"But we took you to Statley Homes" Dysfunctional families thread

[MummieHunnie]

Forerunning threads:
December 2007
March 2008
August 2008
February 2009
May 2009
January 2010
April 2010
August 2010

Please check later posts in this thread for links & quotes. The main thing is: "they did do it to you" - and you can recover.

That should be i'm starting counciling on 23rd this thursday

I am gathering it was your brother? I remember a former friend's brother did similar to her, I asked her if she thought someone did that to him? He was a womaniser and I wondered if he did that to prove he was a man so to speak to himself and the world?!

Was your Mum trying to get you to help her kill him? Why did she not just leave?

I'm glad you're starting counselling soon. I hope you find it helpful.
It's good that you have someone who makes you feel safe.

the worse thing i remember is being 5 years old and i had a temper tantrum as children do and my Dad shouting at my mum to make me stop and my brother hit me and then my mum took me in to the kitchen and said "I will give you something to cry about" And held me with one hand and smaked me with the other repeatedly for half an hour or more and all over my body and of cource i cried more and i screamed and when she had finished she throw me on the floor and steped over me and said "Thats it i'm finished with you, Fuck off"

I feel bad my husband is disabled, i think what attracted me is the fact he could never hit me and hurt he does not have the strenth in his arms.

It also helps that i think he is cute and i love his SOH and that he gets me - well some of the time

Oh ftp that's so awful. Are you able to comfort the 5 year old you somehow?

I'm not really sure MH. We were all so miserable so it's entirely possible. I've never truly understood why she wouldn't leave and it's the reason I'm so angry with her.

Have you discussed that was part of the attraction? I am attracted to men who are taller than be so that I don't feel huge, people are attracted to others for many reasons, I wouldn't feel bad really, unless you don't want your oh!

There is a photo of me when i was two and i had a scold on my arm. My Mum said i had touched her cup but tthere is no way that would have caused such an injery i think she must have held my arm to her cup or the teapot or fire.

I think she had PND or i hope she had to do the things she did.

When i was 7 i had to get myself up and ready for school and walk to school on my own. I can remeber not brushing my hair as the knotts hurt and i was 10 when my sister showed me how to brush my hair.

Its crazy what they did

Sorry ftp. I x-posted with you. I can understand you being attracted to your dh for that reason.

I went through that anger with Mother also why did she not leave, she did once, when I was five, we went to a refuge for a bit, she went back to him and never left again.

It showes how strange they were that they kept us in that situation with them, it was all about them, I also think there must have been some mental health issues for them to stay in that abuse, I often wonder about myself staying with my exh, the thing is I did not understand his type of abuse it was cleaver gaslighting/brainwashing high level emotional abuse, my parents were different, although I think there was a level with Mother of gaslighting now I understand it!

I hope you don't mind ftp but I can't remember whether you are still in touch with your mum or not?

I think i confort my self by knowing i'm not her and that she had wores done to her as a child and that i'm better than her, maybe stronger.

I have always known myself, i'm my own person if that makes sence.

I had to raise myself, she couldn't be my mum so i had to.

I think there were mh issues with my family too mh. At least, my stepdad was admitted to hospital and given a diagnosis of something it other.

My mum is of limited intelligence (if that doesn't sound too cruel) and never questioned the way he was treating her, or me. I imagine it must be really hard to leave someone if you're either used to being ill-treated or the abuse is insidious.

Do you want to elaborate on your Step father and what he did to you, bookcase?

Yep i call my mum everyday, i want to see if she will change, i think i'm obessed with it, i dont care about her and she knows it. I have told her she is a bad mum and what i think about what she did to me.

How can you care about someone who does not care about you. so i just dont but i dont lei about it either.

I also think its a form of hurasment to be called day or night just because her DD is bored and has free calls.

We are stuck in a loop she does not care about me i dont care about her but we still pretend to be mother and dauther.

When i call her to say im ill she will say "What do you want me to do i'm not a doctor" and hang up.

When she is ill i tell her to go to the doctors as she is old and might die.

i guess its game playing

it sounds like it is findingthepath x How do you think you could change things?

Are you obsessed with the drama of it, and the tit for tat hurting one another?

Apart from that i have no contact with thre rest of my family, they dont call me and i dont call them.

We did go and stay with my mum and dad about 2 times a year but now we have DS i dont want him in that place so we are not going to see them again.

Not the drama of it no.

I realy just want my mum to change into the mum i want her to be. I want her to see how i do it and co0pe me. I want her to care about me, i want her to be normal and i think that one day she will say or do something that will show me that she wants to be.

I think if i stop calling her then i'm giving up on making it right for me and i will have to greiv for the mum i never had.

She has said sorry and asked what i wanted from her when i was a teenager but i was angry and said i didn't know i've never had it and left the house.

I just feel like it happen so long ago and i have left home 10 years now that its pointless talking about it with them as they will not change.

Even when i was 7 i told them i was going to leave as soon as i could and not have contact with them again.

How come i was more clued up at 7 then i am at 28?

The time was not right for you when the time was right for your Mother, what is stopping you from discussing it with her now?

Books

How you doing now?

You still up?

He was a very controlling man mh. I really struggle to remember my early years but what I do remember is never being able to have friends over or go to their houses. As I grew up I wasn't allowed to paint my nails, wear make-up or get my ears pierced.

He would take the plug off of the washing machine and hoover so mum couldn't use them; locked the phone in the shed. I can only think he was obsessed with bills. Mum was hit if his dinner wasn't on the table or if she stayed out for too long.

There were other things that I still have images of but I can't be sure if it's him or my half-brother in the images. I get vivid dreams where I am being humiliated and hurt by someone and mum is standing by watching and laughing.

I sounds awful to be stuck in that vicious circle ftp. Maybe with counselling you will find ways of changing it.