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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I right in my conviction, lovely DP has done something unforgivable and I really think we're over

322 replies

IDontLikeDisciples · 02/12/2010 12:18

We went out with a big group of friends yesterday afternoon,long pub lunch as most were off work due to the snow, he went home as he started to feel unwell.

I had a seizure in the loo, was taken to hospital by ambulance(this has happened a few times and is being investigated, possible epilepsy). DPs best friends wife came with me, made sure I was okay and was generally lovely.

I came home to a horrid email from DP, heres part of it

THANKS A FUCKING LOT, had half the village ringing me when I was ill in bed thanks to another of your 'episodes'. Can't believe you dragged Laura to the hospital in this fuking weather. You really worried people. I've had no sleep as the phone was contstantly ringing. Sort yourself out.

No 'oh my god are you okay?' etc Just that shower of shite.
I am stunned by this. What would you do?

OP posts:
autodidact · 02/12/2010 12:39

Have you been diagnosed with pseudoseizures and he thinks you're doing it for attention?

MmeLindt · 02/12/2010 12:42

God, what a vile vile person.

Totally unforgivable.

BertieBotts · 02/12/2010 12:42

Wow, having read even more of the thread it sounds like you might find some enlightening reading on the NPD threads. The email in the OP actually sent chills down me because it was exactly how XP used to react if I ever dared to be ill (and strongly suspect he is NPD)

You say you would call but you'd need to restrain yourself? I think you should call him, and not restrain yourself Grin

KangarooCaught · 02/12/2010 12:42

Send it. No ambuiguity and no tosser for a bf. Result.

Original poster
IDontLikeDisciples · 02/12/2010 12:44

Being stretchered out in a packed local pub is not the kind of attention I'd want to seek...

I've had a CT which was fine, waiting on Neurologist and eEG scan. The 'urgent' appointment I was given after the last episode is next June... but I have now been told they will organise it asap. My GP is wonderful so I think i need to see him and see what he can do (if anything)

OP posts:
ilovemydogandMrObama · 02/12/2010 12:44

Loving the part about dragging Laura to hospital in this weather Shock. As if you were responsible for the weather and in any state to choose who came with you in the ambulance after a seizure.

BertieBotts · 02/12/2010 12:45

The perfection thing, and the gushing about never having been in love before and "fate", specifically. (And the cold almost disbelieving tone of his email). Sorry, I'll go away now :)

WriterofDreams · 02/12/2010 12:46

Thank God you're not tied to this man OP. I like the idea another poster had of copying the email to people that know him and putting it on fb. I doubt I'd ever do it myself, but wouldn't it be great revenge if someone asked you on fb how you were and you said "Fine but single due to this:" and pasted the email for everyone to read? It wouldn't change his behaviour but it would give me great satisfaction :)

Apart from that you know of course that you absolutely must dump him. No question.

Teapot13 · 02/12/2010 12:47

I wouldn't spend a lot of time drafting your response e-mail -- in my view, none is required.

emmyloulou · 02/12/2010 12:47

Have you dumped him yet? I wouldn't even waste a second more debating it, just tell him to fuck off Shock

autodidact · 02/12/2010 12:47

I'm sure it's not, IDLD. Just wondering if he thought like that. Psuedoseizures are in any case NOT attention seeking, but that is often misunderstood, partly due to the name.

wannabeglam · 02/12/2010 12:48

So, what have you decided to do? I agree you need to look at yourself in the long run and work out why you attract rotters, not attract but are attracted to! Don't be a victim. Take control. You'll feel better.

Original poster
IDontLikeDisciples · 02/12/2010 12:49

Bertie, that thread is namazing, I read but haven't posted.

You know whats funny, my ex has just sent me an email along the same lines, even 'epidode' in inverted commas, and has twisted it to be all about him and how it might disrupt the contact arrangements.

I thinki some of you are right, I need to really look at why I get into relationships with these types.

