Am I right in my conviction, lovely DP has done something unforgivable and I really think we're over

[IDontLikeDisciples]

We went out with a big group of friends yesterday afternoon,long pub lunch as most were off work due to the snow, he went home as he started to feel unwell.

I had a seizure in the loo, was taken to hospital by ambulance(this has happened a few times and is being investigated, possible epilepsy). DPs best friends wife came with me, made sure I was okay and was generally lovely.

I came home to a horrid email from DP, heres part of it

THANKS A FUCKING LOT, had half the village ringing me when I was ill in bed thanks to another of your 'episodes'. Can't believe you dragged Laura to the hospital in this fuking weather. You really worried people. I've had no sleep as the phone was contstantly ringing. Sort yourself out.

No 'oh my god are you okay?' etc Just that shower of shite.
I am stunned by this. What would you do?

From what you post on here your life is ridiculous and you can't move forward cos' it's such a messy muddle. You keep adding things to the mess and make it more complicated.

I think it's time to face reality and your responsibility of your actions/ way of life so you can move positively towards a happier less complicated future.

If you have an offer of rehab you are very lucky and need to look into it.

I hope your father keeps gently kicking your arse so you get back on track. On this forum your life sounds revolting and it cannot make you happy.

I sound harsh but no point in tip-toeing around you.

I said it was harsh.

Good luck Super. It's going to be hard but the reward at the end will be so well worth any agonies you may go through getting there.

Rehab will set your feet on the path, but you need to talk to your dad about what will happen when you come out, as that's when it's going to get really hard.

Might not be a bad idea to move house if you can to get a bit away from the immediate area you're in now, where everything can drag you back to where you are now. That's a bit drastic but if it can be done will make a big difference.

Is it worth getting nearer to your parents temporarily? Perhaps you could stay with them for a while when you come out of rehab? Your dad sounds great. You have one huge positive person in your life there; hang on to him, he'll be strong enough.

Rehab might actually be worth considering.

If only for this day in day out madness to stop for a while.

From a distance it looks like in some small way you actually crave this drama. I'm sure I'm wrong, but this is why I think that you have had some stick.

I know you are concerned about how the court will look upon you going into rehab, and it is a good idea to check that out. My gut feel is that they may think that you are addressing the issues that have caused the change in residency arrangements.

For me, if I were looking at this as if it were my life, I'd be thinking STOP THE WORLD, I WANNA GET OFF.

I think you need to look at areas of your life that you can exert some control on and make changes.

Stop Dating. You have a loser magnet in your pants at the moment. It's not helping. being alone is better than putting up with this shit. You need time to reflect, time for you.

FB: if you can't kick the habit altogether, which is what I would suggest, you need to have mass cull. Delete all those that don't add to your life. Be ruthless. You need support now, not detraction.

Find out what it is that you need to do to get your DC back with you. Find out what you need to do to ensure that they will be better off with you than with your ExH. By this I don't mean pack at his flaws, I mean RAISE YOUR GAME, be a better person, improve yourself.

Super, I know you have been given a hard time on here, and some may have been overly cruel, but you are very often your own worst enemy, you do seem unwittingly sabotaging your own life. Starting threads attacking those who have given you a hard time raises your head above the parapets to those that haven't commented before, I know why you do it, I know you feel embittered, under fire, and persecuted, but that is a component of everything else, and is the main driving force to the downward spiral/self destruct mode you seem to be in at the moment.

We none of us want to see another one of us suffering, but you are not being your own best friend at the moment, and when people say to you to try x and y and z and you don't or ignore or attack them for suggesting it, you know some of us will call you on it.

If rehab is an escape from your reality and enables you a clean, safe space for you to deconstruct your life and put it back together, you may benefit from it.

Otherwise, perhaps we ought to suggest you go give GentleOtter a hand on her remote scottish farm with tons and tons of snow, snowed in for 10days so far and no sign of that changing for a while, no water, and feeling rather panicky..

I don't know much about the OP, other than her MN posts, so obviously am suggesting things from a position of ignorance - but I am a bit unsure about rehab - as it seems a rather expensive and dramatic way of taking a break from the social factors in this - and will the social factors not be there the same on a return from rehab. I mean would outpatient private therapy combined with snow digging or similar not be as good?

I'm only saying it's worth considering as it's an extreme way of getting to a safe place, giving her nerves and her some time to take a breath.

Sure it's better if OP can get herself back on track without hiding away, but if the posts on here are all 100% true, and I hope they aren't actually, cos it sounds hellish, this OP is in purgatory and sounds at breaking point.

That said, if Super is no longer drinking too much, no longer doing drugs, and managing, just about, to live through one day after another with all this going on, she is one strong bird!

Super, when you come out of this and see that you are still here, you will be amazed at how much strength you must have had. Instead of kicking yourself, you need to recognise the steely strength you have inside, and draw on it to pull yourself up.

FACT TIME: no-one can do this for you.

I don't honestly know if rehab/facility will help. It might, it may not. On some level Super may very well use this as another dramatic event in her life to garner sympathy and STILL not use it as it is intended to actually get her back on her feet.

I was depressed, nothing helped. CBT kept me alive, just. The drugs kept being changed, never worked, i just got lower and lower and lower.

They started talking Lithium and ECT. In the end they put me on a new drug. I think it reacted badly and I (purposely) overdosed on them. That was enough (about bloody time) to shake myself into RL and the boot up the arse that I needed. I never took another AD again after that and dragged myself back to normality.

