Am I right in my conviction, lovely DP has done something unforgivable and I really think we're over

[IDontLikeDisciples]

We went out with a big group of friends yesterday afternoon,long pub lunch as most were off work due to the snow, he went home as he started to feel unwell.

I had a seizure in the loo, was taken to hospital by ambulance(this has happened a few times and is being investigated, possible epilepsy). DPs best friends wife came with me, made sure I was okay and was generally lovely.

I came home to a horrid email from DP, heres part of it

THANKS A FUCKING LOT, had half the village ringing me when I was ill in bed thanks to another of your 'episodes'. Can't believe you dragged Laura to the hospital in this fuking weather. You really worried people. I've had no sleep as the phone was contstantly ringing. Sort yourself out.

No 'oh my god are you okay?' etc Just that shower of shite.
I am stunned by this. What would you do?

Can't sleep, I'm really stressed out I might not make it to see the DC tomorrow and have been emailing exH ccing my solicitor as he is being as ridiculous as usual...

Honestly I'm not sure what more it will take to get me to breaking point I'm really on the verge.

Pathetic too but I'm worried about bathing given I'm at home alone, just in case....

I have radio on, the fire blazing, and just need to sit and mull things over i think (and read hilarious mumsnet threads, its a fecking lifeline)

Why are you worried about having a bath?

Because the seizures tend to follow a pattern, they come in clupms then I have another a day or two after. And if stress is indeed a trigger, well, I'm at boiling point right now.

It sounds like his ex rang you for a reason and is trying to be supportive. I bet he has dated other women in the town too and he has probably been a nob to them too. These things do get around. The email is wonderful evidence. You probably won't have to deal with him dating one of your mutual friends now either .

I suspect Laura didn't mean, she didn't believe you, but that it was out of character behaviour.

Hang in there- you've really had a lucky escape with this one. It may not seem like it now, but in six months...

Thanks Kiwi.

Thinking back she did say a few things that left me wondering, but at the time I was in the first throes, iyswim, and so happy I had a 'normal' relationship with a lovely man who as he put it 'needs to make me smile'.

I think I am truly the dysfunctional one in all this, I need to get back to being me, and once I've got there (if I ever do) then hopefully I'll find a relationship with a good man. Maybe hahaa

Morning petal, please stop being in love with him 'cos I said. Totally agree with thumb, it's a fantasy you've built up in your head. Been there myself. Mine turned out to be nutjob who stalked me and I had to go to court. I'd also been warned by his ex.

Also we can all be dysfunctional or shall I say not functioning right I look back at my life sometimes and shudder The things I've said!! and done!! people who've sucked me in

Just keep coming on here to your mumsnet mates and here's a very big {{{{{hug}}}} from me with an extra squeeze and to fuck with unmnlike

Hi OP. I hope you are well today. How long have you been going out with your soon to be ex (I hope)? If he is like this at the start of your relationship (don,t know how long you have been dating him for), then how would he be in the future when you lived with him? Do you think he would be kinder? He has shown himself to be mean to you, making out that you are some kind of drama queen, involving other people. This behaviour is not a good indicator of how he would behave in the future with you, and I note that you have had a previously abusive relationship.

And now you are having to worry (again) about you being the crazy one, and him being the lovely man everyone believes he is.

Does it sound familiar? Is he loving and caring towards you? Have you ever seen any other behaviour in him that suggests he is self-centred? Or, is this out of the blue? You need to keep hold of the facts of this recent event, that you have the truth, and that he is the dysfunctional one.

You must keep telling yourself that he is MEAN and SELF-CENTRED, and he displayed (stupidly) his true character.

OP, I know it's hard to believe that there is something very wrong with yourself (you say maybe you are dysfunctional, but the truth is that you will go on down the road thinking and confirming this about yourself, over the over again, being involved with someone like that. I am convinced that I am 'dysfunctional' (understatement, I am totally f..... up in the head) from what I am going through (again).

I just think you have had a very lucky escape from alot more misery and heartache.

