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Original poster

Can anyone talk to me about sub/dom relationships?

585 replies

CuriousSub · 10/12/2010 00:11

Right, well, I have been here a loooong time but have name changed for this.

I came to these boards when I found out about my stbxh's affair and the advice here was great and really helped. I went through hell for 3 years but I am now in the process of divorcing him.

So now I am testing the water and have frequented some dating sites and have been speaking to a gorgeous guy who is far too young for me and we got to talking about what we like. It turns out I love being dominated and he was looking for a sub.

Sooo, we have been texting, emailing and now speaking to each other and the whole idea is driving me mad with desire. I am actually short of breath when he suggests things.

This is something I hadn't even thought about before but I definitely want to see this through. He wants to meet and I would love to.

But I wanted to ask here is anyone has been/is a sub? What is expected of you? Where is the best place to look for advice/ideas?

Sorry, I know it isn't Friday yet - but nearly!!

OP posts:
ARepleteHmmSkiNun · 20/01/2011 00:18

Yes. I'm sorry it didn't work out like the way you could have wished it to.
Oh dear there is such a lack of REAL communication sometimes. My partner and I spent some time in the wilderness, a crunch came and now we know we both love pretty much the same stuff( I'm only talking sexually here) so after 15 years of marriage we are starting all over again, with the excitement of teenagers. I guess that is the result of marrying for soul. Yes, we are lucky, but there were a few years in between which weren't that great. But hey, when you love someone, you can look forward and know when you look back, you know you made the right decision. Does that make sense?
Have fun because you are not on this earth long.

Original poster
CuriousSub · 20/01/2011 00:22

AF, waiting for you because I respect your opinion, even if I don't take it on board all the time!

Replete, I think me and ex were like you but it has gone too far to repair and, tbh, he would never have got involved in this scene. I am much more outgoing than him but I would have sat at home every night if that was what he had wanted because I loved him.

I stopped loving him when he shagged someone else Sad

OP posts:
ARepleteHmmSkiNun · 20/01/2011 00:38

Curious. You sound like a sensitive person.
I'm sorry to hear about that. Naughty naughty person. I, personally, find infidelity so depressing.

But HEY! the past is a foreign country. They do things differently there.

Just hope you can find a lot of what you want. It seems nowadays that many people want everything. So unreasonable. Quite a lot of what you want should be more than enough if you think about it.
Godspeed.

Original poster
CuriousSub · 20/01/2011 00:50

I am under no illusion Replete, this is def a short term thing but it is giving me amazing confidence to push myself. To push my boundaries and to step out of my comfort zone. It makes me proud of myself afterwards.

I would never have done any of this just 12 months ago.

OP posts:
ARepleteHmmSkiNun · 20/01/2011 01:29

Oh. Please don't be taken in by this boundaries/confidence/comfort zone stuff. It is contemporary psychobabble
Proud of what exactly?
There was me thinking you were just having a good time and enjoying yourself and there you are looking in the mirror and thinking, "what, me?, here? how cool is that!"
You need to talk to some of those feminists - perhaps about lot of things. Do you not like and respect yourself?
I loathe feminists but to be honest I realy think they could point you in a better direction here. I may have misunderstood what you mean. In which case, I am sorry.

Original poster
CuriousSub · 20/01/2011 07:53

I only meant that I have done things recently that I would never have done before. I feel confident enough to do those things. My confidence was shot to hell after my marriage fell apart.

But, I am having a good time and kinky sex, which was what I was looking for Smile

OP posts:
batman47555 · 20/01/2011 08:03

well done girl
xxx

BelfastBloke · 20/01/2011 13:27

Pleased for you.

BelleBelicious · 20/01/2011 13:45

Replete - goodness, what are you getting so upset about, and what's all this about feminists, bizarre! Curious is feeling happy, confident and sexy. She used to feel shite. Be pleased for her.

And she should be proud of herself for picking herself up and trying new things. Lots of other people would just wallow.

Curious, I'm many of the lurkers on this one - got to say a bit jealous and admire your courage, but do stay safe.

Original poster
CuriousSub · 20/01/2011 21:29

Thank you Belle, that is how I feel.

I felt so unattractive, for 2 years, and now I am venturing out and meeting people, albeit in the fetish community, I find I am very attractive and people want to chat and meet me, and no, not just for sex!

