LOL CV !!PMSL at serenity as if we are all serene ha ha ,i didnt even know what it meant b4 i got chucked but they use it alot at ALANON and i thought oh inner peace i loved that idea because all i was feeling was HATE , RAGE and EXTREME RAGE !!!!!!How dare he turn me into this person when all i wanted was to give my kids peace calmness and patience.
Much healthier to aim for serenity but it is a lifetime search for me .One day i aim to be like Perdita from 101 dalmations or Duchess from the aristocats .
Ok Friday night at Patience's house all getting ready to go to football practise and
fairly stress free,had toyed with xmas tree /tv shopping trip but ran out of time b4 football but was cancelled due to burst pipes in the gym hall .On arrival a cross mum told me about cancellation[nobody had been notified]and i didnt even flinch at having driven 25mins for no reason,water of a ducks back these days ,felt like saying to her if that is the most dissapointing thing you have had to deal with all week youre doin alright .Instead i thought lets go for telly and a tree. In the carpark of shopping centre kids always run around ,i have had it out with them 1,000,000 times about the dangers of carparks ,older bro running then dd will follow but more likely to fall get hit by car ,explained i just want them safe ,held hands but sometimes they dont want to and walking fine beside me then LALA land shoot off at high speed with no warning in pedestrian areas joined by zebrs crossings.Well last night i just had a quick thought re XH when ds did excactly this ,9 times out of ten he will stop at kerb but it has been known for him to run across roads and it fucking terrifies me.So he stops but DD keeps going and then stops at the kerb with me hollering at her for running off.OK so now i about turn with both kids in meltdown,i asked them,i warned them and now we are going back home again because i am so bloody angry ,i am making a point.
OK am i bloody angry about them or X ,bit of both but the reason i am sooooooangry is X.I drive 20mins buy a coffee and 10 fags ,buy them a milkshake ,stand in supermarket carpark in a pile of slush smoke 2fags drink coffee and leave a voicemail on a friends phone because my life is so surreal now i just needed to share,i ask dcs if they have learned their lesson we are all agreed it makes mummy upset ,they apologise ,we return to shop 20mins away to buy telly,all walking ,next shop decorations ,running around in shop ,i warn them and then they run up and down the shop having the best fun 
So my life is just one set of coping skills ,what you posted is excactly what i feel like esp withds starting school this year ,is he acting like this because of his family situation or is that just him.Ultimately its a bit of both.But dont ever put yourself down ,be kind to urself,dont be a super hero ,weetabix is ok for tea or beans on toast or mc ds ,its not everday ,you get by you are not a super hero.
I wish i had a pound for everytime this year someone said to me "I dont know how you cope"Eh because i have to ,you silly fucking bitch lol!!!This isnt self pity btw you have a child under a year old ,in my book you are allowed any kind of behaviour you like!!The dishes can wait ,feel the rage of injustice and let it out ,dont repress it just keep telling yourself how amazing ur ,counsellor sounds fab btw and when you feel the warning signs you are getting stressed then rewind a bit ,tomorrow is another day ,put your feet up whenever you can,DONT FEEL GUILTY!!!I remember reading a top tip for mums with babies under a year it was dont stand when you can sit,dontsit when you can lie down,and dont just lie down if you can sleep ,all about survival .