"I think I am truly the dysfunctional one in all this"

Err - no. It's unfortunate you're feeling low, as bad men are attracted to low self esteem like moths to a flame - but on a scale of dysfunction, he's a long way ahead of you.

If you're starting to think, I attract these people so it's all my fault - remember the reason why they come along is low self-esteem

Hello been watching this thread and have been sympathetic, my advice is tell more people in rl. Ask for help and get their sympathy.
Don't be demanding just matter of fact, say that you feel that his behaviour was uncalled for and unfeeling and you are upset over his awful email so you now think you are over and would they put pu with this treatment instead of supoorting you.#

Sorry but you will have to mourn this relationship and then get rid in the kindest way poo to you.

good on your dad.

Yes, you do need to get back to being yourself, and you can have the space now to do that, and take care of yourself.

Do you think he will keep pressurising you to see him again?

Longtalljosie - that is a step for OP - recognising attracting certain men and low self-esteem.

He's been a heartless git. You have the evidence. You are getting rid. Sounds pretty functional to me!

A better man is out there for you.

OK, there goes the "someone else framed him" theory! Even if his brother did get hold of his Facebook account (unlikely), don't tell me he got hold of his phone as well and stopped him asking how you were after a health emergency that he witnessed.

Interesting that your seizure is seen as something you did to him. Narcissism, anyone? The whirlwind "perfect partner" phase followed by horror at your imperfection (it is very NAUGHTY of you to have health problems!), and the need to be loved by everyone, would seem to fit. Either that or an extremely self-centred drunk. Not really long-term partner material either way.

If this is the case, you have not been stupid, you have been one in a long list of perfectly normal, sometimes very strong and intelligent, women who have been sucked in by the same.

Annie - have you had experience of someone not caring at all for you when you are ill/demonstrating that your illness is irritating and an inconvenience to them?

That anything bad that happens to you is all about the effect it has had on them, but you, as a human being, are irrelevant; that nothing is seen from your point of view - only from their's.

Oh OP, you are so strong, you really are.

You are going through hell right now and still keeping on going with such spirit. I don't know how you do it. You really do have my undying admiration, as little as that's worth from a stranger on the Internet.

You are not the dysfunctional one. Only someone deranged by their own self-regard would send an e-mail like that.

Please never contact him again. Ever. Don't publish the e-mail publicly, but don't be afraid to tell people what happened, and show them the e-mail if you want to really shock them.

I hope you get a dx soon for your seizures. I know you've enough fights in your life right now, but don't be pushed out of your job. Is your union involved?

And wishing you all strength and fortitude in your other battle, you'll need it. Lucky you seem to have it.

You're having to draw on all your reserves at the moment. It's not that surprising if it's telling on you physically.

OP, you don't need a man like this to bring you down.

don't dump him, agree with CrackFox, just ignore him completely from now on. He doesn't deserve to be dumped nicely, just freeze him out. (Does he have keys to your house?)
Is he even likely to contact you again? What would he say?

seriously, the facebook update - unbelievable. so the problem was not his behaviour, but that you told people about it??

So he´s saying he was so pissed he didn´t know what he was doing, but not too pissed to write a coherent email & post it?

Stress and alcohol are both big triggers for my seizures. Get rid of the dickhead, it will relieve at least some of the stress in your life. RE the bath - could one of your friends come round for a short while and sit with you? I had to do that for a while when I was single (dc were too young to help if anything had happened at that point).

If you are who I think you are (TDWP?) then the amount of other stress you are under will not be helping how many seizures you have. I would ring Epilepsy Action before you have this meeting with your work, they may well be able to give you more advice on it, they have been very helpful to me.

((Hugs)). I know how hard it is and what a big adjustment it is when you first start having seizures. The good thing (!) about having had this seizure now is that hopefully your doctors will start taking it a lot more seriously and sort out apointments for MRI/EEG/Neurologist a bit quicker. And with medication, 70% of people with Epilepsy will be fully controlled, and be able to have their license back.

GG, no, XH had a peculiar attitude to illness but not that one. I am speaking as an observer of human life rather than own experience in this case. (Mind you he did used to call my periods the "convenient time" because he said it gave me an excuse to avoid him )