Can anyone talk to me about sub/dom relationships?

[CuriousSub]

Right, well, I have been here a loooong time but have name changed for this.

I came to these boards when I found out about my stbxh's affair and the advice here was great and really helped. I went through hell for 3 years but I am now in the process of divorcing him.

So now I am testing the water and have frequented some dating sites and have been speaking to a gorgeous guy who is far too young for me and we got to talking about what we like. It turns out I love being dominated and he was looking for a sub.

Sooo, we have been texting, emailing and now speaking to each other and the whole idea is driving me mad with desire. I am actually short of breath when he suggests things.

This is something I hadn't even thought about before but I definitely want to see this through. He wants to meet and I would love to.

But I wanted to ask here is anyone has been/is a sub? What is expected of you? Where is the best place to look for advice/ideas?

Sorry, I know it isn't Friday yet - but nearly!!

Dittany, I can only comment on myself but I promise you I don't feel I need to be punished in any way. I just enjoy the physical sensation and the mild mind games and role-play involved

Do you have any personal experience of this?

I believe you when you say that you didn't like it. Do you not believe people who say they do?

So the fact that

Many women love to be spanked by women;
Many men love to be spanked by men;
Many men love to be spanked by women;
and many women love to be spanked by men,

leads you to the conclusion that the practice itself is misogynist and anti-feminist?

Bloody hell - this has taken on a life of its own!!

I wonder if it will make the roundup

sub...you didn't think you would just get a couple of replies did you ?

No dittany, I am not interested in discussing the sexual politics of my personal preferences. No doubt my opinion wouldn't count with you anyway as I had chosen to be a SAHM for the time being

what has being a SAHM got to do with it ?

christ, let's not go down that path...

some of the most switched-on women I know are SAHM's and would not be up for their partners whacking their arses red raw and strangling them (unless they chose to)

that is a red herring, IMO

unless you are saying rudolph, you submitted to nasty and painful sexual practices you didn't enjoy because he brought home the bacon ?

are you saying that ?

Dittany, I'm certainly not arguing that BDSM doesn't attract women-haters, and self-hating women.

I'm arguing that there are ALSO lots of OTHER types of people who are also attracted to it, many of whom do not fit into your narrow view of how sexuality functions.

You've had lots of testimonials saying this is so, yet you dismiss them as deluded.

No of course I didn't.

there is a nice SM feminist blog here:
sm-feminist.blogspot.com/2007/08/definition-i-am-not-damaged.html

I know many feminists into BDSM, both dom and sub

Speaking for myself Dittany, i certainly don't hate myself and I certainly don't feel I need to be punished.

My DP is about as far removed from the perception you have of this type of man that it's possible to get. He is not a controlling or sadistic misogynist. We do what we do because we both enjoy it.

I've followed threads before where you debate this and time and again you refuse to believe that this kind of sex life can exist between two people without their being some kind of hidden agenda on the man's part and a complete letting down of other women and the struggle for feminist equality by the woman.

Yes there are men out there who hate women and use the BDSM label to legitimise their treatment of them, as there are women out there who legitimise their hatred of men by using that label too.

But not ALL of them.

Every time you quote and cut and paste 'research' into this subject it is always written in loaded language and evidently from the point of view of a person who will not ever understand how a woman can find pleasure from this kind of sexual and emotional exchange. In one thread you repeatedly ignored responses to a question you asked regarding female Domme's - you got totally hung up on this scene being full of women hating male abusers.

Feminists fought for sexual freedom didn't they? So why are they so bloody quick to tell us now we have it we shouldn't use it because we're letting the 'sisterhood' down.

Totally agree with you anonanna! Well Said !

also agree with anonanna

Well said, anonanna, and fascinating link HelenRosie.

That link is excellent HelenRosie.

Will be interested to read Dittany's response to that.

are there as many female doms as male doms? Or is there a gender skew?

Dont quote me on it Elf but as far as I am aware there are more female dommes than there are male ............. or maybe I just know more females. I dont actually know ONE male dom tho I'm sure they do exist - far more than people care to acknowledge. ROFL.

Oooh, anonanna, I think I heart you a bit now. You've just perfectly written the post I wanted to write, but couldn't quite compose