"But we took you to Statley Homes" Dysfunctional families thread

[MummieHunnie]

Forerunning threads:
December 2007
March 2008
August 2008
February 2009
May 2009
January 2010
April 2010
August 2010

Please check later posts in this thread for links & quotes. The main thing is: "they did do it to you" - and you can recover.

If the illness isnt fake ...then its exagerated .

my ex-mother sent my brother to tell me she had been in hospital with suspected heart attack ....when questioned he admitted it was actually indegestion , but she did go to casualty with it.

what can you do ?

I feel guilty now. My mum had the flu and is68 years old and i think i have hurt her, as this is how a normal person would feel. I keep waiting for my sisters to call and have a go at me.

My husband thinks that it will give them time to think and make more of an effort on their part but i know they realy just dont care.

There will be no phone calls no letters and that will be it untill they want to see my son and then they will come see me and not tell me first.

My mum loved doing that, just turning up to see what my house was cleaned or not! Untill i told her i had to go out and that i was busy and she should have called first and i left her in my house with the key and left.

I just keep thinking how nice it would be to not know them and not have to worry about it and all the time and effort i could put into the things i like and need.

i know exactly what you mean. .

Finding she is probably really angry and feeling powerless, I am raging with anger and powerlessness right now and I have bad time acid rising in my throad from it, I could see how that could turn worse and make someone have such bad indegestion they would think they were having chest pains!

Do you want to tell why you are angry?

I have started a thread, which probably does not make much sense help please, don't want to make it clear in rl who I am!

I think i need to go back to gp and get some more sleeping pills

Goodnight

Well, tiz moving day.

Emotions all over the shop...both me and the DC's...best keep busy 'till it's all over me thinks.

Love to all xx

Just to say hope everyone survives this time of year, I have to be in presence in narc mother far too much and hope to come out the other end without more damage, last day I have computer access until back at work in January, so good luck to all, it's a funny time of year at best of times, hope everyone finds some peace xxxx

My story going back ages can be read on the toxic Dad thread.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/816671-Toxic-Dad-150-sorry-a-bit-complex

I thought I was coping all right but this morning it just seemed to get too much for me. I just feel so much hatred for my Dad that I am glad he is in prison.

He liked hurting me and humiliating me but worst of all he just loved forcing me to make almost impossible choices. He would offer me a reduction on the "tariff" (his word) if I was "sensible" (his word) or if I co-operated (his word again). What he meant and he just loved explaining it to me is that I would not be hit so hard or so often if you could punish me without a chaperone present and on my bare bottom. I never accepted the offer even when the reduction was 50%. Perhaps I should have accepted but it was all part of the battle of wills I suppose.

I had some dreadful sessions bent over the dinaing room table but I only cried out the one time when he cheated and used a cane rather than the belt.

How does a Dad get so twisted and disgusting?

Still here, Im ok bookcase grace thanks for asking . I just feel immeasurably sad. It is this time of year. I hate it.

droves I think you did the right thing with your dd. YOu sound like a lovely mum and your dd knows this.

ftp I think you have done the right thing cutting your family off. It doesnt have to be forever. It can be a period of time, to allow you to heal and emotionally detach.
droves is right they will follow the list she posted to at T.
The tricky part is seeing through it, because when you crave their love then this behaviour can be misconstrued as 'caring'.It isnt though, sadly.

littletrees hang on in there, soon you will be able to exhale.

Ive read a lot of stories on here which a so very sad I wish I could say something to make a difference, but I cant. Except sorry. Sorry you all had the misfortune to be be born into such toxicity.

They've gone.'Safe space' achieved.

Never said bye to me or DC's (their GC)...just loaded lorry and phoned me from new house to say they'd arrived.

Left knick-knacks that the DC's bought them in the garden...DC's asking why they didn't take them....I said they just forgot.

At least I've saved my DC's from any more hurt.

Thank feck it's over.

Hi Stately Homers,

haven't posted for a while as after the initial relief from posting I found myself fixating on my resentment a bit too much which wasn't doing me any good.

Christmas can be a tough time when you are dealing with, or are estranged from the toxic/ narcissistic/alcoholic etc parents and I for one am going to really try to relax and not rise to whatever (usually) comes my way!

So, just wanted to pop in and say have a good and peaceful Christmas xx

Hi everyone, read your posts, I don't have anything to add right now!

Going back to something Grace commented on a few times, about answering others posts and getting something to help move on from it, I have found one in particular very helpfull today regarding rescuing/victim/persecutor. I was thinking about how in denial I was and unawere I was in the past, and even still to a bit now, I did not realise until I was advising another that I had been in a drama triangle last night myself, all be it a small short drama, darn it!!! being dragged into a drama and adding to it!

Hello

Hello I am really fab now x

Well the more I looked into helping the other poster, the more I realised quite how much of a kick the rescuer friend I cut contact with last year got out of my trauma for herself... and the more I realise how unhelpfull I have been at times in the past when I have attepted to rescue my children with the exh and some other situations, you think you are doing something good and due to ignorance you are doing more harm, it makes me feel sad, and it makes me feel better also as I am seeing through it all the more and becoming a better person from it I hope, a long way to go...

It sounds like everyone is struggling at the moment.

twoteachers, it's very hard to understand the behaviour of these people and I think it might take you to places you'd rather not go. He sounds sadistic and I feel for you and the child you were. I hope you can find a way to move forward and have a happy life in spite of him.

trs, glad to see your post but sorry you're feeling so sad.

Hi Fab.

Warm hugs to everyone xx

I keep thinking I should just say everything and then I bottle it. I have managed this far without talking, why not more but then I haven't really. Feel a bit mixed up today about two things.

Need to wrap presents too and a bit annoyed with dh.

MH, when I read your posts, I am always struck by the amount of thought and effort you put into understanding yourself.

Take your time Fab. There will be someone here when you are ready. Maybe it would help to take it in small steps.

Bookcase how are you doing?

I am a mixed bag really, I don't quite understand it, I am doing loads of sleeping, I am getting the house back to the way I want it and used to have it, slowly and I am at last definatly doing it for ME not for anyone else YEAH!!! Saying that I am negelcting my appearance some days, well I am letting myself go for me, and then somedays I am almost back to the levels of personal grooming that I had before exh left... I find this all very strange... yet I fell apart yesterday afternoon and was having a panic attack over something someone else would think pathetic... I would say though that this wobble is better than the long slog of not a lot of movement or very slow upward movement??

I don't know what to say.

I have a heart/emotional issue too and find that talking about it makes it worse in some ways but I am desperate to understand what my feelings are.

I am in a kind of cave bookcase, like a hermit for me at the moment, I have I suppose given up on a lot of things the past year and a bit to fix me and make things better for me and the generations that follow, it is my job right now I suppose! probably unhealthy?

Fab, when you are ready x

I've had a better day today thanks MH. Met up with some new friends and had lunch. I seem to feel negative after I've had social contact, probably because of the effort it takes to be sociable.

There are alot of ups and downs on the way to feeling better aren't there. Do you think your self-esteem is improving now that you are starting to do things for yourself?

Fab, what words would you use to sum up how you are feeling at the moment?