Firstly, my Epic post apology but really this man beggars belief.
I've been just catching up as had an op on Monday and maybe it's the anaesthetic wearing off or maybe it really is affecting us all as badly as me (I suspect the latter). I've been really, really upset reading how he's behaving regarding telling the children. It is quite incredulous. I think the correct term is "mind fuck" that he has been willing to play on you this whole time. Is this really the man that was playing with your feelings regarding days out with the BB and four bedroom homes?
I also agree with everyone's excellent advice that there is unfortunately no alternative but the truth for the children. Deep down they know something's wrong and although it will be a shock things will start making sense. For example they will have noticed that things between the two of you are different and tense. We all know that to be in the dark really is purgatory and it's just not fair on them anymore as you rightly know and are facing up to.
What possible reason could there be for their Dad to decide not to live with them? They will interpret it that their Dad doesn't love them enough to stay and that it is their fault. As mentioned by other posters he is a kipper and my doesn't he wriggle on the hook. You've pulled him out from his sea of fantasy and he's now looking straight into your eyes realising his fate!
The truth will ultimately set them free. They will not cry indefinitely regarding him not being there - they will though if they are never told as they will be expecting him to return at any stage. You will be able to comfort your children better than you think once this is over although it will break your heart. Or should I say the H has broken everyone's? Could he not have the decency to...... oooh ... I know everyone feels the same about him and it is difficult for you to now bear witness to him lowering himself even further.
I must say you need to be aware to be on your guard of a sudden "change of heart" he may want to return etc. Please don't pay any heed to any such comments around Christmas time as the heightened emotion felt by everyone does not make for good decisions. His decisions in the clear light of day and for the last how many months have been clear. Remind yourself of that and don't be fooled by any last minute suggestions of things being different in the New Year. I would wait a good many months for any such comment to be taken remotely seriously unless you want to play watching him struggle with "did he do the right thing etc" which I think you are beginning to realise you are far too good for.
Even if things were different it is a very long road ahead for him to come back from this. Telling the children will not only enable them to start to move forward it will also be a time when you acknowledge to yourself the terrible time personally you have had for the last few months and how much of a struggle you have pulled yourself through and out of. What has been H's contribution to your struggle? Mind fuck games playing games and drip, drip with info over the BB etc. Now you will be left to clear up his mess he says! Well actually I think you should tell him that it is very wrong if he doesn't see them for a week. He needs to reassure them that things will carry on as they have been. THIS IS THE LEAST HE CAN DO FOR GOD'S SAKE THE COWARD!
Well his romantic odyssey of the last few months where he has been the be all and end all in a tale of "three star crossed lovers" involving him playing with your head, no doubt the BB's head are all now closing into him. You are standing up very straight and taking punches on the chin and insisting on telling the children the truth.
I do seriously doubt about any arrangement over Christmas involving the two of you with the children being wise for anyone.
To borrow from Christmas Carol he really needs to feel like Tiny Time peering through the window at what Christmas could have been like. This is the only way he can really feel his future. Him just leaving after lunch - well I'm sure someone as selfish as him will be able to snap out of it quite quickly and focus back on the BB. However I think you are underestimating how you will feel and how painful it will be - more so for you than him. Please see that. You can't make him feel your pain he quite clearly doesn't "get" it. You will only be making yourself suffer. For all the tears in his eyes - what have his actions been?
Only by being the Tiny Tim do I think this particular man who seems to have no ability to put others before himself will he feel the full force of being visited by the ghost of Christmas Future. Please do put it to the children that there are other ways to spend Christmas - they will adapt to the new plans and get excited.
I really think you've done a sterling job and that Christmas day you really need to think of your mental health and respect for yourself to realise that to put yourself through it is really only of benefit to the H. The children will ultimately be confused by it I feel and hope everything will be ok again. When he leaves there will be a great deal of tears for you to clear up. This sort of meet up happens when both parties and children are well adjusted to the new family dynamic. It will just be too confusing for everyone.
Please think of yourself in this instance. Honestly if anyone here felt it was a good idea believe us we'd say so - it really is a very bad idea especially for you. Please be kind to yourself.