Can anyone talk to me about sub/dom relationships?

[CuriousSub]

Right, well, I have been here a loooong time but have name changed for this.

I came to these boards when I found out about my stbxh's affair and the advice here was great and really helped. I went through hell for 3 years but I am now in the process of divorcing him.

So now I am testing the water and have frequented some dating sites and have been speaking to a gorgeous guy who is far too young for me and we got to talking about what we like. It turns out I love being dominated and he was looking for a sub.

Sooo, we have been texting, emailing and now speaking to each other and the whole idea is driving me mad with desire. I am actually short of breath when he suggests things.

This is something I hadn't even thought about before but I definitely want to see this through. He wants to meet and I would love to.

But I wanted to ask here is anyone has been/is a sub? What is expected of you? Where is the best place to look for advice/ideas?

Sorry, I know it isn't Friday yet - but nearly!!

But if you invite someone round for vanilla sex and he goes too far you stand a better chance of fighting him off.

If you're tied up and beaten into sub space you stand less chance of fighting him off.

There are doms who are known on the scene for preying on new subs, they know more experienced subs wouldn't stand for that kind of treatment.

interesting to see the points that I (as a vanilla, un-scene, monogamist, squawking bore) would make being put forward so convincingly by someone "on the scene"...

NB: I don't entirely agre with you there: if you invite a man round for (non-kinky) sex and all of a sudden he pulls out a knife or just physically overcomes you because he's a lot bigger than you, then you're in a world of hurt that is not your fault and you didn't deserve it. Dating is a moderately risky activity, no matter what, and lots of people have advised the OP to take the usual sensible precautions. But there comes a point where a person decides to take the plunge and meet, or having met once, agree to meet for sex having decide that according to his/her instincts the risk is worth taking on this occasion. And most of the time the worst that will happen is boredom or disappointment. BDSM fans are just people after all, with the same percentage of nice people, losers, bores and predators as any other category of people.

so... what about girls who are Domes?
are all of them man haters?

Nope, we're not.
Mind you, dominant people can be at risk with new dates too: if you are not very big and not very strong and the new sub you are playing with is big and strong and suddenly wigs out and takes against you, you can find yourself in a mess. But (again) you mostly use your wits and instincts about who is and is not a desirable playmate and decide what risks you're prepared to take.

sgb...you make sex sound like a war zone < sigh >

StuffingGoldBrass - I know we aren't ;)

AF: Not in the least. Mostly it's great. But what risks there are, apply across the board and dating someone into BDSM is no more inherently risky than dating anyone else.

nope, no matter how many times you say it, I cannot agree

and NB said exactly the same as I do

you should be taking more precautions, not less, when trawling the internet for folks to submit to

for offering yourself on a plate to strangers who, by their very definition, like to hurt people

It is not always about hurting.

It may just be kinky sex. Being tied up, or wearing latex.

I now have a babysitter for Friday. Man wants to take me out, have a meal and get to know each other a bit more. Doesn't sound too bad, does it?

where did I say it was "bad" ?

I didn't think just wearing latex was particularly "out there" tbh. Am I not as vanilla as I thought ?

AF: your fundamental, wilful ignorance is your problem and not mine.

AF, do you have some latex gloves??

sgb, I am remaining pleasant on this thread

it would be nice if you did the same

"I cannot agree" as opposed to "fundamental, wilful ignorance "

I may be ignorant by your definition, but not by my own which has basic good manners as a minimum requirement

yes, CS, I do

and I wear latex gloves every single (working) day

beat that

I am S/switch (i.e I have a Dom but am also a Domme myself) I got into it thro a mate and also read John Norman's Chronicles of Gor. The site i use most is Informed Consent. The main rules are to have both a safeword, usually something you wouldn't use in the situation or use the traffic light system, and a safe action so if you can't speak he still knows that he needs to stop and to have your boundries set before you start to play. i have both soft limits and hard limits. soft limits are things that you may work up to eventually but are not ready for atm and hard limits is stuff you would never consider doing. I have been into the lifestyle for the past 5 years and am willing to give any advice you need. just pm me if you don't want to put it publically. I always found that having someone in the lifestyle was useful when i started

I am lovin' thread!!

personally, and I think AF agrees with this, CS, can do what ever she likes...just as long as she looks after herself and takes care not to place her trust too quickly in someone who she doesn't know.

As I have said before, it must be easy for a dom to say just exactly what is expected of him, right up to the point where you are submissive and vulnerable. that's what worries me.

If it works out that this guy is legit then great!!!

sorry, rogue 'this' gone missing!

thanks lyd, I didn't think I was talking a different language ...

¿qué?

Well, it is all going ahead still tonight. I have a sitter for the kids and we should get to spend a few hours together.

I know it is partly because this is new to me and I have just come out of a marriage but I am so very excited. He is lovely to talk to, very intelligent and seems very considerate.

Watch this space

good luck, CS

your thread is still in my "threads I'm on" so I keep seeing you pop up

God, with us lot waiting on a report, let's hope for his sake he plays nicely.

Have a nice time.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do!