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Toxic Dad – sorry a bit complex

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By Mon 31-Aug-09 10:45:30 Add message | Report | Contact poster

DH and I have been married for three years now. We are both teachers and as we live roughly half way between our two sets of parents we see them about the same number of times per year. Suddenly my parents have announced that they are planning to move to the town where we live but without giving us any obvious reason why. It very much seems to be Dad’s idea and I don’t think Mum is that keen.

I had a very difficult relationship with Dad when I was living a home. Sometimes he was violent, sometimes there was some “accidental” but inappropriate touching and really we just didn’t get on from when I was 14 to 22. I don’t want him back in my life more than he is a present. I still feel a bit uneasy being on my own with him and he makes my flesh crawl if he even touches me socially.

Neither DH or I know what to do.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Fri 20-Nov-09 20:19:33

I would be also having a word with the Police; what they are doing amounts to harrassment.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Fri 20-Nov-09 19:44:35

Have been following your thread but not posting, as I didn't have a lot to add to all the good advice you've been getting.

But I didn't want this to go unanswered and get lost on a Friday night, as it seems quite serious.

I think you do need to do something otherwise their - quite literal - lack of respect for your personal space will only escalate. Go and talk to the police - get something on record now. Say that you have asked your parents not to make contact. Then if anything else happens, you have it on record now. Plus, with a bit of luck, the police could go and have a quiet word.

I'm very glad you have a counsellor, because this sounds like an awful lot to deal with, even with all the support you have here.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Fri 20-Nov-09 19:23:33

There is not much to report that is news. We had a change of address notification from Mum and Dad and they are now living in a rented? house about 400 yards from where we live. This is not good although not unexpected.

The old lady opposite, who we sometimes take shopping, has told DH that a middle-aged couple have walked up our drive and peered into the house while we were both at work. This seems a bit creepy.

I don't know what to do other than nothing.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Mon 09-Nov-09 19:54:51

I also think he has cooked his goose with the spiral bound catalogue of your faults. That in itself shows he is unhinged; your word against someone barmy enough to go to all that trouble would indeed be very convincing. I agree with diddl here -- what he has done is so ott it has had the exact opposite effect from what he intended. People like your father do not see themselves as others see them.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 09:24:28

But you have a document where he has listed your faults and said that you "ruined the family".

You know that that is not normal?

Coupled to that they are intending tomove nearby?

I think you have a good case for keeping them away, tbh.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 08:59:43

The problem I am just going to have to live with is that it always going to be my word against my Mum and Dads word. Unless he wrote something down in his diaries there is never going to be any real proof of the what and when and why. I don't even remember the exact dates except for the last one (the Tuesday after the October half term of year 12). What I can do is to prevent further contact between us except on my terms.

I will post again next weekend hopefully with some better news. hmm

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 03:06:13

Please use this document to get a restraining order against this complete pair of nutjobs, any reasonable, sane person will soon see that this is the work of someone quite twisted and dangerous.

Take care of yourself TT, you don't have to put up with this crap you know. Some people are just awful parents, it's not the fault of their offspring. Grieve for the parents you wanted to have but not for this repulsive pair.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sun 08-Nov-09 02:48:52

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 07-Nov-09 18:00:35

He has actually admitted punishing you-physically?

Jeez, he really is a self righteous bästard who thinks he is completely right/justified

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 07-Nov-09 17:16:40

I would be keeping this and showing it to the cops myself - I think their behaviour is going to get worse as she stands up to them.

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Toxic Dad – sorry a bit complex