Not recommending this course of action, but I do advocate taking a low point and using it to draw a line and use it as a catalyst.

Thing is Super, where to start? You have momentarily lost residency of your DC due to the way that you are living your life. Isn't that enough to shock you back into getting your act together again. It's what your DC will be wanting you to do. I'm not intending to be harsh, but you do need to face some reality.

I hope that you can do this outside of a facility, the last thing you need is to be 'Look at me, I'm so messed up, I ended up in rehab' If that is what is drawing you to that, then you need to go and get yourself well without, you'll be wasting your family's money.

Time to take responsibility, time to let people help you, and more than anything help YOU to help YOURSELF.

I've just had some serious tough love from my uncle.

Let myself down massively last night by getting blinding drunk (only took 3 small wines given I have no tolerance for it anymore)

I have nobody to blame but myself, but exH had gone back on the contact arrangements and I just needed to stop thinking for a while.

I am going to see what extra counselling I can get, move in with my parents for a while, and try to sort myself ou.

I do feel pretty damn proud I've managed to get off the pity pot and face up to the fact these are my choices, and only mine.

And I couldn't bear to destroy my childrens lves if I don't get my self straight.

Can i thank ou all again, you are marvelous.

Wishing you strength. Focus on getting yourself into a place where the courts will award you decent fixed contact as an absolute minimum with the intention of shared residency if/when you are able to locate to be being near your ex again. He may even shoot himself in the foot meaning they get to come back to living with you.

Remember you can be a wonderful Mum and role model even if you never regain majority residency of them. No doubt they will want to live with you once adolescence hits what ever your ex wants/thinks.

Super, no-one is being tough with you because we don't care, like or love you. It's precisely BECAUSE we care that we DO bother to post, or take you to one side.

We are all allowed to lose control once in a while, but when that loss enforces decisions to be made, that's when we have to say enough is enough.

It actually doesn't really matter if you did get hammered last night, as long as you have not done any damage to yourself or others. If you just got bladdered, and kept yourself to yourself then I doubt any harm is done.

Well done you! I'm glad you are committed to getting yourself straight and getting your life back. You should feel proud of yourself. Take each day as it comes, you will have good days and bad days, let the bad days go, learn from them, but let them go. The good ones are the ones to hang on to as they are the strong ones that can make the foundation for the rest of your life.

Sit back and re-read the thread if it helps, see how far you cave come even in these few days.

Super, and all your guises, you have had a life changing week if you are smart enough to learn and grow from it.

Something you all should know, but I have been ashamed to admit... and actually feel terrible for my insistence that there was nothing more to the story for the residence issue.

I was arrested for drunk in charge of a minor, shocking behaviour I know but please don't judge.

I accepted a simple caution and this is when/ why I stopped drinking. I went onto antabuse with the advice of my GP.

I do wonder why ex chose to leave it months, when I was sober and more mentally stable to ssuddenly decide I was a risk to the children.

So sorry I haven' told you this before.

I suspect your ex waited because he is a controlling & manipulative arse and his parents put him up to it.

That or he's a bit slow. Sorry, but if that was me, I'd revoke contact straight away.

Imagine a thread on here. DH has been arrested for being drunk in charge of our DC,.. what to do?

Maybe even he knew you were absolutely at the lowest and he waited to make sure you were strong enough to handle what needed to be done.

It really doesn't matter that you haven't said stuff to us, who the hell are we? we are nothing to you, you certainly owe us nothing. You need to admit stuff to yourself really, YOU are the most important person here, and with this your decision to stop, you have done that.

I think someone somewhere said once that DC don't get residence revoked for nothing, and that you were not being open and honest with us. So what? you were not comfortable to be that open, that's OK. It's your information, it's your circumstances to share.

You got a caution, but you stopped drinking then. You reacted positively to a serious issue arising from your behaviour. Well done.

Now keep it up!

What's done is done, the future is what you need to work on, leave the past behind.

"You reacted positively to a serious issue arising from your behaviour."

Exactly.
Now you need to ract to the behaviour of others.

Twatty email-don´t need it-cut contact.

Any drama-don´t need it-cut the person out.

Well done Super. You're going in the right direction and I wish you absolutely all the best. Look forward to hearing more from you. (Took a lot of guts to make that last confession. Good on you.) You can do this.

God I'm watching the Kerry Katona documentary, thinking oh shut up, then dawning realisation I see so much of mysel in her. Shite!

Well let her be the incentive to sort yourself out and pronto - although it will take time

That's a bummer - recognizing yourself in KK.. Not pleasant.

Super - will you be apologising then to the many posters who have said there was more to your situation than you were saying - and were attacked by you and by others for saying so?

I really hope you sort yourself out of course - and part of that is be totally honest from this point forward. Peoplecannot help and support you if they only get half a tale.

"the unloading can be cathartic but mn isn't therapy, it can be a support to you and some company when you are low\lonely but we're just a bunch of bored but caring (on the whole) mums."

That can't be said often enough, really, can it? I'm not talking about this thread, I mean across the board.

I think anyone who is feeling dragged into someone's drama and feels they are 'giving' and sharing too much (with nothing in return) needs to remember the above: this is ALL MN is capable of, and all that is required of you, and even that's optional.

MN is not necessarily a healthy place to be playing this sort of thing out, precisely because people see responsibility where there isn't any.