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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I right in my conviction, lovely DP has done something unforgivable and I really think we're over

322 replies

IDontLikeDisciples · 02/12/2010 12:18

We went out with a big group of friends yesterday afternoon,long pub lunch as most were off work due to the snow, he went home as he started to feel unwell.

I had a seizure in the loo, was taken to hospital by ambulance(this has happened a few times and is being investigated, possible epilepsy). DPs best friends wife came with me, made sure I was okay and was generally lovely.

I came home to a horrid email from DP, heres part of it

THANKS A FUCKING LOT, had half the village ringing me when I was ill in bed thanks to another of your 'episodes'. Can't believe you dragged Laura to the hospital in this fuking weather. You really worried people. I've had no sleep as the phone was contstantly ringing. Sort yourself out.

No 'oh my god are you okay?' etc Just that shower of shite.
I am stunned by this. What would you do?

OP posts:
SuperTheoryofSuperEverything · 04/12/2010 00:33

Mydad has just forwarded me and email Psent to him, I am utterly confused now.

lowrib · 04/12/2010 01:30

Is that you IDon'tLikeDisciples? What did it say?

SuperTheoryofSuperEverything · 04/12/2010 04:21

i never meant to hurt you with anything ive said .... you just needed to hear it ... i know you will have slandered me for it and i know you will have done so to certain people that dont deservfe to know anything about me without knowing the situation or what ive done to be there for you ..... thats always gonna happen ... because you always turn on me if i challeneg you in your life...
thats just an cceptable fact
but ive never stopped caring for you
i just realised that i couldnt help you
or be there for you in the manner which was needed
you need a different type of help
and i HOPE you get it

goodnight darling. Hope you get decent slepp
xxxxx

Clearly he didnt mean to send it to my dad...

He has sent me a few emails too (marked him as spam, and it did go into the junk folder, but Its like picking a scab, I can't let if rest.

diddl · 04/12/2010 07:15

Why are you confused?

It´s just confirming that it´s all about him?

"i just realised that i couldnt help you
or be there for you in the manner which was needed"

Eh??

Of course he could "be there for you".
"In the manner needed"-making it your fault again.

Anyone can be there for anyone, they just choose to do it.

And of course you don´t "need to hear it"

I´m an overweight shortarse.
I can see that for myself.
Noone needs to tell me.
Least of all someone who cares.
Even my children know that there are some things that don´t have to be said.

Unprune · 04/12/2010 07:22

'to certain people that don't deserve to know anything about me'

Hmm interesting way of looking at his friends there.

spidookly · 04/12/2010 07:29

Entirely backs up what Miggsie said.

diddl · 04/12/2010 07:53

"to certain people that don't deserve to know anything about me'"

"get him"!

Longtalljosie · 04/12/2010 08:19

"Clearly he didnt mean to send it to my dad..."

Wanna bet, sweetheart? These people operate best with an audience. Your dad made his contempt for your partner clear, it's his nasty way of trying to undermine the relationship between you and your dad by implying there is more to this than meets the eye.

Now look at that email again. There will be sentences there which appear to refer to things only you both know about, which you won't actually understand. Things like "without knowing the situation" - what situation? It's not meant for you, it's meant so your dad thinks better of him and worse of you.

He's using words as weapons and creating a fantasy narrative.

What a tit.

Tell your dad that you didn't understand half of it and think it was meant for his consumption rather than yours, because he stood up for you on Facebook. Tell him it's a load of bollocks and ask that your dad deletes anything else from him unopened.

MrsDrOwenHunt · 04/12/2010 09:11

perhaps you should focus on seeing your dc and not bother swapping emails etc with someone who has only just come into your life? so he is a twat? bin him and move on, from all your threads i would say you need to concentrate on getting yourself sorted out and getting your dc back?

lowrib · 04/12/2010 09:12

I agree with Longtalljosie It was probably meant for your dad.

A friend split up with her - apparently lovely, but in fact really quite psycho - boyfriend and moved in with me. The way the man behaved was shocking, trying to get me and her other close friends involved, sending us texts and messages on facebook.

Don't fall into the trap of judging him by your standards. You would never involve an ex's family if you split up, but then you would never leave a partner to go to hospital without you and then have a go at them for embarrassing you! He's clearly deranged! And more concerned with what other people think of him than what's actually going on in reality.

If only people like this came with a health warning attached to them!

diddl · 04/12/2010 09:49

I doubt it was meant for OP´s dad in that it obviously wasn´t written to him.

