it can get to a point where weight plateaus. Do you think that has happened for you?

findingthepath · 20/12/2010 01:08

Not that i can remember i think i have blocked some of it out.

i remember lying in bed and hurting mostly my check bone and thinking that it didn't matter if anything else happened as i alreaady hurt so much.

I would be hit, kicked, smaked, punch and then have to sleep in the same room as the person who did that to me.

My brother had suvival knife, big ones that you use for fishing and hunting. I was never scared of him using them on me as my Dad always said "if you can't hit someone with your fist then dont hit them at all" i was more scared of me using them on him.

I have good reason to be scared of him still. I'm always scared of what he will do to his wife or child if he gets angry but i just cant get involved even if i said anything to her i am scared of what he would do to me and my family and he knows where i live. Thanks mum

findingthepath · 20/12/2010 01:12

I never retilated i never hit him back or protected myself and i'm so angry for that.

He has a shoot gun now and he goes shooting rabbits and stuff, i just can't believe the polic could let someone like him have a gun. But then the polic were never told. SS got involved thru the school but my mum talked to them and i still dont know what she said to them but they didn't investage anymore.

MummieHunnie · 20/12/2010 01:14

you are being heard x

OP posts:
BookcaseFullofBooks · 20/12/2010 01:18

I really struggle to remember alot of things from my childhood too ftp.

My stepdad would hold me against the wall and swear and spit at me. He would threaten alot of things like killing me in my sleep.

When I became a teenager I used to tell him to stop threatening and just bloody do it. The threats were the worst thing for me I think.

Mum and I used to put paracetamol in his food and I remember sitting at the top of the stairs, fighting the urge to stab him in the back.

findingthepath · 20/12/2010 01:19

I'm with a doctor Blush and no its just cos its xmas and i'm depressed and i have eaten lots of junk food and choclates Blush

I started counciling on the 23rd to help get my head around why i confront eat and how to stop. I learned a patten of behaviour when i was a teenage - eat food feel good get fat and the boys leave me alone = win/win.

I would get shouted at and belittled if i didn't finish the food my mum give me as she was depressed and eat a lot and she wanted company.

I'm trying to sort my life out and that means facing and accepting what happened to me and changing the way i behaviour cos of it. I kind of didn't want to face it before now but my DH makes me feel safe and i need to sort it out but i keep thinking how could they have done that and think it was ok?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.