Can anyone talk to me about sub/dom relationships?

[CuriousSub]

Right, well, I have been here a loooong time but have name changed for this.

I came to these boards when I found out about my stbxh's affair and the advice here was great and really helped. I went through hell for 3 years but I am now in the process of divorcing him.

So now I am testing the water and have frequented some dating sites and have been speaking to a gorgeous guy who is far too young for me and we got to talking about what we like. It turns out I love being dominated and he was looking for a sub.

Sooo, we have been texting, emailing and now speaking to each other and the whole idea is driving me mad with desire. I am actually short of breath when he suggests things.

This is something I hadn't even thought about before but I definitely want to see this through. He wants to meet and I would love to.

But I wanted to ask here is anyone has been/is a sub? What is expected of you? Where is the best place to look for advice/ideas?

Sorry, I know it isn't Friday yet - but nearly!!

yes, I think so, MD

In that case i can't think of alot worse than being dominated by a sado masochist.

I NEVER MENTIONED BDSM!!!

This is just a Dom/Sub relationship. Inflicting pain (apart from the odd spanking) isn't what we want to do. It is more about bondage and sexual play

So you have the bondage,(domination)the spanking(sadism),(masochism)?,
where's the difference.
What's missing.?

there is a difference

Bondage & discipline, domination & submission, sadism & masochism.

My own vast experience tells me that meeting someone in this context does indeed carry extra risks.

In particular that its all been totally talked up and you'll meet a very average derek, with the charisma of a spoon and a corresponding capacity to get you going in rl.

Not an indigtment on bdsmers, more about the particular type who prowl the net and have always trained a sub who sadly had to move away.

Good luck though!

You keep telling yourself that.

bloody bloody indictment...

@ average derek

whatever your sexual tastes, in my experience, those who talk the most... do the least

Christ,a Sub....
What an awful way to be described/to describe oneself.
Submissive/subhuman?

ooo, MD, sgb is going to go to town on you

if she read all sorts of meanings that weren't there in my posts, she will have you burned at the stake as a witch

Don't care..
Would you like to be described as a sub ?

I would also say that the most nromal, decent people I've come across (fnar) are NOT the ones who buy into all these bloody labels.

Its just sex fgs.

You dont NEED to call yourself a sub, you know that dont you?

He doesnt need to call himself a dom. With or without the fucking capitalisation.

You enjoy sex in a certain way. Thats all it is.

I'm veeeeery wary of all this quasi-spiritual nonsense. Oooh I'll feel so liberated and whole when he controls me. Bollocks. Its just sex. Good sex one hopes. All the other fairy, ritualistic nonsesnse...meh, if it wasnt bdsm it would be historic reenactments or warhammer.

me MD ?

nah, I just have sex

sometimes I am "sub" sometimes I am "dom"

sometimes I can't be arsed

I certainly would think it rather strange to spend so many, many hours dissecting it, navel-gazing and discussing it with a random on't 'tinternet

and I would not, in a million years, make an arrangement to discuss it some more before we got down to it

like I said...those that talk ...

< shrugs >

Better had be good sex iPaddle - you are right, fuck the labels, it will just be fantastic sex. That is what I am banking on anyway

however, I still think OP is taking a huge risk, and I would worry for her safety

there is definitely something a bit odd about the whole thing

she is a grown woman though (if rather like a grown-up version of the kid in the sweetie shop...) and it is her choice, of course

I hope I am wrong, and she has a fabulous time on saturday

AF....
Me too,especially the can't be arsed bit ..
However,to be described in such a derogatory way as the sub..
'trained a sub who sadly had to move away'...

'trained a sub who sadly had to move away'...

I wonder what her version of that is ?

she doesnt exist

Makes you wonder why they had to move away...

iPaddle, I am probably talking shit on this thread, tbh

but you seem rather knowledgeable

pray tell ?

I went to one of them clubs once.

I stayed for one drink, which I finished rather quickly. I appreciate my post has nothing to do with the context of this thread - but suspect it has plenty to do with the sad little pen-pusher who is the topic of the OP.

CS, they live fantasy lives online where subs have magical powers, which they lose if they take off their spikey neck rings. It's all rather charming in-game. If you take it into real life, you're likely to find yourself chained up and bare-bottomed in front of (if you could look over your shoulder, heh) a weirdo who can't work out whether he hates himself more than he hates women. He will view you purely as an emblematic female.

Which is fine if this is where you're currently at ... Did you realise you can get paid £900+ a night for it? Plus, it's far less likely to be uncomfortable, cold and unhygienic than the unpaid option.

Isn't sex, whether vanilla or not, the one time when it's permissible - essential even at one level, to treat the body of your partner as a sex object? Isn't achieving mutual thrills the point of the process?

Also castigating one type of sexual thrill as "cheap" suggests a hierarchy of permissible thrills, which I don't accept.