But it was probably sent intentionally.

IIRC, OP hasn´t been seeing this creep long.

Anyone thing it odd that he know´s her dad´s email address?

Anniegetyourgun · 04/12/2010 09:59

"Realised I couldn't help you" is a little, shall we say, inconsistent with the tone of his original email.

Clearly he believes the fits are not genuine, or that you can somehow control them; that's why someone might "need to hear" a good slagging off for being a nuisance. I read "you need a different type of help and i HOPE you get it" as implying you need psychiatric help for your attention-seeking. He'd say "medical help" if that's what he meant. Likewise if you were receiving medical help it would be no obstacle to him being "there for you", would there?

Different planet. Get rid, block email, cover hands with ears and go have a massive milkshake (or other safe indulgence) with your very best friends.

Catkinsthecatinthehat · 04/12/2010 10:10

"i never meant to hurt you with anything ive said .... you just needed to hear it"

Yes, that's just what you needed to hear on return from hospital isn't it? A kind and sensitive email repeatedly telling you to go fuck yourself because having a seizure is simply a matter of you failing to 'sort yourself out'. You're incredibly selfish you know - there he was ill in bed with a tempestuous bottom or something, and he had to put up people calling to make sure that you weren't seriously ill.

"you need a different type of help and i HOPE you get it"

Translation: Oi, Disciples dad! Your precious daughter is a secret loon and poor, bruised, long-suffering little me is having to walk away from her, more in sorrow than anger of course. Even though I've already been dumped.

I'd forward that one to Laura as well. It says so much....

SuperTheoryofSuperEverything · 04/12/2010 14:08

im not being funny but theres no justification for this ... my heart just sank .... after all the things that were aimed to hurt me tonight nothing cuts that deep ..... im here fighting your corner not thinking of getting with another girl...all i ever here is ollir this ollie that, turns out your sleeping in his bed.... thanks for that image just before sleep ..jeez you really know how to make me feel good about myself .. thanks.... i dont care if nothing happened ... that for me is the killer blow .... unbelieveable ..... you dont see me sleeeping in my girly friends beds in my boxers and them in their iunderwear and me trying to justify it ....... no need to for me to find that out ... its just your twisted reasons to hurt me deeper ...:( unbelievable

I got his email at 5am, after he has seen a jokey comment from one of my oldest , closest friends (fecking facebook again...)

SuperTheoryofSuperEverything · 04/12/2010 14:10

Not sure why I'm so angry, self preservation again I guess.

I'll now be made out to be the slut tthat broke his heart. Sigh.

Longtinsellyjosie · 04/12/2010 14:27

Who's Ollie? Are you sleeping in his bed?

If he's the old friend who made the jokey comment - what was the jokey comment?

SuperTheoryofSuperEverything · 04/12/2010 14:30

He posted 'Really needs some warming company on a cold night like this, you up for it (insert my name)?

We do often share a bed....

Longtinsellyjosie · 04/12/2010 14:33

I must admit that would piss me off if I was your boyfriend but it doesn't matter anyway because he is an abusive arse and you MUST stop reading his emails. If he was at your door repeatedly slapping you round the face you'd shut the door. Block the email properly. Is this gmail or hotmail, and are you on a PC or a Mac?

diddl · 04/12/2010 14:42

So, a guy you have shared a bed with posts about in on FB?

He´s as bad as the rwat who thinks that you are faking your "episodes".

Unprune · 04/12/2010 14:42

This thread has reminded me of the young man I broke up with, aged 17, who then sent my dad 12 sides of A4, tiny writing, about me.
Dad read the first page and threw it in the fire.

He sounds like a loon, as if that wasnt clear enough.

SuperTheoryofSuperEverything · 04/12/2010 14:44

He has been a close friend since primary school, i see it as no diferent to sleeping with girlfriends....

Unprune, my gosh!

DrSeuss · 04/12/2010 15:00

Please cut DP's nob off and use it as dog food. I'll provide you with a (blunt) knife!
What a complete, well, I don't even have a word for him!

Anniegetyourgun · 04/12/2010 15:06

"im here fighting your corner"

Well he was fighting something... oh wait, it was you.

diddl · 04/12/2010 15:08

"i see it as no diferent to sleeping with girlfriends...."

Maybe, but why does he post on FB about it?

Onetoomanycornettos · 04/12/2010 15:10

Lucky escape, now run.

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