OP posts:
perfumeditsawonderfullife · 02/12/2010 12:50

Dear oh dear, what an utter wanker. Dump him, asap. He cant seriously expect you would still want him, can he?

maktaitai · 02/12/2010 12:50

'You're right, i need to sort myself out. I have decided to spend time with people who are pleasant to me and able to accept that not everyone is perfect. Best wishes for your future and please don't contact me again.'

There, that sorts that one out.

To be very kind to him (which he doesn't deserve, but you're nicer than him), he may well have suffered from people assuming that depression is something that you can snap out of, not really an illness etc. Hence him trying to self-medicate with alcohol and making things MUCH worse. However - hooray! - it's not your problem any more.

Original poster
IDontLikeDisciples · 02/12/2010 12:53

Thanks for that link on pseudoseizures, quite interesting.

The first time it happened there was musings it could be alcohol related (I was out and had way too much wine) but i have stopped drinking now and they still occur. I do have some serious issues at the moment tbh, residence battle with ex, best friend recently had a stillbirth, and I'm in counselling after what happened with exH but it's slow going.

OP posts:
TrappedinSuburbia · 02/12/2010 12:53

As working with someone who has severe epilepsy I cannot believe your 'd' p's response, what a complete and utter selfish prick.
I bet he is pissed off because of the 'attention' you have received and has been shoved in his face, ie your friends phoning, he sounds jealous and controlling, thank god you don't live with him.
Dump from the highest height and keep the email as no doubt he will make you out the bad one!

MissileToe · 02/12/2010 12:55

I would not even contact him after that email. Ever. Let him work it out. F*ckwit!

Original poster
IDontLikeDisciples · 02/12/2010 12:55

maktaitai, hah, my ex , when I was hospitalised with post natal depression said I needed to 'snap out of it'

Don't think I need to say but I won't be seeing P again. Very tricky though given we have so many mutual friends...

OP posts:
cherrybea · 02/12/2010 13:00

What an utter pipe!

Get rid of that waste of space and concentrate on your health, your dc and the friends who are there showing you amazing support. GL

Unprune · 02/12/2010 13:00

Can you forward his email to a few friends whom you know are less discreet than they might be? Ask them what they think you should do (but do dump him anyway).

I think with people like this, most of us want to be the bigger person and walk away without having lowered ourselves to making a fuss. And in a way, that allows extremely unpleasant people to get away with it. I had a run-in a couple of years ago with a woman, and I used the above tactic. And now, if I'm asked about her, I tell the story of what she did, because to keep it quiet is (in a way) to not give others the chance to use important information when they deal with her.

And can I just say, what a shit he sounds, that's not normal behaviour at all Sad

expatinscotland · 02/12/2010 13:03

PLEASE dump this fuckwit asap.

And stop dating, entirely, till you get some counselling, self-help and support to figure out why you keep going out with dicksmacks.

Don't have FA to do with this titwank anymore.

EVER.

TheCrackFox · 02/12/2010 13:08

Unless you have something very valuable/sentimental left at his flat I wouldn't bother replying to his email. I would simply cease all communication.

Still, at least you now know he is a tosser and in the long run he has done you a a favour.

KERALA1 · 02/12/2010 13:12

My friend had something similar. She had a car accident. Walked through the door quite upset and shaken. "D"P ranted on about damage to the car and did not once ask how she was Shock. That was it for her - they split up despite being together 4 years, co owning house etc. Brilliant decision as he was a twerp and now shes happily married to a lovely man. End it!

Duna · 02/12/2010 13:13

Lord almighty. What a twat. I seriously wouldn't dignify that email with a response of any kind. He's a sad, pathetic man so just don't bother risking a slanging match (however great the temptation to call him a cunto is). Wait till he contacts you again then calmly tell him it's over for the obvious reasons.

And yes, exactly as other posters have said, his behaviour is a screaming siren of an abusive partner.

I hope you get the diagnosis and the support you need. Take care of yourself, and don't waste your time on such a total idiot.