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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I right in my conviction, lovely DP has done something unforgivable and I really think we're over

322 replies

IDontLikeDisciples · 02/12/2010 12:18

We went out with a big group of friends yesterday afternoon,long pub lunch as most were off work due to the snow, he went home as he started to feel unwell.

I had a seizure in the loo, was taken to hospital by ambulance(this has happened a few times and is being investigated, possible epilepsy). DPs best friends wife came with me, made sure I was okay and was generally lovely.

I came home to a horrid email from DP, heres part of it

THANKS A FUCKING LOT, had half the village ringing me when I was ill in bed thanks to another of your 'episodes'. Can't believe you dragged Laura to the hospital in this fuking weather. You really worried people. I've had no sleep as the phone was contstantly ringing. Sort yourself out.

No 'oh my god are you okay?' etc Just that shower of shite.
I am stunned by this. What would you do?

OP posts:
Decorhate · 02/12/2010 12:29

Ime "previously lovely" people often show their true colours when faced with a partners illness. You can do a whole lot better than him...

Ormirian · 02/12/2010 12:29

Does he think you are putting them on? If not how the hell does he think you are responsible for it?

Dump DP, hang on to DP's friend's wife. She sounds like a good friend.

LunaticFringe · 02/12/2010 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree · 02/12/2010 12:30

I am stunned that anyone could be such an absolute fuckwit.

As I was reading your OP I thought I bet you were in hospital and he didn't collect you because of snow/his being ill in which case he would still have been an utter wanker

ChippingIn · 02/12/2010 12:30

OMG

That's unbelievable!

Rindercella · 02/12/2010 12:31

Oh my God! What an utter cockwipe.

Thank God you have been taking it slowly...far easier to dump him now than if you were living together/married.

Please do not tolerate this utterly despicable sorry excuse for a human being for a moment longer.

Hope you're feeling ok now and that you are not seriously ill.

Original poster
IDontLikeDisciples · 02/12/2010 12:31

Interesting a couple of you have said he doesn't believe I'm ill. I wonder why that is and if it is the case?

He is a bit of a control freak tbh, only in minor ways but he has idealised views about hown things should be, tries to engineer 'perfection' iyswim.

Dam,n, why did I bother with the guy?

OP posts:
cindystill · 02/12/2010 12:32

What a selfish, evil-hearted man.

KangarooCaught · 02/12/2010 12:33

"Having canvassed the opinions of thousands, they all agree your email reveals you to be a fuckwit and that I have had a lucky escape. Happy Christmas."

CoteDAzur · 02/12/2010 12:33

I don't know why he is "full on" but this is not the behavior of a man who loves you. Men in love tend to be gentle and protective of their woman. Yours is a jackass.

Run far away.

Malificence · 02/12/2010 12:33

Dump him, right here, right now - no excuses, it was unforgiveable.

Original poster
IDontLikeDisciples · 02/12/2010 12:34

love it Kangaroo!

If only I was brave enough to send that response...

OP posts:
AliceWorld · 02/12/2010 12:34

Leave! My ex had a go at me for daring to get beaten up once. Took years to realise that was a big sign he was a big tosser. Leave early while you can.

emmyloulou · 02/12/2010 12:34

OMG what a tosser Angry

alegre · 02/12/2010 12:35

Shock How unsympathetic! How awful for you.
This must be a really worrying time for you and you're not receiving the understanding and support that you should.

You obviously need to consider whether to continue with him. If he's like this now and, god forbid, the doctors can't find an immediate answer to what's happening to you, what then?

I'm sending you a hug.
x

FetchezLaVache · 02/12/2010 12:35

Well, because he put the word episode in inverted commas and told you to sort yourself out, mainly, but actually everything in that email points to such a total lack of sympathy with your condition that he can't possibly believe there's really anything wrong with you.

Incidentally, I hope you find out what's wrong and get some treatment (and your hug) soon!

MrsFlittersnoop · 02/12/2010 12:35

What would I do?

Forward it to all your mutual friends. Seriously. And put in on FB too. :(

Knobber. You will be well rid.

merminski · 02/12/2010 12:35

Maybe it's a 'competitive illness' thing. But however, if that's how he's treating the situation, then he's not worth bothering with. I have an illness (a lot milder than what you're experiencing) which isn't visible to others often, and give people a bit of leeway if they just don't spot it, but if someone reacted like this I'd just lose respect for them right away. Does he think you should 'justify' being ill to him or something? Sod that. good luck with everything.

mollymax · 02/12/2010 12:36

So sorry to hear you are going through all this.
He is of no support to you whatsoever.
He may be depressed, but as you say it is no excuse.
hope you are able to walk away from him.
Get well soon.

Original poster
IDontLikeDisciples · 02/12/2010 12:36

I was attacked by an old lady on the ward too, but theres already a thread about that.

Is it very wrong that obviously I'd expect him to at least ring the ward. The fact so many friends were ringing him is because they were concerned of course. I get the impression he's embarrased by the drama of it. Not good.

OP posts:
alegre · 02/12/2010 12:36

Love Kangaroo's post! Grin

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 02/12/2010 12:37

Yes, he's clearly saying you're faking it for attention.

Dump him. That's vile of him.

Hope you get a diagnosis soon.

ConstanceFelicity · 02/12/2010 12:37

Do you really want to spend the rest of your days with someone who has so little regard for you?

He has shown his utter nobbishness. It's up to you to get out of that relationship now.

BertieBotts · 02/12/2010 12:38

Fucking hell, no, you've done the right thing! Block his email address and phone number if you can. What a wanker!

BTW you may be aware of this already - but absolute intolerance or irritation when others (esp. partners) are ill is a massive red flag for emotional abuse. Lucky escape! :)

irishma · 02/12/2010 12:38

No worries..Like I say my DP has epilepsy he was diagnosed not long after we met..over the last 12 years nights have been csncelled, holidays cancelled..Ive had to do the lions share of childcare..there was a point where he wasnt allowed to hold our son..when he does go out the next day is lost cos he has to sleep most of the day as drink is a trigger as is stress...and it is frustrating at times tbh but I love im and Ill help him any way I can..

Now picture yojur DP's reaction to any of the above situatons....