Can I also say that since I have joined FetLife, I have been amazed by the number of friendly, intelligent and articulate people I have "met" online. Some of their chat boards are nearly as funny as the ones on MN Smile

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/01/2011 21:37

hi CS

how are you ? (I am not talking about your sex life, btw)

I hope you wrote replete off as a nutter, tell me you did and I might feel a bit better about your fuckwit-radar Smile

it seems this FetLife business is a sensible thing to take on board, yes ?

you have moved on a bit since the start of your thread, I think

in a good way (I am not talking about your sex life again, btw)

StuffingGoldBrass · 20/01/2011 21:40

Hi CS, glad it's all going well for you. Am ever so slightly Envy as I remember the thrills of starting out on the fetish scene myself (OK a very very long time ago).

MigratingCoconuts · 20/01/2011 21:46

Hey Curious!! Great to hear from you! Glad its all going so well...

Can anyone explain what Replete was going on about please?? Confused

Original poster
CuriousSub · 20/01/2011 21:56

I am well AF. I actually feel happier than I have in a very long time. I have a great social life now, which I had missed for so long. H wasn't into socialising, but again I was happy with that because it was part of the package that I wanted.

Now people know that I am getting divorced, I get asked by friends at work to go out after work for drinks quite often. I am loving it all. And H looks all sad when I leave him with the DC and go out looking fab! HA!!

I was low at the beginning of this thread because I had just started my divorce and even though I was ready and knew it was the right thing, it still brought me down for a while. Sort of like giving in, which I hate doing.

Thanks x

OP posts:
Original poster
CuriousSub · 20/01/2011 22:24

SGB, I am having so much fun at the moment (not just sex AF), meeting new people etc.

I now have a friend, who is another sub of the pro dom, who is a TV and is just so pretty. We have met a couple of times for coffee and we would just never have crossed paths before but it is lovely knowing him/her (sorry, I still get confused). We text each other all the time.

And, on Saturday, I am going to Violate in Edinburgh (Fetish Club) with the Pro Dom and I will be his helper on the stage when he is working on people!! I just need to buy some 5" heels to wear!

Then we are all off to an after-club party back at another Dom's house in Edinburgh. I just hope I can stay awake long enough!!

Smile Smile Smile Smile

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/01/2011 22:53

not just sex

ok, you "got" me Smile

tell me what you thought of replete's posts gwan

Original poster
CuriousSub · 20/01/2011 23:00

I was confused. One minute saying YAY, go for it, then shouting me down.

Was it you trying to see what I would do?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/01/2011 23:08

no

credit it me with more integrity than that, please

Original poster
CuriousSub · 20/01/2011 23:11

Sorry! Didn't really think it was you.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/01/2011 23:27

You see that button "advanced search" in the top right hand corner ?

utilise it

this thread has been a magnet for fuckwits from its very beginning

now take my advice (hey, take a chance...), and stop posting salacious tidbits about your sex life and sitting back to wait for the reaction

the way you posted and emphasised your update was needlessly attention-seeking

read it again and ask yourself if you are soooo happy (which I don't doubt) why you felt the need to resurrect this thread in such a challenging way

there is truth in the old saying "those who shout the loudest..."

AnyFucker · 20/01/2011 23:29

you asked for my opinion Smile

Original poster
CuriousSub · 20/01/2011 23:30

Nice condescending attitude - that is what I love about MN.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/01/2011 23:38

and so we come full circle

if you post, you get replies (if anyone is interested enough), funnily enough you may not like those replies

you invite condescension, CS, your naivety is quite remarkable (and again, I am not talking about your sex life, that is getting a bit tedious to hear about, tbh)

WestleyAndButtockUp · 21/01/2011 06:08

Whereas AnyFucker's superb monogamous marriage, which she bangs on about on EVERY thread, is not at all tedious to hear about...!

AnyFucker, you say "this thread has been a magnet for fuckwits from its very beginning".

Reading this thread, you are the most consistent poster on this thread. Magnet, at all?

AnyFucker · 21/01/2011 07:19

Westley...I don't talk about my marriage on here

You are confusing me with someone else

And yes, I have posted consistently on this thread from the beginning and there is a very good reason for that.

CS knows the reason, but you do not, so butt out of a dialogue that has nothing whatsoever to do with you except to bash a poster you have a hisory of taking issue with.