It's all about him

[BibiBlocksberg]

Can't believe I'm going to even talk about this without namechange but need to know I'm not imagining things. So, dp and I were laughing at the cat who was all snuggled into him this morning and started purring loudly when started to stroke and fuss her. Cue us laughing about how much she's enjoying being fussed.

Dp turns round to me and says 'I haven't been fussed in ages (in little boy voice) meaning sex of course.

We haven't had sex coming on for about a year now which is my fault since I have totally gone off it. Any attempts to talk about it have failed since he refuses to take on board some of the things I don't like/reasons I feel I've gone off the idea completely.

Have talked to gp 4 times now re no libido but other than swapping brands of the pill they don't know what could be causing it so am now stuck for ideas.

Anyway am just absolutely livid since it always seems to be about him him him in the bedroom. That comment earlier just made me so angry. Not 'we haven't done anything for ages, do you feel like it etc, no just He hasn't had it for ages.

All topped off with a wobbling bottom lip face and lots of sighing when i went to make a cup of coffee.

Just so tired of it all being my fault really, thanks for reading this ramble.

He he he - much love to your straightforwardness AnyFucker! You are all quite right of course to hell with Chrismas in this situation.

At least it will get me out of paying for his ghastly families christmas presents for yet another year

I split up with XP in November and come Christmas day he left me roughly 15 messages on my A/P asking where was I, he had the turkey all ready and my present bought. WTF you nutjob, I moved out the month before.....!

(shudder) mind you, I will be needing 'present' money for a deposit anyway won't I?

Just looked and found two places straightaway that say they will consider pets. Strange, whenever I've looked before there was nothing. Maybe it's a sign.

Hope I'll still be as brave in the morning when the wine has worn off!!!

You will or we will come and get you!

Yes please phipps - everyone from this thread can come rocking up in an A-Team style van and shout 'get in you fool' then drive off with tyres screeching and smoking

Good god, a horse no less RealityBomb. Bet he's MORE than happy with the presents you ask for for xmas nowadays :)

Excellent - so you've found two potential new flats for you and the pet?

Christmas is the best time to go, believe me - you'll save on giving his family presents, and all your family can give you things that you really need for your new flat.

I will be checking on you in the morning.

What are you going to do? Where is he now?

Wow, this is great. Wishing you lots of strength, you sound lovely and will be absolutely fine, I'm sure. In fact, I bet your life is easier without this millstone hanging around.

When you meet your next P, you won't believe what you tolerated for so long. I would never settle for crap sex again now!!

He's in the kitchen cooking the dinner (a rare occurence)

I swear he has some weird ESP and knows when I'm thinking bad things about him.......

thatsnotmyfruitshoot - thanks, but will have to see how much of this strenght is vino induced :)

KEEP UP THE STRENGTH!

Seriously think about it....

1. no groping
2. no whining
3. none of the countless other shit he probably does to upset or irritate you that you haven't mentioned here
4. you won't have to buy him/his family presents
5. or have an awkward Christmas wishing you were happy
6. you have the wonderfully romantic/drunken christmassy months ahead to kiss far better, less childish, and SEXY men under mistletoe
7. and have sex with them (or not)
8. you can see more of friends/family
9. any friends/family you do see who are in happy relationships will not just stick home how shitty this one is
10. you have a change for DCs, happiness, and a healthy, fulfilling sex life with a wonderful man.

oops chance , not change, Freudian slip.

What do you think would happen if, you know what, scrap it.

He has not listened to you, has not heard you, has not cared enough about you to make you happy. Get shot.

He he he nice list there I like it just need to add 'no more cannabis smoking' and 'no more snoring like a rhino' and we're there.

Isn't a cowardly brain shit though (mine) gone straight from excited to thinking oh no what will I do if I lose my job.! Blardy fear of the unknown!!

Fear is keeping you there.

Leaving him will be scary but not because you are leaving him, it is because it is the thought of the unknown and that happens with lots of things.

Your new life could be amazing but you will never know unless you go.

One life, one. Don't waste it with this twat.

I've just read this whole thread from start to end and BB don't start making excuses now. You are obviously unhappy with this man because the best reasons you can come up with for not doing is leaving your cats and what if you lose your job...

Good luck and get it sorted! Landlords are surprising accommodating when it comes to cats (I have 2 and live in rented) just as long as you tell them they're grown up and not scratchers!

What's more scary - a few difficult months if you lose your job or a lifetime with shit and no chance of DCs with this loser?

He was bad enough before the cannabis, that's a deal breaker in itself.

PLEASE LEAVE HIM HE'S A KNOB

just have a look here to see what is happening now

should have known he is a cannabis dickhead user

that explains a lot

that stuff would make Omar Sharif's dick droop

Bibi, I made up your mind for you (in my head) at this: His attitude then and now is that theres nothing he can do if I'm unhappy and if I want to leave he can't stop me.

Says it all. He's telling you doesn't care how you feel and you can take him or leave him. Twat.

Everything you've posted since then has reinforced this view. He's way too fond of himself to have anyone else in his life; and you deserve better! SO glad you're halfway out the door now Well done! Keep it up. xx

the weed the weed. i am not against it but it fucked up my marriage, and turned my ex dh into a selfish, mean grumpy shit.

get out, my ex dh left me when our much longed and waited for dd was 2. don't go down that road. that, will ruin your life more than it will now.

Well the whole weed thing I've know about since I met him but never liked it.

piratecat - selfish mean GRUMPY shit. That's exactly it!!!

He's much less miserable without it but since I only get to see that side of him when we go abroad (since he can't take the weed with him) those times are few and far between.

He can afford to spend money on that crap every month but then twitches nervously if I mention having a takeaway.

ItsGraceAgain - I suppose that's my fault for not taking the bleedin hint last time. He did bugger all to keep me and I stayed.

Still annoyed about that......

Hey Bibi, you sound so much better! And to think, that's at merely the thought of leaving, imagine how alive you will feel once you're really away from that environment. I don't want to bash this guy as I don't want to push you into defending him, but I truly believe you, and I, and all these wonderful ladies deserve to be loved. It is such a simple little thing, to show someone you love them, and I don't know why some men just can't be bothered. I think these men are very selfish. Sorry i'm rambling!

All rambling gratefully accepted here, Eternal. Just having a quick sneaky 5 mins on MN before I have to put my work hat on

This is probably equally rambly but he was making an apple pie last night (first time in 8 years...weird) but was so utterly utterly miserable about it. Nothing but huff huff huff, swearing, slamming doors and loud whining about how it hasn't turned out the way he wanted.

I just sat there thinking, miserable git, what is the point, he is never going to change!

So what are you going to do about it? It is a new week, make this the first day of your new life. He doesn't add to your life, he doesn't make you smile when you think about him.

I had this relationship, Bibi. only difference was I married mine and had 2 kids. Everything else the same - the dope-smoking, the passive-aggression, the negativity.

I was too scared to leave but luckily he saw it wasn't working either so we split up a year ago. It's been fabulous! Best year ever. We get on well now as co-parents, I see him for who he really is, all the heaviness of living with someone like this has vanished and life is easy and fun and simple and optimistic and straightforward and nice again.

Just leave! There is a LOT of light at the end of this tunnel!

Really, what on earth do you have to lose? What? That you couldn't get with someone else, without all the crap too?