Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 10

[googoomama]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity
:) :(

Ha I am christening the thread - well done googoo

Woo hoo! I was so nervous in case I lost anyone! Thanks Getting - top dumpling award (again) for posting :) This thread continues to make me happy.

Oh Starting I'm so sorry. Your Ex H is a horrid man, whatever he once was he now is a horrid. Don't let the b*stards get you down (as the saying goes) Things will get better you will come through this, keep strong. Sending you positive vibes x

Well done Googoo, excellent job x

The Craft Fair did have a bit for the DCs to paint etc and see Santa, although DD was terrified by him. Good time, the cakes were fab. Alas DS started to become tricky so I had to come home, I think he was tired as he's passed out now.

How can you pay him Starting What does he mean? That's outrageous you're bringing up his DCs.

I don't think he's got a hope in hell legally on that one...especially as you are bringing up the children. I really feel for you Starting - keep posting lovely, as you know we are all here. I'm so angry for you! :(

Ah, just posted on the other thread!

Been lurking for a while on this thread, and as a recent 'ditchie' AGAIN!! please may I join?

Hi Antalya - welcome and of course you can! I am also a recent dumpling - again! - so you're in good company :)

Finally Do you have a full thread with your story on in Relationships? Or has your H just thrown this terrible situation you?

Can you tell us a bit more about your situation?

...ah need to get to grips with the terminology..so am I officially a 'dumpling'?

Finally - hope you have found this thread. Why do all dumplings hear that they "haven't been loved for years"?!!
You are in good company on here with a bunch of very kind and supportive women. Please keep posting my love.

I haven't just heard it. He sat down and told me years ago he didn't love me but if I wanted he would stay with me. Have had other threads, have n.c., including one, a while back - would you accept that your DH doesn't love you' and it got a large response. I think I am unique because he hasn't just sprung this 'not loving me for years' thing on me, he told me 2 years after we married quite calmly and objectively. I am aware I have low self-esteem issues (in counselling, btw).

Just feel really, really stupid and I am sure others would agree. I can't even use the excuse that I was a young, naive woman. And I have been told over the following years 'don't you get the message' by him getting annoyed with me.

And lost all my confidence in this in the process too. Just meant so much to me (I realise it didn't mean the same to him).

I just feel like a mug; everything has always been my fault, apparently.

And that is why I can find it easy to accept blame because it is my fault if I chose to stay with someone who didn't want me to be his wife really. I think I am unique.

Finally please don't beat yourself up. I too have very low self esteem. In my latest relationship, I knew that ex didn't love me for quite a while but I carried on. I'm glad you are in counselling. If it makes you feel better, all of us on here feel as if we have been "mugs" from time to time. One wise dumpling told me the other day "You haven't failed, you have been failed" which applies to you too. Much love and keep posting. You can go over things as much as you like on here :)

And if it makes you feel any better - your ex is a twisted and manipulating wally

And I have always been in relationships also - long term ones; classic example of a pathetic woman, I think.

And he says he never wanted anything to do with me (eg as what I would call in a couple way) except at the very start, because I am so 'difficult' and 'needy'. I probably was. And I know that is very unattractive but he really wasn't interested in how I was feeling ever (but there you go - he spelt it out to me after 2 years).

What a stupid woman.

Is there a prize?

For being Number One Stupid Woman of the Year.

You are not a stupid woman FHA he is a complete twunt for giving you second best all this time, a decent, well-balanced man, would not have done this. If he really felt the way that he did, then for all your sakes he would have gone years ago.

He also has esteem issues, as if he was that unhappy then he would have been confident enough to leave a long time ago,

You are not pathetic or stupid, you are reeling from years of being put down....and in the process your esteem has taken a knock. You may well have some esteem issues, however this would have been exacerbated by this relationship and also after years of being fed all this negativity you have bought into his views on you.

No but there are dumpling awards for those dumplings who can move forward, gain some (sometimes temporary) serenity, treat exes as they deserve to be treated (with detached and dignified contempt) and pamper themselves mentally and physically so that they start to feel they are worth something in this world. I think that after a while on here my love you will qualify for one of these awards. And I'm going to present it to you. You are not stupid, you are a woman with a big heart who fell in love with a nasty man. And being in long term relationships does NOT mean you are pathetic. We have all been in a series of long term relationships - that's what normal people do! Funny that you say that your ex said you were needy. So did my exbf. You're NOT needy - they are just shallow and selfish and incapable of empathising with anyone but themselves. There are a lot of selfish men in this world (nd lots of good ones too mind!). My ex's selfishness is unlimited and borders on a personality disorder. Yours too. Think of it the other way round. Woudl you have been capable of telling someone who you knew loved you that you didn't love them and then stay with them for years, watching them suffer and almost relishing the situation? Of course you wouldn't love. Because you have feelings and a sense of decency and you are capable of loving. Anyone who could do this has serious emotional problems and is an abuser.
I hope that that makes you feel a bit better. It is the truth as I see it from the outside.
Welcome to the dumplings. You will find so much strength and love here :)

sorry all that sounds so harsh, I didn't mean it that way at all.. I just get on my soap box with this topic!! You're having a bad time of it...you're human, with feelings and empathy...something your ex clearly didn't have. You are not a lesser person than him...hopefully the counselling will help slowly for you to see what a damaging time you have been through. At the moment you are seeing yourself through his eyes, but his view of you will be skewiff, you are better than him.